“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

Do you have unfulfilled dreams!?! I do! And I have lots of really good reasons and excuses for not fulfilling them! I have tried to let them go and create new dreams often more “spiritual” (whatever that even means ;) or more normal, trying to fit into the adult world of being realistic and responsible!

I don’t want to be normal and I don’t want to be realistic. I want to Explore. Dream. Discover. I want to live my days dreaming and living the impossible. Even if I never do accomplish what may seem impossible at least I will have lived my life full out!! There will never be any question of “What if?” or, “I really wish I would have done that.” I will have pushed my limits, expanded and grown into something beautiful and fully alive!!

This woman has way to many dreams to let regret disappoint her today’s!! :) Reminds me of a Joseph Campbell quote… “People say that what we are seeking is a meaning of life. I don't think this is what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Where will you be in 20 years!?! Do you fully experience being alive in the life you have created!?! Start today on a dream that you have forgot about, are procrastinating, or just think you can’t do!! Get your journal out and write out all of the things you wish to do and pick one thing and start rockin it today!!

A glimpse into my Goddess Day

Out of bed at 4:45 am

1 hr of holosync meditation 5 am to 6 am

30 minute Goddess Meditation

Diet

7:00 Belly juice

8:30 Papaya and mango

9:30 1/2c of millet and honey

12:00 Grilled Veggies and Feta Salad

2:15 Smoothie – banana, cacao, soymilk

5:00 – Brown Rice and Veggies

6:30 Hot water and walnut milk and cocoa and stevia (my favorite healthy hot cocoa recipe)

Bed by 8:30

Workout

7:15 am -8:15 am1 hour – full body training and yoga

Mind/Body/Spirit

My Mind feels centered and grounded and of course excited as this is Day 1. It is the feeling of transformation, and dreams being manifested, even if it is just day 1 you have to start somewhere right!?!

My Body feels awesome. I have a rash on my body that according to Ayurveda it is “pitta” coming out. And that the climate change of LA to Bali can cause such a thing!?! It has been pretty intense the last week and it is healing up perfectly!

My Spirit which for me is my heart… :) Feels happy and knows that I am on the right path!

Magic, Miracles, Serendipity – Miracle that I got up at 4:45! :) And had a magical time today with Brian!! Serendipity… hmm nothing that comes to mind for today!

Gratitude… I love this part.. I am so grateful for my body and for my mind and for my dreams. I am grateful for the amazing food that I am blessed to eat every day!! I am blessed! I am grateful for Brian who is an incredible man and blessed to be able to share my life with him! I am grateful to Charley for letting his stay in his beautiful Bali house for the next month!

Final thoughts for the day

There is really something to living with passion and enthusiasm and following your dreams!! Reminder to myself to always always follow my dreams and know that it is my destiny to fulfill them! :)

Good Night

“Surrender and trust in the wisdom that created you….this trust is your corner of freedom, and it will always be yours.” Wayne Dyer

I heart Wayne Dyer. If I had a spiritual grandfather he would be one of them!!! He is amazing and I love all of his books and the man has 7 children! WOW! 

Surrender and Trust… How often do we do either one of these!?!
Relax, take a few deep breaths and say to yourself, “Surrender”… and allow yourself to be absorbed into this delicious space and then ask yourself where you are not trusting your higher self or in the Wisdom that created you!?! And, then make a vow to be or do whatever comes to you!

Something beautiful happens in my life when I surrender and trust. When I trust that I know what I need to do next, that I know what my path is, and that I am capable of creating my ideal. And, then I just surrender to my higher self and allow Her to guide me and watch the magic unfold. It always does, and even more beautifully than I would have scripted it!!

We all have different dreams, visions and paths. And I know I can often to look to other people who seem to have it figured out and are so clear on their path and they KNOW and I think that maybe their path is where I should go… And, sometimes I think I need to copy their path because they know better than I do.

Which looks like this in my mind: "Oh, they went to a monastery, I need to go to a monastery, maybe, India, in the woods with a shaman, traveling around the world, studying this and having to read all the books they read, and wait they don’t have any kids, or they have kids… they live in a cabin, they have no money, they are a millionaire, they went to that school, I need to go there… " and the list goes on and on! :)  It is quite funny when I can watch my mind entertain all of these paths! Literally can make one go crazy!

My guess is you experience something similar from time to time. ;) When we trust ourselves and surrender to what we know our path is right now life is pretty much fabulous! What does that inner voice tell you to do next? Listen and then follow it with all of your heart. And, then keep listening, I know that the path will appear every step we take when we truly connect and live from “our corner of freedom”! :)

A glimpse into My Goddess Day

Up at 5 am

Meditation 5-6 am

Kellly Howell Winning Mediation 30 minutes

Diet

7:00 am Yerba matte and fresh mint tea

8:00 Bowl of Millet, walnut milk and tsp. of honey

10:45 Guacamole and natural corn chips

12:15 Stir Fry – red rice, veggies and tofu (1 small piece of dark chocolate)

4:15 Bowl of pineapple, papaya, mango, big handful of corn chips

6:30 Bowl of pineapple, papaya, mango, 1 small piece of dark chocolate)

Workout 45 minute circuit training

Body – I feel a bit tired today. I believe I am getting close to my monthly cycle. I am so thrilled that I am getting up and training in the morning, it feels so amazing. My body was made to be active!!

Mind – I am feeling awesome. I am so clear about my vision for my life and it feels wonderful!! I am still registering that I am training for a fitness show and that I have committed to being my most radiant self. :) My mindset is changing and I can see so much potential and growth for the next 3-6 months of being diligent and consistence and persistent!! What is possible in our bodies, I am destined to find out!!

Heart – I feel so connected to Spirit, Life! I am excited to go home. Home being LA! I have loved being in Bali and it has been truly transformative for me, have read like 14 books and will probably read another 10 and have done yoga almost everyday, been in silence, disconnected from the internet and stimulation for the “outside” world! Amazing and I feel a sense of dharma and being in LA! Amazing things await me in LA this I know!

Magic, Miracles and Serendipity – That it isn’t a big deal for me to get up and mediate for an hour at 5 am. I have been wanting to do this for years and never did it. But we are so in tune with the natural rhythms here it is truly magical and miraculous!

Gratitude – I am grateful for the intelligence of my body and that this Intelligence does everything for me, breaths me, pumps my heart, cleanses every cell… There is an infinite amount of blessings just looking at all my body does for me! I am grateful for this computer to be typing on. I am grateful for my family, especially my parents for having me. :) I am grateful for my dreams!

Final thoughts for the day – I feel like I ate to much food today and not the best quality! I feel amazing and I just feel blessed to be on the journey of self-discovery and transformation!

The daily quote today comes from The Silva Mind Control Method of Mental Dynamics

“I forgive myself for all my past actions. From this moment forward, I will be the best me that I know how to be….live your life the best way you know how. Be the best you that you can be.”

Forgiveness seems to be a challenge for many of us. It is truly healing when we can say and mean it from the depths of your heart. I forgive you. I forgive myself! And, this may take one time or it may take 1000 times. But it is very important to do, otherwise we continue a pattern of guilt and punishment upon ourselves and others!

Is there something that you wish you would or would not have done and haven’t forgiven yourself!?! Do it now! Relax and take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to truly forgive! And know that you did the best that you could do with the knowledge you had at that point of time! And, make a commitment that every moment you will bring forth the best you possible!

I know there are many things I wish I would have done, some that I regret doing. These past experiences leak my energy and personal power. I don’t feel energized about my day’s and my future when I don’t acknowledge the presence of the guilt from the past. But the freedom I give myself when I can say…I forgive myself.. and then get on with it and create whatever I want in my life! The energy is released and creativity explodes and I feel alive and happy!

A personal example from my life; when I was a freshman in college I saw Muscle Media magazine and admired Shawn Phillips and all of the beautiful people in that magazine and had a flash that is for me!! And I trained hard and sculpted my body, then moved from Iowa to LA for a summer and had this grand vision of being a fitness model and just being able to transform my body and being so alive and radiant and inspiring and helping others do the same. It was truly a big dream for me!

I did do some modeling and got a modeling portfolio and I was in Muscle & Fitness magazine but I didn’t give myself fully. I half heartily competed in fitness shows with this dream still in me but never winning and never being audacious enough to say you know what that is what I want and I am going to do what I need to do to make it a reality! After awhile I had convinced myself that I didn’t want to do fitness shows anymore and that it was a vain goal to want to become a fitness model and that even helping and inspiring others to physically transform was stupid. I should grow up and do something else, get a real job! :)

I thought that I had let it go. Then recently I realized I was still resenting myself and angry that I never fulfilled that dream! And, there was a part of me that was like you are too old now for that, give it up, forgive yourself and let it go and move onto something more evolved, more spiritual (whatever the hell that means) And, then there was this other part of me that was like that is BS you are just scared that you won’t be able to do it and will look like a fool and waste time on a dream that may never fully be manifested. FEAR is the only reason that you didn’t do it and haven’t done it!! And, if you really wanted to be brave and inspiring to yourself and others you would start it now and get on with making this dream a reality and coach others to manifest their dreams!

So, here I am competing for a fitness show and totally committed to transformation and dreams being realized! And it is all perfect because I now come from a different consciousness than when I was 20 and I can truly honor and appreciate the journey and my own evolution in the process and totally get My Goddess on! :) I forgive myself and I commit to giving the world the best me possible!

What about you? Do you need to forgive yourself for something!?! Is there a dream you left behind and want to revisit and recommit to!?! I am sending you all green lights (as Wayne Dyer says ;) GO FOR IT!!!! (and please let me know what happens- this stuff lights me up :) )

Glimpse into my Goddess Day

Up at 5:00 am Holosync Meditation

Diet

8:15Jasmine tea and bowl of fruit

9:30 Coconut water and aloe vera juice

10:15 Nachos

1:00 Grilled Veggies and Feta Salad & small piece of dark chocolate

3:15 Bowl of Fruit and glass of young coconut water and glass of lemon/stevia water

3:45 Belly Juice – tumeric, apple, aloe

5:45 Grilled veggies and scrambled eggs with tempe and tofu and ginger/carrot soup

Workout – 45 minute all over body workout with yoga sun salutations

Body/Mind/Heart – What a beautiful thing, I got my period today! There is something quite amazing that my body goes through a 28 day cycle the same as the moon cycle. Talk about divine intelligence working through each one of us and being connected to the universe!! I feel like I have a bit less energy today and a wee bit sore from working out harder the last couple of days more than I have been in awhile! But it is a good feeling!

I feel very centered and calm in my mind and yet very enthusiastic about my life and what I am creating and preparing. There is vitality in living your life everyday with the intention of bringing forth the best you possible! :) And Deep love and appreciation for my path and for all of my growth and transformation that has already taken place in I see so much goodness in my near future of seeds I have planted and are ready to bloom!

Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments – It is quite magical that I am typing from Bali right now on this beautiful Tuesday morning at 3:45 pm in an incredible office with views of the rice fields! I have wanted to come to Bali for awhile, magic has brought me here!! And, tonight before I left for the Philosophers Forum (philosophersnotes.com/mygoddesslife) I put on my love bead bracelet and thought to add some more Love into my life! And, when I arrived Lauren, one of the participants had painted me a picture with the word LOVE! Serendipity! How cool is that!?! :)

Gratitude – I am so grateful for money and the freedom and joy that it brings to the world. It is truly amazing. I am grateful for the delivery man from Kafe who brought us the best food today!! And, again, grateful that we have the resources to buy the food and give him a tip and be able to help serve him and his whole family! I am grateful for the person who made the juice that I am drinking right now! I am grateful for Kelly Howell who’s meditation I am listening to right now as I type! I am grateful for my breath! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Final thoughts for today – I Love my life!

“For the next month, say over and over to yourself, “I approve of myself.” Do this three or four hundred times a day, at least. No, it’s not too many times. When you are worrying, you go over your problem at least that many times. Let “I approve of myself” become a walking mantra, something you just say over and over and over to yourself almost nonstop!” Louise L. Hay

It is quite stunning how many negative thoughts that run around in our mind a day! Almost never are we saying “I approve of myself.” What would it look like if we all really did approve of ourselves and actually liked ourselves!?! What if throughout the day we were our own cheerleader! Only giving our beautiful mind praise, love and approval!! WOW :) I know when I flood my consciousness with positive mantras I show up in the world as a different human being!

Let’s do it together and really let it sink in… “I approve of myself! I approve of myself. I approve of myself. I approve of myself. I approve of myself. I approve of myself. I approve of myself!” Aaaaahhh doesn’t that feel good? Now, go out and have the best day ever!

A glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 5:00 am Holosync Meditation

10:00 am Kelly Howell Mind/Body/Spirit Meditation

Diet

6:45 am Big cup of hot jasmine tea

8:10 Bowl of papaya and pineapple and coconut water and meat

9:45 Beet, Cucumber, Parsley, Celery juice

10:30 Bowl of millet a tsp of honey and a bit of soymilk

12:30 Brown Rice

3:30 Pineapple

4:30 Grilled Feta Salad and some nachos & coconut water

6:30 Bowl of Millet, soymilk, tsp of honey

Workout – 60 minutes of yoga

Body/Mind/Spirit – Going to love my body today. Well everyday my intention is to love my body. But I really feel that for me during the time of my menstrual cycle I need extra lovin! :) Nurturing, relaxation, enjoyment and comforting healthy foods and even a nap if I am feeling it!! I took a bath this morning was awesome for like 30 minutes while I did the mind/body/spirit meditation!

And as far as my diet goes.. I love food! :) Even basic foods I love love love. Do I really need all that food to sustain for the day!?! Probably not!! I find it is easier when I am doing the preparing and cooking I don’t eat as much as I do when I eat out all the time (which is pretty much what have been doing here in Bali)

I feel so inspired today and have being doing regular visualization sessions. I used to do it before a game, or some sort of sporting event but I haven’t done it that much since. So, I am consciously doing it as I create my life. The power of imagination is amazing.

Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments – To be honest I am drawing a blank mind on this one. I know that life is a miracle! But no moments are jumping out at me! Better keep a better eye out for the goodness! :)

Gratitude – I am grateful for my beautiful body, my brilliant mind and awakened spirit! I am grateful for Nature! I am grateful the nourishing food that I ate today. I am grateful for going number 2. Hell yea this is something to be grateful for – a clean colon is a happy body! :) I am so so blessed to live the days that I do! Truly remarkable and I thank my incredible partner for making it happen!! My life is richer with him by my side! There is just something amazing about going to bed and touching feet… I LOVE IT! :)

Final thoughts for today – I am actually not living in Bliss in this current moment! I feel good but not great and tired and just a little grouchy!! I have had probably pretty close to an ideal day and I don’t want to blame it on anything but I do think it is just part of the natural cycle of life, aka my menstrual cycle. The good news is that I know it is not permanent and I can go to bed early tonight, visualize waking up feeling energized and rejuvenated and jump back into the river of bliss!!

“Your past is an illusion. It is the trail you left behind you, and a trail behind you cannot drive you today, regardless of what you choose to believe. All you have is now, and you have never tried anything. You have simply not done it yet!” Wayne W. Dyer

How great is that!?! Have you ever tried anything and failed? And, didn’t try again because you thought you would fail? This is your illusionary past getting in the way of your future. In my opinion I think it would be best to take “try” out of our vocabulary. It is not empowering and we either do or we don’t.

When someone says, “I will try to do that” or “try to get that done.” They don’t expect to get it done. But they want to at least say that they really tried to do it but what they really are saying is, “I put effort into it, so please don’t criticize me, I tried..”

But why would we want to just put the effort in and not reap the benefits of actually getting it done. Either do it or don’t! I think that the main reason we only “try” to do things is we are actually scared to put ourselves out there and do it fully. And, we have so many stories of being too tired, busy, overwhelmed to really go for it with all of heart!! It is lack of belief and trust that we can actually do it! If we believed we could do it we would and there would be no time for “trying” or making up stories about how we are as so busy, blah blah blah…

The great thing is there are many things we all have “tried” to do, and failed, or it didn’t turn out like we thought it would, and are fearful that it will be the same in the future if we were to try it again!! Remember… you have never tried anything. You have simply not done it yet. How liberating!!!! No need for negative stories, thought, explanations, just KNOW that you can do it and go out and do it!! It is the constant reminders that we are not our past, that anything is possible, and that we can accomplish whatever we set our minds to. This is the path to greatness and getting things done!

So, what are you going to stop “trying to do” and DO!?! :)

Up at 5:00 meditation at5:30 am Holosync Meditation

Diet – Jasmine Tea

8:15 bowl of pineapple and papaya

9;45 Bowl of Millet

1:00 pm hot lemon, ginger, honey tea and coconut water

Ate at Kafe (Think I am addicted :))

Some nachos. Grilled veggies and scrambled eggs

4:30 Papaya and Pineapple

6:00 Pumpkin Soup and a Salad with tempe and tofu

Workout 60 minutes of Yoga (with the intention to purify and energize)

Body/Mind/Spirit – I woke up feeling amazing today and there is something incredible about meeting the glorious sun in the morning! I LOVE it!! It has been a practice I have been wanting to do for years now and it seems natural now that we are here in Bali away from stimulation, our computers late at night, and phones, street lights, etc etc.. I am excited to continue with the practices I have cultivated here and bring it back into my daily life in LA!

I feel calm and centered and I am breathing more deeply than I think I ever have (well at least consciously) And, it is amazing how fast I can relax when I just breath! It is such a happier place to be as well!! I am really becoming more and more aware of energy. Of my energy, of other people’s energy, and the energy of environments. It is fascinating to feel into it and become aware of how I feel with who, and where, and what I am doing. Really want to tap into that consistently and listen to my higher self and trust myself and my intuition. All about being aware and conscious. Takes practice and work but it is so worth it!

Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments – That I am here in Bali (pinch me life is so good). Everyday is magical and miraculous and serendipitous. I am reading “Trust Your Vibes” right now and it is perfect. I always pick the perfect book for me to read at the perfect time!!

Gratitude – I am grateful for whoever invented the internet. Wow what an incredible invention! :) I am grateful for Kafe in Ubud, Bali, I love love their food. Probably one of the best restaurants ever!! Which I have a tendency to be really picky so that is awesome and exciting to have found such an awesome place to eat almost every meal t here in Ubud! :) I am blessed to have the money to be able to buy all of the books that I have read on this trip and for all the people that made it possible for me to have those books in my hands. Truly remarkable when I think about it!! I am blessed to have Ibu who is our chef/housecleaner, she is such a sweetheart and blesses the house daily to keep the evil spirits away. Talk about gratitude. Thank you Ibu! :)

Final thoughts for today – I looked at fitness shows today and looking at one for March! :) It is time to turn it up and get this party started! :) Good Night! Sweet dreams1

‘Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm is one of my favorite words and is so important to live life to it’s fullest and experience all the juiciness! :) I am a very passionate person and I can get excited about a lot of things! It is one of my greatest gifts!! And, sometimes I can diminish and be inhibited and not fully express all of my enthusiasm. Which leaves me feeling low, uninspired, and just blah, not fun. Enthusiastic energy needs to flow!

I am creating the habit of always being enthusiastic and inspired and full of life. Why would we ever want to feel low energy!?! Life is supposed to be fun, playful, adventurous and inspiring. I have so many personal goals and dreams that there literally isn’t any time to be sad, upset, frustrated, or fatigued! There is a need for pure enthusiasm to radiate through out my life and all of my projects!!

Why not full express!?!

We could go about our daily activities with the negative noise in our heads about.. “this is boring, I don’t like to do this, ooh that again, ugh I hate doing that, or I hope that my project works, my life sucks, this is stupid..” And, then live with the lack of energy these thoughts create.

Or…. You could go throughout your day and have the thoughts and the energy of…” I am so blessed and so grateful and I know that all of my projects are amazing and satisfying. I am so blessed to be able to do this and to do that (even if it is the laundry :)) I am so excited and so full of life to do everything in my daily schedule today, even the pile of bills that need to be paid are going to be a fun filled adventure. I look forward to seeing how I can live the best day ever today”

WOW what a difference can you feel the energy?

Our thoughts have power which then create our experiences! Why not live and explore the world like a child does!?! Be curious, be open, be free and laugh a lot!! Be over the top with your enthusiasm! Some people may think that you are being too much or too excited! :) That is their problem. Smile and live with passion!

The best part is you can always increase your desire and enthusiasm! No limits to how much enthusiasm you can have in your life. How much are youonly on how much you are ready for? :)

Play a game with yourself today… Feel yourself talk, walk, move, do the dishes, anything and say, ”How can I create more enthusiasm and energy for what I am doing right now?” And, then let the ideas come to you and act on them!! And feel it building. And check in with yourself to see where you are throughout the day and rate yourself! A one being “I am so tired and fatigued I just want to crawl into bed and lay there forever” and a ten being “OOH MY GOD I am soooo excited and I can feel the energy pulsing through my body…ecstasy… keep bringing the goodness…” :)

Remember enthusiasm is the key if you want to be happy and great!!! Turn it up and Say “Bring it on Baby.”

Enjoy your enthusiastic day! :)

Glimpe into My Goddess Life

Up at 5:00 am Holosync Meditation 5:30 – 6:30 am

Diet Hot yerba matte tea and green juice

8:30 Coconut water and Papay and Pineapple

10:15 Black Rice Pudding with coconut milk

11:30 Grilled veggies and scrambled eggs

3:00 ¼ of a raw food bar and 5 pieces of papaya and coconut water

4:00 piece of dark chocolate and miso soup

5:15 stir fry veggies and brown rice

Workout – 1 hr of Goddess Movement

Word/Mantra for the day – Enthusiasm!!!!

Body/Mind/Spirit

I feel amazing today! Really really great! Happy and fulfilled and enthusiastic and passionate about my day today and the days that I am creating by the seeds of goodness I am planting today!! So, awesome to choose to be happy. No reason to choose to be confused, frustrated.. It is all in my imagination I can create any experience at any time! WOW powerful. It is all in what I give meaning! I can have something so called negative and turn it into a positive. There is always ways to grow and expand!! I am having so much fun playing around with listening to my vibes and trusting them. My intuition is so strong sometimes I just dismiss or ignore it. I am bringing her back full force! :)

Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments – In my meditation I had the idea of writing my daily yummy about enthusiasm and where to find the quote! It is perfect and just what I needed today! :) And, I had the thought as I was eating some chocolate that Brian might want it for a headache later. Thought it was random and didn’t think again and enjoyed the yummy dark chocolate..An hour later he says, “ I have a headache do we have some of that dark chocolate?” Doh! It was serendipity but would have been better if I would have listened to my gut! :)

Gratitude – I am so grateful for my mind and for the infinite universe we live in!! Talk about living in Bliss – we get the opportunity to live in it everyday. I am so blessed to be alive and happy and healthy and creative. I am so thankful for the book that I am reading right now and for all of Sonia’s wisdom and experience!! I am grateful for my breath!!! I am grateful for Tini our massage therapist who gives us wonderful massages! Today we saw a cremation of 15 people from a village in Ubub. Fascinating and beautiful celebration of life! (pictures) I grateful for my life and the process of evolving.

Final thoughts for today – It was so great to have the mantra enthusiasm! As I felt myself sometimes not feeling so enthusiastic so it was great to bring myself back to my intention for the day!! I also decided that this is like training camp the rest of this month and October! I am just getting back into recording my diet, becoming aware of what I am eating and working out at least 30 minutes everyday with the ideal being 60 minutes!! It is perfect as I will have an awesome progression the next 6 months!! It is so great to have so much time to prepare, train and transform! I feel a nervous excitement about the whole process!! Off to take an amazing Epsom salt, lavender, ylang lang bath! :) Peace!

“To be intuitive, we must cultivate our sense of humor and look for reasons to laugh everywhere. We become so self-absorbed and serious when it comes to our problems and melodramas that we disconnect from our deeper sense of who we are as beautiful souls – we withdraw from life instead of enjoying it. Laugher brings us back to ourselves and back to life.” Sonia Choquette

Beautiful! Love It! :) This quote is like music to my ears. I love to laugh. It is actually going to be one of my new hobbies, it just feels so damn good! It is in my DNA I love to sing, dance, be funny, laugh and play like a little child. And after reading Sonia’s book Trust your Vibes I realize how much I repress that part of me. It literally kills my spirit when I don’t give myself permission to be silly and goofy!! That is one of the times I feel most alive!

So, why don’t I do it more often!?! Because there is a story in my head that life is serious, and challenging, and you need to work hard and be disciplined and control your life and that goofing around does nothing to further along my evolution or the evolution of the planet. I don’t have time to play, sing, dance there is work to get done!!!!!

And I believe that story is from my intellectual side, my fifth sensory side (meaning only seeing the world with my 5 senses!) Which is very limited compared to the sixth sensory part of me, which is my playful, spiritual self. Who is light hearted, and fun, and in the flow of life, and manifesting miracles, and happy, and always enjoying life no matter what, and knows that life is easy and joyful and pure love. Wow! What a difference which one will I choose to live from!?! ;)

This sixth sense part of me is where my intuition lies. And intuition for me is God, my Higher Self speaking to me! Soooo, if I would like to tap into the secrets of the Universe, aka God, then wouldn’t it make sense to live from all of my six senses!?! :) Which would mean a lot more fun, a lot more laughing and enjoying myself (even my so called problems could be fun)! Whoa, what happens to my other story that life is hard and I need to be serious to be successful. Hmmmm I say we just throw it out in the garbage and say “see ya later, I gotta go get my fun on!” :)

I think that we addicted to being serious and boring. Creativity lies in our sixth sense in our ability to let go, and let God! When we are trying to control everything in our life and not having any fun, limiting our pleasure, our souls begin to wither away!! I have this deep urge to play and laugh and the heaviness of I need to grow up, and be responsible and that whole enjoyment thing is a waste of time. BS!!

Yes grow up and keep evolving into a beautiful human being full of love, and generosity but don’t lose that innocent childlike nature. It is your connection to God, to your creativity, to bliss!! And, my Higher Self gives me guidance when I am losing myself in something I truly enjoy! Sounds like a win/win to me!!

So how can we bring more fun and play into our lives!?!

I suggest to make a list of all the things that we enjoy to do and start doing them. We can make a list of all of our so-called problems and find a humorous way to look at them, just to get a different viewpoint. We can play with a child or a dog (notice how they can play for hours ;) What about dancing in the rain? Or having a dance party in your bedroom and dance on the bed and be the rock star you have always dreamed to be! Or maybe experiment in the kitchen and make something new. Climb a tree, go swing in a park, watch clouds float by and see all the different shapes they make. What about taking a painting class, or a dance class, or reading a book on humor! Or what about looking at yourself in the mirror and make faces at yourself till you laugh. Wear the craziest outfit you can imagine! As you can see there are millions of ideas of how you can create fun and laughter in your life!

Now, let’s go out and create some fun today!! As Nietzsche said. “I would believe only in a God who could dance.” So how about we go meet God and get our dance on, shake that booty and play like we have never played before!! :)

A glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30-6:30 am

Workout – 7:45-8:30 am – Yoga

Diet – Yerba Matte tea and beet parsley, cucumber, celery juice

8:45 Papaya and pineapple and mango

10:45 Buckwheat pancakes, ghee and berry compote (heaven:))

12:00 Coconut water and meat

3:30 green juice, small portion of red rice and 10 walnuts

4:30 corn quesadillas and guacamole

5:00 Tofu Stir fry and brown rice

6:00 dark chocolate (I love this stuff – never have been a chocolate fan until recently! :) )

Word for the day – Play

Mind/Body/Spirit - I did a lighter workout today. Just wanted to be calmer today and relax! And I actually played a game with myself and asked my Higher Self to guide me in the workout and I just did what ever popped in my head, it is a great way to surrender and let Spirit guide me! :) But I feel great and I am loving my body more and more everyday and it is so much fun to play, amazing how many things this one body can and does do in a day!! I had an awesome meditation this morning and I actually look forward to my 1 hr sitting in the morning who would have thought!?! ;) And, I am really understanding this whole life thing! Only taken me a couple of years. But I am seeing how important relaxation, fun and play are to have in my daily life. It literally connects me to God, I feel this and I know that this is where my transformation lies. So great to know and so blessed to be creating the practices to allow God to flow through me! WOW!

Fun/Creativity – I took a bath and listened to India Arie on my ipod and rocked out. Felt so good. I love music and I want to listen to it more often!! Feels good in my soul! She is one soulful sista! Dig it! And, we had a day of silence today. I know doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, but it is. It is amazing what you miss out in the world when you are always talking or listening to someone else talk or thinking about what you are going to say next. It is a great way to tap into your other senses! :)

Magic/Miracles and Serendipitous moments – I had the thought of how I would really like a drink of water today and then Brian poured a glass within seconds and offered me some! :) A day of silence is magical!!

Gratitude - I am grateful for music, I am grateful for love, grateful for silence. I am grateful for all of the books we have. I am grateful for my journal and I am grateful for my Higher Self, who I am becoming more and more intimate with!

Final thoughts for today – Living in Bliss.. This I am doing. I am so happy to be living the life that I am living!!

“I believe sincerely that every man has consummate genius within him. Some appear to have it more than others only because they are aware of it more than others are, and the awareness or unawareness of it is what makes each one of them into masters or holds them down to mediocrity. I believe that mediocrity is self-inflicted and that genius is self-bestowed. Every successful man I ever have known, and I have known a great many, carries with him the key which unlocks that awareness and let’s in the universal power that has made him into a master…”That key is desire when it is released into the great eternal Energy of the universe.” Walter Russell

This quote comes from an amazing man Walter Russell I just read a book on him called The Man Who Tapped The Secrets of The Universe. It is a short read but packed with lots of goodness and wisdom. He is profound as you read in the quote above!

I agree with him that we all have genius within us. And, I know we all have had glimpses of it and maybe some are living out their genius everyday. This is something that I am desiring to do. And as Russell says desire is the key that unlocks the universal power!

We can’t just have a want, or a thought of that would be nice, it has to be a burning desire! A burning desire to know God, to unlock the mysteries of the Universe, to create that business, relationship, to be healthy. Whatever it is that we want we have to create the desire and KNOW and have infinite patience that the Universe will provide us the answers and the paths in which is the best way to fulfill our desires!

And how about mediocrity being self-inflicted? Wow! We are born for greatness! I can feel it in my bones that we are destined to be all that we dream to be. That we are all God’s children and here to give and receive all that we can!! That is the way Nature works. When a tree is growing it only knows but to be the best tree that it can be, it reaches for the sunlight and drinks of the goodness that the earth gives and it is beautiful!!

Like the tree, we all have within us this seed that desires to grow and expand to an even greater expression of itself!! The seed knows how to grow greatness and it does so without thinking about it. That same Intelligience is growing us, it is nudging us forward to be greater than we are right now, to grow, to expand, to live! And, often times we ignore the impulses or are too stimulated by the world to hear the desires of our soul.

This Intelligence is quiet, and we must be still in order to fully hear It flowing through us! It does not scream and shout at us, it is soft and gentle and available to us all of the time, we just need to be still and ask!

What is the genius inside of you telling you to do!?! Maybe write that book, or maybe love more and deeper, be more open, go to Italy!?! :) The genius inside knows. Trust, listen and confidently follow the path the Universe whispers to you. We all have the keys to our own greatness, we just need to use them and unlock the mysteries of our universe!

Take some time alone and listen deep within and see what you find and enjoy your genius! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 5 am Meditate 5:30-6:30 am

Workout – 6:55 to 8:35 Goddess movement – more intense got the heart rate up!

Diet

7am hot Jasmine tea

8 am Papaya and Pineapple

9:45 Soymilk, raw cacao, blueberry, smoothie

1:00 nachos and big salad

2:00 dark chocolate piece

4:00 coconut water and lemon, honey, ginger, mint drink

5:00 quesadillas and stir fry with brown rice

Mantra/intention/Word for the day – I am a Genius!

Mind/Body/Spirit – Felt awesome today. Energy was high. Emotions were balanced and felt really connected to myself and to Brian! :) And, really feeling the desire to know and experience God more! I actually get excited to meet with my higher self in my morning meditation that is awesome!

Fun/Creativity – Watched the funny movie Starksy & Hutch

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – I had a magical massage today and I had some amazing creative brainstorms today, life transforming actually!! :) Magical that we may be staying in Bali for longer than planned!!

Gratitude & Appreciation – I appreciate Charley and his beautiful house! I am grateful for my life, it is truly a charmed life. I appreciate Brian and all of his creativity and brilliance! I am blessed to be able to be able to have the day I had today on a regular basis!! I am grateful for my hands to be able to type this blog post. I am grateful for all of the teachers/people that inspire me to be a better woman. I am grateful for my healthy body!

Thoughts about the day – Life just keeps getting better and better!!! Excited to meet the sun tomorrow. Good night!!

“You cannot go beyond your own self accepted image. As long as you underestimate yourself, you cannot succeed in life.” Raymond Charles Barker

Are you aware of what your self image is and how it is running your life!?! Look at all aspects of your life and then you will see the health of your self image. Have you always wanted to do something, be someone but didn’t do it, or thought it was out of your reach! Who says!?! My guess is that you have told yourself that or have let the critics get you down. The sweet part is that you are the only one who gets to say how great or weak you are. You are the one who is creating your self-image every single moment of your life.

I know there is a lot of spiritual talk about ego, and killing the ego, and not having desires, to be happy without being anyone or have lots of money, don’t be too focused on what you look like, that is vain and you should just forget about having that hot body, it isn’t important…

And, for me I have allowed these ideas stop me from dreaming. And to be honest I don’t give a shit about my ego or killing it. What I care about is being happy and being the most radiant, energy filled Goddess. And, if this is my life to live as I choose I want to have fun, I want to enjoy it, I want there to be abundance, beauty, joy, laughter, and creativity! How about you, what do you want!?!

And I know for myself I want more self-confidence and a bigger, more audacious self-image. One who isn’t fearful, one that is powerful, beautiful, outrageous and full of inspiration and enthusiasm for life. I want to keep improving my self-image so that I can be a light and I can shine out into the world. I never want to underestimate myself. I want to always say.. Dream Big!! Go for it! Become all that you have imagined yourself to be and more!! Expand, Grow and Live!!

We need to fully embrace our egos, embrace our dreams and be who we dream to be! Declare it as our truth, know it and live it!! And, to quote 50 cent the rapper “This is who I am, like it or love it.” Hot! :)

Be Bold! Create your ideal self now!!

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30- 6:30

Workout – 40 minute yoga – low intensity

Diet

6:45 Pineapple and Papaya & Jasmine Tea

9:00 Beet, Celery, Cucumber, Parsley juice

9:45 Blueberry, soymilk, raw cacao, stevia & honey

12:30 green juice grilled vegetables and scrambled eggs

3:00 Indian Plate from Kafe

4:15 Yummy piece of dark chocolate

5:45 Buckwheat Pancakes omg sooo good! :)

Mantra/intention for the day – Love (didn’t meditate on this today so might be for tomorrow too)

Mind/Body/Spirit – I woke up a bit tired today, but had an awesome light workout and felt better! And even better after a 90 minute massage…aaahhh!! Two of my favorite things working out and massage! I felt happy today and really excited about the adventure we are on. We are not sure how long we are going to be out of the country have had visions of 1-12 more months! I had an emotional response to the thought of giving away our dog, Joy, so we decided she is a priority in our lives and we want to keep her! Yahooo! I love the bundle of Joy. It is so great to feel that love for her too, not too long ago I thought people who loved their animals that much were a bit whacky! :) Now I feel the deep love for that little girl!! Soo great and beautiful.

Fun/Creativity – I had an awesome creative brainstorm on my new website! So cool!

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – Had a magical conversation with Brian today about Joy, our lives, and what our goals and intentions are!! Love how clear we are getting about what we want!!

Gratitude – I am grateful for Joy. I am grateful for my Mom, I so appreciate who she is and all that she gives to me and the world. I appreciate my journey. I am grateful for Made our driver and Ibu (please send her love she is not feeling that well.)

Thoughts on the day – I am thrilled at the life that I am creating and I feel so blessed to be creating it with my family, Brian and Joy!! I am having so much FUN! :)

Are you overweight because you overeat or do you overeat because you think your overweight?

If we think that we are skinny will we overeat? Maybe, but chances are probably not. If we think we are fat will we overeat? From my experiences of being overweight the fatter I felt the more I wanted to eat! :) And, then I would feel shameful, guilty and depressed which only made me feel even more fat and upset and round and round the cycle went. And, I was always working at changing my behavior. If I only I could stop overeating.

But, it isn’t the action of overeating that we need to change. It is our mind. If we transform our minds and our thoughts about who we are, our actions will line up and be consistent with who we believe ourselves to be!

If I believe that I am always struggling with my body and my weight then that is the reality that I will create everyday, month, year! :) But if I believe that I am beautiful, lean, healthy and look like I just stepped out of a photo shoot that is what I will be! What we think about creates images in our mind and that is who we become! So, we need to be constantly appreciating the good in ourselves and increasing our self-image so that it reflects who we want to be.

And I, write about this as someone who has struggled with her weight, body image and food!! It has been an amazing transformation and quite a journey that was really challenging for me. I feel like I have found freedom in my body. And, I know that it has come through changing my thoughts about myself, food and my body! I also know that this is only the beginning…there is so much more to explore and experience!

So, there ya go today’s goodness is change the way that we think about ourselves. Start affirming who we want to be and who we truly are, which is magnificent and fabulous! And, then watch our actions line up with that greatness! :) Let’s have fun becoming the person we have always wanted to become!

We are who we think we are and remember anything is possible! :)

Up at 4:15am Meditation 4:30- 5:30

Yoga Nidra 30 minutes

Workout – 20 minute walk and 1 hr of Yoga!

Diet

6 am lemon, ginger, mint, honey drink

7 am green juice

8:30 Bowl of Fruit

9:30 Coconut Water

10 am Quinoa with ghee and honey – 11:00 aloe vera soda

11:45 Grilled Veggies and Feta Salad

2:00 Bowl of quinoa Braggs and ghee

3:30 Dark chocolate and yerba matte tea

5:00 Indian Plate and some chips and guacamole

Mantra/intention for the day – Forgiveness (came to me in meditation)

Mind/Body/Spirit – I woke up at 4:15 am with so much excitement and enthusiasm and was so excited to go to my morning meeting (meditation) with my higher self!! Fantastic morning. I have been going back and forth about whether to do a fitness show or not and woke up this morning and new that it was for me! I had some amazing visions and was invigorated to have the goal. I have done shows in the past that came from a negative place, I wanted to lose weight, wasn’t happy with the way that I looked, and I thought I needed to do it to be beautiful or accomplished! Today it was like WOW what an amazing fun goal and it was more for pleasure than it was to escape the pain! Which feels beautiful and a totally different consciousness around it, which is inspiring and exciting! And, my body felt amazing this morning too! Had an amazing workout, really felt in the flow and connected to my body!

I am having dreams about my using my intuition and positive affirmations. How cool is that!?! Transformation is happening in my sleep, gotta dig that! :)

Fun/Creativity – A little Sfactor Dancing today! And did something special and fun for my lover! :) And wrote an awesome poem! I felt so ALIVE and SEXY doing all of them today! There is something to this fun and creativity! :)

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – WoW magical day. Won’t share all of the details as they are private. But wow, wow, wow! :) Love and Life are good!!

Gratitude – I am grateful for the Goddess within. I am grateful for the Divine Intelligence! I am grateful for Science of Mind and all of the great books that have come from new thought. I am grateful for coconut water, yummy! :) I am grateful for my sexuality and grateful for my inner sanctuary!

Thoughts on the day – What an amazing day! The days just keep getting better and better and so fun of goodness. I feel very happy to be in Bali doing what we are doing!! What a dream come true!

Today’s Yummy was inspired by my favorite Philosopher, who also happens to be my fiancé! He quoted this in our morning conversation! "Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts; for the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. Soak it then in such trains of thoughts as, for example: Where life is possible at all, a right life is possible." Marcus Aurelius

Such a beautiful quote!! For the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.! Stunning!

I want to be soaking my mind in pure yumminess! Are my habitual thoughts positive and creating the right life I dream to live!?! If they are, fantastic. If not, then I need to get soaking in better thoughts!

I think it is one of the best investments of our lives to monitor and change our thoughts. Even though I have read it hundreds of times, I am now just experiencing the power of my thoughts. The thoughts we think influence everything in our life, our emotions, feelings, and our whole perspective on life!

It is fun for me now to observe my thoughts, and see how I can transform them and when I do I feel my energy shift! Just one shift and my whole outlook on life can transform. This is why I immerse myself in this wisdom and knowledge so that I can keep reminding myself of the infinite possibilities of feeling good.

It is amazing how one negative thought leads to another and another and then before you know it we feel tired, stressed, anxious and depressed! If we can get skilled enough to catch the first thought, transform it, we will venture on a whole new happy path!! Isn’t this fun!?! :)

Let’s soak our thoughts in abundance, love, prosperity, greatness, beauty, kindness, expansion and deliciousness today and continue to dye our souls with brilliance!! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30- 6:30

Workout – 1 hr workout (fit training, yoga, walking)

Diet

6:45 Detox drink & hot Jasmine tea

8:45 Beet, celery, parsley, cucumber juice and Papaya

9:45 Bowl of Quinoa, honey, and ghee

12:30 aloe vera soda, Pear & Ginger Buckwheat pancakes

2:15 dark chocolate

4:15 stir fry with brown rice and guacamole and chips

6:00 Detox drink

Mantra/intention for the day – I am wonderful! Acceptance!

Mind/Body/Spirit – Woke up right before the alarm today and had just had an awesome dream about using my intuition. How cool is that!?! I felt fantastic and still do. Meditations are getting better and better, controlling my mind a lot more and visualizations are getting more colorful!

I genuinely feel happy, which is nice because sometimes I feel like I am being effortful in being happy. It is just coming from within!! :) I am really tuning into what feels good and speaking it authentically. There is nothing wrong with living my life feeling good all the time! I don’t see any reason not to feel good all the time! :) I know there may be times in life where I don’t feel totally blessed out! But even, then I can shift my perception; I can think a different thought and feel a little bit better. There is always another step up to feel just a wee bit better than I do now!

Awesome that I would write this in the am! Because the day gave me just what I needed to test to see if I could really feel good all the time! For the first time in awhile I felt frustrated today!! Frustrated trying to connect to Japan Airlines, with our ticket, with the heat, with a headache! I also had fear that Susu, Charley dog (who’s house we are watching while he is in the states) was dying somewhere out in the rice fields… She hasn’t come home for 2 days! Praying she is ok!

It was awesome to feel those negative feelings and external circumstances and to look at them objectively and remind myself I am here to grow, to expand and to transform… And everything can be positive if that is the outlook I choose.

Fun/Creativity – I watched a movie!?! Whoa I know loads of fun and creativity! ;)

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – Seem to be a lot of serendipity today but not in what I wanted, more of what I didn’t want! :) One funny thing is I was in a public bathroom, (bali toilets tend to be pretty disgusting) and there was no toilet paper! But, then remember that I had put a tissue in my purse the other day, perfect timing! :) I knew I would use it sometime!

Gratitude – I am grateful to have emotions to let me know when I am off. I am grateful for my body. I am grateful to be living in Bali. I am grateful for all of the choices I have in my life. I really appreciate this transformational journey I am on!

Thought on the day – I have a headache and I am sad that Susu might be dead!?!  I am working on being open that this is part of life..death… But having a challenging time with it!! Just feel off today! Heading to bed early 8 pm and get some extra rest!

“When you decide to be happy, the creative process of Mind moves into instant action upon your decision…Do you actually believe you have a right to be happy?”

Raymond Charles Barker from The Power of Decision

I choose to be happy! I choose to be happy! I choose to be happy!

It is a choice! To be happy or unhappy! I know you are thinking…”yea, but what if a have a flat tire, a divorce, an illness, family death, no money.” We often justify our unhappiness and let ourselves off the hook for being upset, depressed or angry. And, majority of society would agree we do indeed have valid reasons for feeling these emotions.

But, do we really want to be upset, depressed or angry!?! And, then justify it by using outside circumstances as excuses to why we feel these emotions!?! I know I don’t. I want to be empowerd and I want to be able to live from the place where nothing in the outside world affects my inner peace and happiness!

And, honestly today hasn’t been a natural happy day for me. I just feel poopy and crabby! It is times like this that I need to keep affirming, “I choose to be happy. I am happy. I am so blessed. I am grateful My life is getting better and better.”. This is when my true spiritual growth and commitment is tested! I could say, “you know what screw it I am having a lousy day I have a headache I am just going to feel bad and then have a bad, crabby day end of story.”

That isn’t the end of the story. From the outside it might not look like the end of the world to have a bad day… But if we look deeper we can see that every moment of our lives is imprinted in our brain, in our consciousness. With every thought and emotion we are planting seeds. And, if we allow negative thoughts and emotions to consume us we are planting negative seeds. I do not want to grow any of those seeds, so why plant them? I want to grow only happy seeds!

It takes discipline, commitment, persistence and desire to do the work and to have a strong mind. But, I know that in the end the fruits that I am growing are going to be beautiful, amazing, powerful, and abundant! :)

Today I breathe, I relax and hold the intention of pure bliss, and joy!! I have a right to be happy!! And I choose happiness now! :)

I feel better already, how about you?

A glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30- 6:30

1hr of Kelly Howell Meditation -

Workout – 30 minute walk

Diet

6:30 Jasmine Tea and Papaya

8:30 Quinoa, honey, ghee

11:00 Dark chocolate

12:30 Grilled veggie, feta salad

2:30 Bowl of quinoa, ghee and braggs

3:30 herba matte tea

5:15 Liver Detox shot (tumeric) & Buckwheat Pancakes with ghee and mulberries

Mantra/intention for the day – Open – I am open

Mind/Body/Spirit – Woke up today with a headache and it is 3:40 pm and I still feel a bit off. It is amazing how feeling off in my mind and body influences my life and my experiences! If I am feeling amazing I am “on” and everything is bliss. If I feel off, I really have to work to experience that everything is amazing and wonderful!! I am committed to feeling good so I keep affirming that today! And I know this too will pass as everything does. Just where I am today!

Fun/Creativity – Wrote out all of my dreams! I have so many of them that there is a lifetime of study and learning to be done to accomplish them all! That is so exciting to me and I know that I will be able to do all of them!! Just trusting my process to do the next one that calls to me! :)

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – Brian had a vision in his meditation to be back in the states at the New Year so that I can go to school in Jan. (which is a creative dream I have had for a awhile now). How magical to be living in Bali for 5 months!! Thrilled to be me! :)

Gratitude – I am grateful that I get up at 5 am and do an hour of meditation. I appreciate having a partner committed to growth! I am grateful for all of the people that go into preparing and delivering our yummy food. I am grateful for dark chocolate! :) (even though I might experiment not eating it for a day or two! ;) I am grateful for bathtubs I hart baths! :)

Thoughts on the day – I have been recording and getting back into my “training” regimen with training everyday and recording my diet. We eat out every single day. And as much as I love Kafe and Bali Buddha (two places we order in from) I am feeling like I want to start doing my own thing!! Eating out less and overall eating less. I basically can maintain the weight I am right now with eating whatever I choose whenever. It is awesome. But, if my ideal is to feel optimal, I am not sure my current way of eating is in alignment. I feel best when I don’t eat as much and I eat lighter foods!!! So, just because I am in a foreign country doesn’t mean I can’t eat my ideal diet! Just need to have a clear intention! :) And, another note I have about 14 weeks left here in Bali and about 25 weeks until March 28^th, which is the date for the fitness show I am thinking about doing! :)

“If you want to trust your vibes, you must absolutely “get” that you have a psychic sixth sense that picks them up, even if it’s dormant right now. Your sixth sense is your natural inner genius, and even though you might not believe in it, it’s normal to be a spiritual being guided by the Universe.” Sonia Choquette

I have always been fascinated with God and Spirituality, the Universe! What are we doing here? Is there a God? What is intuition? How do I connect to God within? All of these questions have been pondered in my many journals over the years!

And, I believe that we do have an inner genius. That we do have vibes, intuition that is guiding us all the time! Have you ever felt totally alive and in sync with yourself, with nature and all of your dreams? I have had many experiences like this and for me that is trusting the Divine, that is living out my bliss, and trusting my vibes to fully guide me. Being in the flow of life!

In Sonia’s amazing book Trust Your Vibes. She talks about being a five-sensory person who believes only in the physical world, only experiencing the five senses. And the six sensory person is someone who taps into something greater than themselves, to what I would call God, Divine, Genius! They are aware of their five senses and know that isn’t all there is, that there is a spiritual plane where God speaks to us! I vote for a being a six sensory person! ;)

I believe that there is a Higher Power that is guiding me. I have felt it at times. I have experienced it in my journaling and writing and when I feel most alive. I also know that this Power has been very dormant for me. I am waking up and realizing there is limitless potential dwelling inside of me! I know that I am more than this body, that my mind is limitless therefore I can do anything I want to do. It is just trusting myself and following my bliss.

I believe we all have latent potential inside of us calling to come out and play! I experience this potential by going inside and doing things I love! For example, writing out my dreams and goals, being in silence and nature, and meditating. These are times I hear the subtle vibrations of my inner genius. But I know she desires me to open more to hear her guidance all the time! I look forward to the day, as I know I am approaching, when She speaks to me all the time, through everything, and I understand her language. I am learning a new language. The language of God!

I know I have a sixth sense. And, today I ask to be open and receptive to hearing it loud and clear! I trust in the Divine process and want to understand Her!

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30- 6:30

Workout - 40 minutes of Goddess movement / 1 hr massage

Diet – green juice and tea

8:45 Bowl of papaya

9:45 scrambled eggs with grilled veggies and feta cheese

11:00 dark chocolate and ginger tea

1:00 Quinoa with pumpkin soup and some nachos

3:30 Small salad with tahini dressing

4:30 5 pieces of pineapple

5:30 Quesadilla, chips and guacamole and butterscott dessert :)

Note on my diet – I am going to experiment with not eating chocolate and chips except for maybe a special treat a couple times a week but not everyday which is what I have been eating! :) I don’t feel guilty which is so awesome just don’t feel it aligns with what my goals!

Mantra/intention for the day – Love – I love myself

Mind/Body/Spirit – I woke up feeling so much better today. Had an amazing meditation. Like I said in my yummy for today. I am learning a new language. The language of the Goddess and she is quiet and powerful and I feel like I am hearing Her subtle presence. And, I long to hear Her presence powerfully and all the time. I desire to connect and live from that place deep inside of me that I know is pure, whole, happy and full of love and creativity. And, I know I do this through all of this amazing transformation work I am doing. With the body, with my mind and emotions and connecting to Spirit. That there is a whole process of uncovering what is not ME and returning to the deepest, purest me!!

I feel peaceful, connected and excited today!! And, that all of my dreams are just a part of my journey, they do not define me, for you cannot confine my beautiful soul in a body, in a dream, or something that I have done or will do. I am too big for that! :) And, I know that every dream that I have is an important part of my journey. Therefore I treat everything I do as sacred! :)

Fun/Creativity – created a colorful collage

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – The sunrises here are incredible. Life is a miracle. It is magical that am living on this planet called Earth, that I get to experience this amazing thing we called Life, and that I wake up every morning and greet the sun with reverence and awe!

Gratitude – I am grateful for my morning meditation. I am grateful for my body and I appreciate being able to workout. I am grateful for the amazing sunrise here in Bali! I am blessed to be writing this very moment. I am blessed to be in love with an amazing, inspirational, and committed man. I am grateful for our little doggie, Joy (can’t wait to see her soon :) ) I am grateful for my journal and my ipod with so much goodness on it!

Thoughts on the day – I didn’t read/study/write as much as I would have liked to today! But I felt really good and continue to feel really excited about my daily life and routines! Really committed to having my life flow with freedom and ease!!

Today I did some journaling and really wanted to get my whole 5 – 10 year vision down! I wanted to have it clear! It actually stresses me out to think that far ahead! So, my focus today was on what is my bliss right now, and then in the next 1-3 months! And then I will go from there! I don’t need to have my whole life planned out right now! Just do what I am inspired to do now!

“Follow your bliss.” Joseph Campbell

Bliss has always been one of my favorite words. I have had this quote in my thoughts many times over the last 10 years. Follow my bliss. Follow my bliss. And, then looking to find what gives me the most joy and then doing it!!

This has led me down some amazing paths, and full of joy and creativity, and adventure. But it hasn’t always been sunshine achieving my bliss. The reality is many times I have known what my joy and bliss have been but I didn’t follow it. It hasn’t always been so called “normal”. I didn’t fit into society’s idea for a Midwest girl!! So I was confronted… I had found something that gave me the most joy, and I didn’t know anyone who is doing it. I let fear stop me and went with the pack and said. “Maybe I should try to be more normal and realistic?”

So, I looked to follow other people’s bliss. Not a good idea! Never felt alive and fulfilled, and it was very draining for me to try to follow someone else’s path! To quote Campbell again, ”People say that what we are seeking is a meaning of life. I don't think this is what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeing is an experience of being alive.” Can I get an Amen I love Joseph!! :)

I could care less about the meaning of life actually. I want to feel alive, I want to live out my dreams, I want to be happy! I want to feel connected to the life force that flows through my body and I want this for everyone else on the planet as well!!

I don’t know about you but I tend to complicate things. I can start to analyze things, and start asking “why do I want to do that? Is that my ego? Is that really what I want to do? I don’t see myself doing that in 10 years, why would I do it now?” Who the hells cares!!!! I have these desires, these dreams and they make me feel really good right now. So, follow that piece of bliss and go for it!!

An example in my current life right now! I love love love to train and to live the athlete life. There is something that is so invigorating for me. I love to get better, stronger!! I also love to be beautiful and radiant. So, for me right now fitness shows gets me fired up because I can combine the two and it is a fun and dynamic!! So, I feel excited and then I start to have thoughts like.. “I am not a bodybuilder, I don’t want to focus that much on my body, what a selfish goal, it doesn’t serve anyone but myself, it is superficial, promotes a false sense of beauty…” blah blah blah the list can go on and then any bliss I felt when I first got inspired is gone and I am no longer sure I want to do it!! Funny how our minds work huh? :)

So, today I made the decision to go for it! Fitness Show Goddess coming at ya! :) How can I be the most radiant fitness goddess possible is the question I ponder now!?! How about you is there a bliss in your life that you desire to follow!?! Follow it, feel alive and inspire the rest of us with accomplishing that dream! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:30- 6:30

11:00 -12:00 Kelly Howell (brain waves – destiny)

7:30-8:30 Kelly Howell Universal Mind

Workout – 30 min walk – 20 minuet stretch

1 hr massage

Diet –

7:00 detox drink & ginger, lemon, honey tea

8:00 Beet the heat drink

8:45 Pineapple

10:00 Buckwheat pancakes with berry compote

12:30 Green juice

1:00 Grilled Veggies, feta salad & hot cocoa with soymilk

5:15 coconut water & Indian Plate

Mantra/intention for the day – I actually didn’t create one today! Oops!

Mind/Body/Spirit – Woke up a bit groggy! And funny, last night’s meal wasn’t all that great health-wise! And it had my body overheated I woke up in the middle of the night hot. I have experienced this before when I eat less than optimal food and too much sugar. It was amazing to feel and I don’t need to do it again! :) I didn’t have dark chocolate today! YEA!

I am really inspired to compete and creating more and more desire everyday about the process and how I can have as much fun as possible!! I am loving doing 3 mediations a day! Truly remarkable to do 3 hrs of meditation and subconscious/guided visualization work! AMAZING! I feel my mind and brain transforming!

Fun/Creativity – created a fun collage of my affirmations with markers

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – I love the synergy between Brian and I. It is so awesome as we are both creating a new website right now and we both have such amazing ideas, it is really magical to see the process unfold!! Miracle is that I got clear on what I am committed to in the next 6-12 months!! Magical to feel the deep commitment and knowing that everything is going to work out perfectly and better than I can even imagine right now!

Gratitude – I am so blessed to be living in Bali. I appreciate daily massages, and yummy food, and meditation, and my bose headphones (they are rockin), I appreciate my creativity, I appreciate my passion for growth and expansion, I appreciate Kelly Howell, and I am grateful for the Indian Plate I am about to go and eat! :)

Thought on the day – Amazing day!! I am becoming more of my higher self everyday. I feel it, I can see it and I know it!! It feels so amazing to be writing everyday. I thank you for reading and I am excited to share all of my ideas with you! :) Good Night! xoxoxooxoxox

I have always wanted to get up before the sunrise. Intuitively, it always felt right to get up before or at sunrise and then go to bed a few hours after sunset. I have had some short term success with this. But it always seemed to be a struggle, and the idea of getting up when it was still dark, just didn’t inspire me! ;)

This all changed when I moved to Bali. And I got really in tune with the cycles of nature and craved the silence and serenity of the early mornings! Now, I am up at 5 am every morning and in bed by between 8:30-10:00. It has been amazing and the best part is I didn’t force it, it just naturally happened.

I think the key factors for me are daily meditation practice in the early morning as the sun is rising, as it feels really good to greet the day this way. And, also I haven’t been using electronics after 6 pm. So, I am not on the computer late at night, or watching tv.

This has been one of the best practices that I have incorporated in my life. And, I am now committed to waking up every day at 5 am and doing my hour of meditation. To me this is priceless and gives me so much joy and connection! I look forward to 5 am now! What an amazing gift!

Try it out and let me know how it goes!! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:15- 6:15

Workout – 45 minute goddess movement

Massage 1 hr

Diet –

6:15 Yerba matte & coconut water

7:00 Green juice

8:45 Banana and pineapple

9:45 Belly juice

10:15 Scrambled eggs with grilled veggies

12:45 Carrot, Ginger soup

1:15 Salad

5:15 Veggie Rolls, samosa, and pesto broccli soup

6:00 hot lemon, honey, ginger tea

Mantra/intention for the day – Appreciation – I appreciate everything

Mind/Body/Spirit – We got woken up in the middle of the night from the Ming, Charley’s dog, barking. She was chasing a mouse and couldn’t find it in the shed! She was determined!! But still committed to waking up at 5 am. It feels so amazing to do that everyday!

I felt incredible all day today!! And, had so many fun, creative ideas that I am looking forward to implementing!

Fun/Creativity – bought some fun comedies – designed my website – creative brainstorm

Magic, Miracles and Serendipitous Moments – I was thinking ordering from Kafe and Brian said let’s order from Kafe 2 seconds later! Magical meditation this morning!! We couldn’t find FedEx today but serendipitous our driver went to get gas and we saw it! Yea!

Gratitude – I am so gratefull for brian’s creativity and business knowledge. I am one lucky Goddess! :) I am grateful for my new website. I am grateful for all of my creative ideas! I appreciate this time in Bali, to read/write/study!!

Thought on the day – Amazing day! WoW. So excited to go to bed and dream sweet dreams and then wake up to another ideal day on this beautiful earth!

“When people come to me with a problem, I don’t care what it is – poor healthy, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships, or stifled creativity – there is only one thing I ever work on, and that is LOVING THE SELF. I find that when we really love and accept and APPROVE OF OURSELVES EXACTLY AS WE ARE, then everything in life works.” Louise Hay from You Can Heal Your Life.

This is a practice I am working on all the time. I find that I have moments where I am totally embodying it and then others when I am not! And it is amazing how self-criticism just sneaks in there. For example, as I love to write and express myself, and I have never been an “A” student in English and Grammar. :) I just write because I LOVE it!

But my self critical voice comes up once in awhile that says…”you are not a professional writer, you write stupid stuff, you should really learn how to write, your grammar sucks, you should be embarrassed that a woman with a college degree doesn’t write better.” And, these are often subtle thoughts and unless I am really paying attention it sneaks in my mind.

But the thing is after we allow one negative thought in our mind, more keep on coming until eventually I convince myself I am not a writer and shouldn’t be writing and stop and feel uninspired and stupid. So, yea that isn’t very fun and inspiring!

So, I totally agree with Louise in loving ourselves and accepting ourselves just the way we are. When I am having these thoughts I turn them into; “I am unique and different and if I was inspired I could learn better grammar and writing skills. But, right now I just love to express myself and if at some point in the future I decide to refine I will. :) Thanks for sharing, critical mind I know that you are just trying to protect me from looking stupid. I appreciate it and I feel really good and happy when I am sharing, so I am going to keep on doing that!” I then feel alive and excited and happy to be writing these words and fully accept who I am right now.

It is all about loving ourselves and who we truly are. We are worthy right now and maybe we want to improve and transform our self image which is fantastic we are here to grow and evolve. I love the affirmation. I am worthy right now of love and acceptance; I do not need to be anyone other than who I am right now. I love and accept myself!

Watch out for the negative, critical thoughts, and learn to love and appreciate yourself more fully!

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am Meditation 5:15- 6:15

Yoga Nidra – 30 minutes

Workout – 1 hr of yoga

Diet –

6:30 Peppermint tea & aloe vera drink & blood cleanser juice

8:35 Bowl of papaya and pineapple

9:45 Bowl of quinoa, with ghee, honey

12:30 hot lemon, ginger honey tea, big salad with tempe and tofu, potato wedges

2:30 Dark chocolate

4:15 pineapple and detox drink (lemon, honey, ginger, aloe mint)

5:30 chips and guacamole and small bowl of stir fry and brown rice

Mantra/intention for the day – Health. I am health! I choose health!

Mind/Body/Spirit – It feels so great to wake up at 5 am and meditate and then drink some tea and juice and then workout. If I do these things everyday I am happy and I feel really good! Oh, and also write in my daily journal! ;) It is amazing to feel excited to meditate and to workout! Before they both were chores for me, something that I wasn’t inspired to do, but I just did because it was the right thing to do. Now I am in the flow of connecting to my body, mind and spirit and it is a daily practice I intend on keeping!

Fun/Creativity – I created this awesome affirmation note with my intentions to feel good! It is nice and colorful and brings a smile to my face when I read it!

Gratitude – I am grateful for my life and for my amazing mind!

Thoughts on the day – I am reading Ester and Jerry Hicks, Money and the Law of Attraction right now and it is amazing! I read like 100 pages today and I can’t wait to finish it tomorrow! There work was what they based the movie The Secret on! Good, good stuff. I feel really good and resonate with what I am reading!!

“Today, no matter where I am going, no matter what I am doing, it is my dominant intent to look for what I am wanting to see.” From Money, and the Law of Attraction

Brilliant! Just reading that makes you feel good doesn’t it!?! :) It does for me! No matter what happens today I am going to look for what I want to see. Because what I focus on is what I attract into my life. If I look to the lack in any area of my life, I then attract the vibration of lack, which will just gives me more things to feel bad about! Not so much fun!

You may be wondering what the hell does “attract the vibration” mean!?! I don’t know the physics of it, but to keep it simple and practical… I know from experience that when I focus on the good, I get more good and I feel happy and really good! When I focus on how much my life sucks, life seems to give me even more reasons why it sucks and I feel really, really bad.

Try it out for a week. Focus on only what you want more of and see what happens! My guess is that you will feel better! A bonus exercise is to notice how much you complain, blame, criticize and bitch!! We all do it but most of the time we aren’t consciously aware of how often we do it! It has become a habit for most of us! And, every time that we do not see the divine perfection of people, the world, we are creating more dis-harmony in our thoughts, our body and in the world!

So, instead of complaining, say, “Oh I can see what I don’t want (which is what I am complaining or criticizing about)… What is it that I do want?” And, when you find out what you do want, focus on that! Simple enough eh? :)

Example would be, “The traffic sucks I hate driving every single day for an hour on the freeway” to something like, “I am open and receptive to finding a job or creating a job that is close to my home, so I can spend more time with my wife and kids, and have a short commute!” :) Fun!

I made a note this morning and put it by my bed so I can read it soon as I wake up that says. “Today, no matter where I am going, no matter what I am doing, it is my dominant intent to look for what I a wanting to see! And, to feel GOOD! I look for evidence of wellbeing, success, happiness, love, abundance, joy, prosperity.”

I feel my vibration rising as I write!!! Yahooo. Cheers to attracting all of our desires! :)

Glimpse of my Goddess Day

Up at 4:30

Mind –

Meditated from 5:10-6:10

Master your mind audio – 11-12

I feel realy good today. Positive, happy and fulfilled. It is so much fun to look at all of the positive aspects of my life. There is always more good than not! I am loving the practice of looking to the good!!

Body

I feel amazing in my body today! And, it is so great to be experimenting with my diet. I have done a variety of diets from the typical bodybuilding diet, to 100% rawfood, to eating whatever I want diet :) And, now recently have been introduced to Ayurveda! All of them are fascinating and I have to say that the sexiest one for me right now is the rawfood plan. I love my juice, smoothies and salads. Yum to the E! :) But, I don’t want to be attached to a certain dogma. I want to continue to be open and receptive to what makes me feel the best when I eat it and after I eat it! :)

Diet –

6:00 detox drink and tea

7:30 paypaya and pineapple

9:45 Quinoa/Millet, ghee, honey, rice milk

12:00 dark chocolate

1:30 eggplant bharta, spinach, & potatoes

3:15 Grilled veggie, feta salad and yerba matte tea

4:30 2 dried figs

545Green juice

6:15 – Millet and Braggs

Workout – light 30 minute yoga practice

Massage 2:00 – 3:00

Spirit

Intention for the day/mantra – I feel good. My intention is to feel good! :)

It is so wonderful to feel into my higher self. To really feel it and know that I am here to enjoy, and live out my joy! And, that all of my desires are God talking to me. The one’s that I am not sure I can do, that is God whispering in my ear saying… “Yes! Yes! Yes! That is for you!” I am feeling really comfortable with who I am and knowing that it is my divine right to be who I am and allow God to flow through me! Can I get an Amen sista!?! :) AMEN!!!!!!

Fun/Creativity – I made Brian an appreciation note of all the things that I love about him :) Had half a day of silence which was really nice. It is fun to be in the same room with B and not talk! We write things down if we want to say something, but it is really a great time for both of us to get into our own space and creativity!

Circulation of Wealth/Service – I blogged today. Wrote today.

Paid Tini for massage. Paid Kafe and Bali Buddha for food. Paid Made and also Ibu. And, there is no doubt that they were grateful and excited about the money that they all received it is so great! A win/win we are happy and they are happy! :)

My favorite blissful moments of the day - The incredible thunderstorm this morning. Waking up at 4:30 naturally! :) Eating that yummy dark chocolate! Watching B taking a nap and giving him positive energy! Getting a yummy massage. Philosophers Forum at the Yoga Barn where B teaches every Tuesday it is pure bliss to see him living out his dharma and expressing his genius!

Appreciation for the good, great & beautiful – WOW! I appreciate the luscious rain. I appreciate the little doggies Ming and Susu they bring me so much joy and many smiles when I see them! I appreciate the yummy food we eat everyday. I appreciate our abundance that allows us to be living in Bali “working”! I appreciate my beautiful body and all that it does to keep me alive and well! I appreciate my breath!

Final thoughts of the day – I am living in Bliss! I have the most amazing live ever and it keeps getting better and better! I now go to bed and rest and rejuvenate this luscious body and mind!! Xo

“The mind and body are not separate units, but one integrated system. How we act and what we think, eat, and feel are all related to our health.” Bernie S. Seigel M.D. From the book Love, Medicine & Miracles.

I love this book and I think that Bernie is a phenomenal human being. This book was incredible and I highly recommend it for anyone who is interested in life! :)

Now, into the inspiration for today. We can often feel like our minds and our bodies are separate. That if something is going “wrong” with our bodies we feel like our body is the enemy! That it is us against our body and we need to fix, change, and fight it! And, we also can think that if our mind is agitated it doesn’t influence our bodies. But everything effects us like Bernie said, how we think, what we eat, and the emotions we are feeling are directly correlated to our health.

We are integrated and we are all unique! So, what works for one person might not work for another. This is the great experience of being alive, figuring out what works for us! I know that sometimes I can hope that someone will have an answer for me, or some “guru” will be able to show me the way. But, what I am realizing is that it is all up to me. I have the choice to be aware of my emotions, what I am thinking and eating and what I am doing on a daily basis. This awareness and conscious choice of how I want my life to be is the key to health.

When we are happy, we are going to be healthy. And, it is more than just saying, “yes I am happy.” You have to believe it. You have to really feel it and experience happiness and joy as your truth. When we do that, our cells rejoice, and celebrate in bliss. From this place of inner happiness we then are more inspired to workout, to eat healthier, to think happy thoughts and feel happy emotions!!

Everything makes a difference. One positive thought leads to another. It is living one moment at a time and being aware of how we are showing up and then saying “Yahoooo” if it is congruent with our desires and if it is not then we have the power to stop and say, do, think, eat something different! We always have a choice!

It is actually quite fun when you really take it on as an experiment and getting to know this fully integrated Thing called You! :)

A Glimpse of My Goddess Life

MIND – I feel really happy today. And, extremely blessed and grateful for how my life is unfolding. It feels good to feel happy in my mind. There is something to this whole happiness thing! ;)

Meditation 5:15-615

Universal Mind Meditation 45 minutes

BODY – I got about 6.5 hrs of sleep and I feel amazing. I love having the commitment of getting up at 5 am. There is no I am tired, I want to sleep in, turning off the alarm rolling over and getting another 1-2 hrs of sleep. I get up with enthusiasm and know that this is going to be an awesome day and that I am going to meet the beautiful sun! :) And, my body loves these cycles and rhythms of waking up early, moving my body every morning, and eating regularly. I feel like I am giving it the perfect environment to revitalize, renew and purify each one of my cells! :)

Diet –

6:45 Green Tea

8:15 Papaya and pineapple

9:30 Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with red rice (gluten/wheat free) bread. Omg I love pb & j!!

11:00 Detox drink

12:30 Salad (the first one I made here – we have been ordering in everyday!) and dark chocolate with a coconut water

4:00 papaya and pineapple

4:30 6 oz beet, celery, parsley, cucumber juice

5:30 sliced potato, and ginger cucumber soup

6:00 6 oz green juice

Workout – 1 hr of Goddess movement (this is a mix of all that I have learned, yoga, fitness, sfactor) :)

Massage 10 am to 11 am

SPIRIT

My intention/mantra for the day – PURIFY – My body and mind are purified!

I maintained my intention for most of the day! :) which is awesome! It is amazing the difference between feeling connected to God/Source and not! I have to say it feels so much better to be connected! It is amazing to feel the difference and then be able to choose to connect again.

FUN/CREATIVITY – Watched Ali G the movie – random, but funny :)

MY FAVORITE BLISSFUL MOMENTS – Cuddling with Brian this morning and waking up and meditating (had an awesome meditation), eating papaya twice today, yummy! :) And, the enjoying the bath I am about to get in… :)

APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, GREAT & BEAUTIFUL – I appreciate my life. It is truly stunning. I am grateful for all of the knowledge that I am receiving everyday. I appreciate all of the teachers that I am reading. I appreciate going to the bathroom (number 2 style :)) I appreciate my healthy body. I appreciate all of the books that we brought with us to Bali. I appreciate money!

FINAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY – My salt, milk, lavender, ylang lang bath is waiting for me, I am off to enjoy and then off to bed to have blissful dreams… :)

“While it is true that wrong conditions exist, they could not remain unless there were someone to experience them. Consequently, the experience must be in consciousness. Change the consciousness and the false condition with disappear.” Ernest Holmes

Powerful! Powerful! Powerful!

In order for any of our problems to actually exist in reality they need us to experience them. When we change our thoughts, perceptions we change our life for the good and we no longer experience the “wrong” conditions. For they can not exist unless there is a conscious person willing to have the experience!

So, if we can change our thoughts and then change our consciousness and experience bliss all the time. What the hell are we doing having these negative conditions in our life!?! :) Seriously, we have the ability to consciously choose our reality and our perception to life. The more that we acknowledge the bad, evil, or wrong the more we will experience those.

For example I have about 20 insect/spider bites today! :) Fun Fun! And when I looked in the mirror I was like..”ugh I hate bites, I am all red and bumpy, it is ugly, and I am pissed off.. I hate Bali..” :) So, there was my negative/wrong condition. In that moment it was real and I was fully feeling the frustration. So, I chose to have a shift in my consciousness and looked at my body with gratitude and appreciation saying.. ”Wow, look at the healing power of my body, it is amazing that my body responds with such brilliant Intelligence and knows how to heal me without me having to think about it, and let me count all the ways that I am blessed to be in Bali and let me list all the reasons why I love Bali.”:) So, this wrong condition actually is not even a wrong condition anymore. I am blessed to live in Bali and to be able to have the wonderful insects bite me, they must have needed some of my yummy, healthy blood. I am glad to share! :)

So, remember we always have the power to choose and to change our consciousness. The seemingly wrong conditions are only illusions and we are missing out on the million other things in life to be grateful for. Yahoooo to the power of choice! :)

Glimpse into My Goddess Life

MIND – It is so amazing this thing called our Mind. And, all of the billions of thoughts that we can have… I am becoming more and more aware of what thoughts are swirling around in my head! As Ernest Holmes says, “To learn how to think is to learn how to live.” That is what I feel like I am doing right now, learning how to think and learning how to live. To think good, right thoughts leads to a happy, right life!

Meditation 5:15-615

Universal Mind 1 hr

BODY – Truly amazed at this body of mine. The intelligence that does everything for me, digests my food, lets me know when it is time to go to the bathroom and hungry. It pumps my heart, grows my hair. Fascinating when you think of all that the Intelligence flowing through your body does. It feels so good to be in my body. I am happy in my body and grateful and I feel like I am getting more in tune with my body every day!!

Diet –

Green tea

7:45 green juice

8:30 Papaya and pineapple

9:30 quinoa and braggs and dark chocolate

11;45 aloe vera drink & Buckwheat pancakes with mulberry compote

2:00 Salad with tempe & tofu & piece of dark chocolate and 1 dried fig

5:15 Stir fry with tofu and quesedilla with detox drink

Workout – 30 minute walk and 20 minute of yoga/stretching

SPIRIT

My intention/mantra for the day – Money. I love money and money loves me. I am abundant!

I love my mantra for today. Money it is something that we can have some negative thoughts about, as with anything in our life. But I really, really love money. I love what I can do with money. I love who I can help with money. I love how many people’s hands touch one single rupiah (since we are in Bali ;) I love all the different ways that we can make money! It’s great so therefore I would love some more to be able to love even more of life! :)

I also love my body. It is so great to feel that I have not yet created my ideal body, but I know that I am creating it right now, today and everyday. And, that it is beautiful right now. AMAZING to feel into. As I know many of us women feel like when we are this weight, or this size, or get that done, or have a new haircut, a new, improved something then we can be beautiful. But what the hell is wrong with right now! I am sitting here in Bali with a cute little dress on, with no makeup and I feel beautiful and amazing. And I know that this is because I am learning to love all of me no matter what. And I choose to be happy with my body right now the way that it is. Living what is right in this moment and still be enthusiastic about the future body that I am creating! It is wonderful to be alive and to be a human being to experience these positive emotions!

FUN/CREATIVITY – Watched Blades of Glory – really funny movie! :)

MY FAVORITE BLISSFUL MOMENTS – taking a walk at sunrise with susu and B, eating my buckwheat pancakes(love love love them :)) Cleaning up the house – the energy is amazing when the space is clear! Um yeah and doing some sweet love “stuff” with B! ;)

APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, GREAT & BEAUTIFUL – I appreciate B and our amazing conversation this morning. I appreciate my positive mindset. I appreciate Charley’s house. I appreciate Science of Mind which has been such an inspiration and launching platform for my growth! I appreciate fresh clean water! I really appreciate our apple computer and my ipod and bose headphones (they rock)!

FINAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY – Amazing day!! I am loving getting up early and having full days but not being out very much. We are living in an incredible house and we have created a retreat here. I really feel like I am learning how to relax and let go!! And, this is the lifestyle that I am going to be creating when I am back in LA! :)

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside. The enemy of the “best” is often the “good.”” Stephan R. Covey from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I love this quote. Actually got it from PhilosophersNotes.com! Some super yummy, sexy Philosopher named Brian Johnson creates these amazing notes on the best self-development books. Check it out! :)

Do you know what your priorities are right now?

In my life right now mine are to:

*Truly master my mind and my body

*Develop an incredible, intimate & spiritual relationship

*Know my Higher Self on a very personal level and communicate with Her often!

*Create an amazing Goddess website

*Goddess Living Ph.d Program (the one that I have created and am currently enrolled in :))

With my priorities this means a lot of time reading/writing/learning/studying/meditating/praying/and hanging with the sexy Philosopher. It is quite a simple life! And, anything social is usually going to Church/yoga/gym or something that inspires, transforms, uplifts and helps me to further align with my priorities.

So, there are a lot of No’s! I love people and I love to spend time with my intimate friends. But to be honest I am not very good at small talk. Don’t care about the weather, the Lakers, the celebrities or the news. Just not where I find my inspiration. My time is valuable and I choose to do it with the things that I want to do. I can at times feel myself feeling guilty like I should be more normal, and just “hang out” with my friends and family more, or be more social, be in the world more. But, right now it just isn’t my top priority and that is awesome to know and then to live my life with integrity around what is most important!

And, I know that priorities change. It is all part of my process of self-discovery. But, I notice the more that I don’t stay connected to what my priorities are and say, ‘yes’, when I really mean ‘no’…I get further and further away from what my intentions and goals are and I feel drained, resentful and frustrated!

I know I have a burning Yes inside of me and I am learning to have the courage to say No to the good, and know that I am saying YES to the great, marvelous, and extraordinary when I do what I am inspired to do and stay aligned with my top priorities!

Here’s another quote from the PhilosophersNotes.com…“A ‘No’ uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Mahatma Gandhi

Wow! I am committed to living my highest priorities and saying YES to my Bliss and No to all other things! How about you? Do you know what your highest priorities are? And, are you living them every day? :)

A glimpse into my Goddess Life

MIND –

I am so blessed to be studying so much! I am reading about a book every 2-3 days and it is incredible. I feel like I am a totally different human being than I was 2 months ago. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I am healing my mind and transforming my consciousness!! And, it is so great I am seeing where I need more and more work, which excites me rather than frustrates me! Amazing to be thrilled and know that it will be transformed and that I everyday I am becoming more of who I am and uncovering layers that are not truly me! :)

Meditation 5:30 -6:30

BODY – I felt a bit stiff today when I woke up! It is about 9 am and I feel much better. Just going to have it be a low key day today!

It is 5 pm and I have had an amazing day in my body. I feel extremely grateful for all of my billions of incredible cells! :)

Diet –

6:45 Detox drink

7:30 pineapple & coconut water and meat

9:15 beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

10:00 cacao, rice milk, blueberries, smoothie

12:15 piece of dark chocolate

12:30 coconut water, potato wedges and tofu salad rolls

4:30 ¼ of Indian plate with a piece (or maybe 2 ;) of dark chocolate

6:15 Garden salad with Pb&J with red rice bread & a detox drink

Workout – 40 minute light yoga/stretch

Massage – 30 min foot massage

3 pm – 1 hr

SPIRIT

My intention/mantra for the day – Peace. I am peaceful and relaxed! Ahhhh!

FUN/CREATIVITY – I bought some supplies for my creative positive aspect/prayer journal! :)

MY FAVORITE BLISSFUL MOMENTS – Meditation, eating that dark chocolate, getting an incredible massage, looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful this morning :), talking with my mom in instant messenger (love you mama), and taking a bath with my man!

APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, GREAT & BEAUTIFUL – I appreciate my mind. I appreciate my senses. I appreciate and love fresh veggie juices. :) I appreciate the people in my life. I appreciate my beautiful Mom. I appreciate all that my Dad has done for me. I appreciate Nature. I appreciate the purifying, transforming, revealing process I am in right now! I appreciate rhythms and cycles.

FINAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY – Life is amazing. I am thrilled about my daily practices and my consistency around the fundamentals!! :) Living the simple blissful life!

“When we expand our thinking and our beliefs, our love flows freely. When we contract, we shut ourselves off.” Louise L. Hay from The Power is Within You

I am currently living in Bali and this is what I feel like I am doing, expanding my thinking and beliefs. My fiancé and I brought about 50 books with us and bought another 15! :) We are committed to opening our minds and growing!!

I know when I am not being open, not living from that Higher Self. I don’t feel free to choose, I feel trapped and constricted. It is so beautiful to actually feel myself shutting off. II go inside to hide, to protect, to contract. And, it doesn’t feel very good.

I have this thing with conflict and being too nice and wanting to please people. And, then I often times don’t please people and then feel guilty because I didn’t do it good enough, when really my Higher Self isn’t interested in pleasing other people. It is interested in me being fully expressed, fully alive and fully me.

And, for me this looks like expanding to a place where I am willing to piss people off! That isn’t of course my intention but the reality is everyone isn’t going to like me, agree with me, or think I am a cool chick! And, to be ok with that, and still move forward on my journey with full expression, passion, and fire is when I feel the love flowing from me freely. I feel alive. There is no constriction. It is a place of God, Truth and Beauty! :)

What about you do you notice a time when you feel alive and expanding and experiencing the love flowing freely? And what about times when you feel stressed, contracted and restricted? We all can be more mindful of our thoughts and emotions and choose love over fear in any moment. My intention is to choose love and growth! :) 

A Glimpse of My Goddess Life

MIND – The fitness show has been on my mind… ! And, although I am training for a fitness show and there are certain standards, like the hottest body ever :), I feel really great about my process… I will not deny that I do yes want to create My hottest body and most radiant self. I am not that interested in what the judges/other people think though. It is more for me and my own process! It is actually funny even to think that it is essentially a beauty contest. Who is the fittest and most beautiful? And, whoever is according to the judges wins! :) Funny. The reason that I am doing it is because I love to have training goals, I am fascinated by my body and what is possible in it, and it is also an edge for me to fully own my sexy, hot, beautiful body! :) I want to keep reminding myself of the reasons I am doing it. It isn’t to be a fitness competitor per se.. It is more to own my goddess, to rock it, to embody confidence, strength and beauty!! It is for my own inner game mastery! :)

Meditation 5:15-615

10 minutes of listening to my recording of affirmations

BODY – I woke up this morning happy to be alive. What an amazing feeling to feel my body and to be conscious of getting out of the bed and putting my incredible feet on the floor and saying, “thank you”. There is so much for me to enjoy about my body. And, although I am not at my ideal weight, or ideal size, or ideal this that or the other. It is still so much fun to enjoy it now.

I really enjoy my body when I am consciously moving it, that is why Yoga is so amazing for me. And, I feel really powerful and intense and passionate when I am running/sprinting or doing some sort of intense workout. I love the yin & yang of my body practice!! I have been eating more cheese than I have in like 4 years and back in the day I didn’t have anything sweet around the house otherwise I might be tempted to eat the whole box/bag/jar. :) So, I am loving this moderation thing of having chocolate almost everyday. I get just as excited about green juice as I do about chocolate. It is a beautiful thing! :)

Diet –

6:30 detox drink

8:30 beet, carrot, ginger, celery juice & papaya and pineapple

10:15 herbed potatoes with a ½ mushroom & spinach omelet

11:15 dark chocolate

1:00 Side Salad with vinagrette dressing & coconut water

2:15 Quinoa with braggs

4:15 dark chocolate with papaya

5:30 Detox drink, miso soup and

Workout – 80 minutes of Yoga (Shiva Rea audio)

Massage – 3 pm – 1 hr (If you have noticed I love love massages :) )

SPIRIT

My intention/mantra for the day – Perfection. I am perfect. I only see perfection.

I am trusting myself and my path more and more everyday. It is quite amazing. I am seeing how everything is God, Spirit, Intelligence and the only thing that separates us from God, and each other is our beliefs. It is a beautiful process of unfolding and uncovering what is not truth! Seeing that everything is and can be sacred! That I can talk about God and Sex in the same sentence and touch the Divine in both! :)

FUN/CREATIVITY – Started some of my positive aspects journal :) I also would really like to get more into “my look”. I have always been interested in looking good, but would always buy an Oprah or Fitness magazine over a fashion magazine. It might be a fun project and a way to express more creativity in what I wear and how I show up in the world! :)

MY FAVORITE BLISSFUL MOMENTS – Shivansana meditation outside in the jungle, reading Paulo Coelho, typing this blog past (I really enjoy my daily process), laughing with Brian, watching Because I said So. It was cute, I hart movies! :)

APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, GREAT & BEAUTIFUL – I appreciate this computer, I appreciate my blog, I am grateful for my life, I appreciate all of me, I appreciate good clean water, I appreciate my favorite fruit, papaya, well for right now anyways! :) I appreciate a clean & organized house, I appreciate My path to live My life!!

FINAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY – Good Night!

To quote Robin Sharma from his book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari…

“Laughing is medicine for the soul. Even if you don’t feel like it, look in the mirror and laugh for a couple of minutes. You can’t help but feel fantastic.” :)

Do you know how many times an average four-year old laughs in a day? According to Robin Sharma, 300 times! :) :) :) And do you know how many times an average adult laughs? 15 times a day. Incredible! I think we might be missing something on this whole adult thing! ;) And, it is called FUN! :)

“The sages would actually make themselves laugh whether they felt like it or not, just to get the ‘happiness juices’ flowing early in the morning.”

Do you know how many times you laugh in a day!?! I counted 25 times I laughed out loud today! :) I have a ways to go to get to 300! :)

My vote is we lighten up and laugh a whole hell of a lot more! :) Get your happiness juices flowing with big smiles and lots of deep, belly laughs! :) :) :)

Glimpse into My Goddess Life

MIND – Awesome all day today and then early evening I get a bit funky. Either it was the energy of being in the city of Ubud, the bean chilli, the somasa?? :) I feel like I do get a bit stressed being in the city a lot. I enjoy small doses but too much seems to intensify my active mind and I lose my center! Something to be mindful of! :)

I

Meditation 5:00 – 6:00

Universal Mind – 60 minutes (two times today)

BODY – It is amazing to me that I am getting up at 4:30 am without an alarm clock! :) Love Love Love it and I am on a walk by like 6:30 am meeting the sun. Living in bliss for sure!! I have been waking up a bit stiff and tired but excited to wake up and meditate and I think it is just the adjusting phase of reprogramming my mind and body to waking up that early.

I am excited to see the transformation of my body in the next couple of months!! It is so great 3 weeks of recording and I am now starting to get in touch with my body and realize I can eat way more food than I actually need – and as I do it I start slimming down. My body is incredible in it’s intelligence to balance! I actually love to eat most of my food between 10-4 pm. That feels the best for me and eat light before or after those times.

Diet –

6:15 detox drink

7:00 beet, carrot, ginger, celery juice

8:00 bowl of pineapple and papaya

9:15 4 potato wedges

11:30 Quinoa with braggs and a side salad with 1 ½ pieces of dark chocolate

Coconut Water

12:30 Rosewater Lassie

2:30 Vegetarian Chili with sour cream and a somasa with an aloe vera drink

4:15 yummy dark chocolate

6:00 Green Juice and papaya and pineapple

Workout – 30 minute walk & 30 minutes of yoga/stretching (love this daily routine)

Massage – 90 minute head, neck, shoulder, hands and feet.

SPIRIT

My intention/mantra for the day – Beauty. I am beautiful. My life is beautiful. I only see beauty!

I picked this affirmation because this morning I wasn’t seeing beauty when I looked in the mirror and I could feel my emotions following my thoughts. So, I shifted to beauty and then thought of all the ways that I am beautiful and what I can do today to feel more beautiful and the top of the list was…. Appreciate my life, Drink a green juice, eat lighter, rest and relax, meditate more, pray, and do a face mask! :) So, that is what my spirit is calling to me today! :) I am going to follow through. I have already done 2 hrs of meditation and it is 12 pm! How amazing is that? I love it! And, B and I have been silent which is always nice. I really love not talking! There is something very connecting, spiritual and beautiful that I really would love to continue to do more and more.

FUN/CREATIVITY – I did some creative exercises from the book Creative Visualization on my ideal life… And, we went and bought a bunch of stunning beautiful stone statues of Buddha, Shiva, Ganesh! :)

MY FAVORITE BLISSFUL MOMENTS – waking up knowing that I would be silent till 12:00. Meditating and having 30 minutes seem like 2 minutes, morning walk with the doggies, susu & ming (it is so much fun to go walking with dogs),

APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, GREAT & BEAUTIFUL – I appreciate massages and I appreciate Tini, our massage therapist in Bali. I appreciate Amazon (where we order all of our books), I appreciate our comfortable bed, I appreciate bug spray, I appreciate my journal!

FINAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY – I am committed to going to bed early and finishing my book and having blessed thoughts and affirm my daily affirmation, I am beauty, before falling asleep. And, waking up tomorrow energized, vibrant and peaceful. :)

“A thorn, however tiny, can cause the traveler to halt. A tiny, invisible cell can destroy a healthy organism. The memory of a past moment of fear allows cowardice to be reborn with each new morning. A fraction of a second opens the way for the enemy’s fatal blow.” Paulo Coelho from the Warrior of the Light

Coelho is brilliant! I recommend you read any and all of his goodness!!

The small stuff matters and every moment counts!!! Imagine it; one cell can destroy a whole organism. One negative thought can ruin a moment, day, a lifetime.

I am a creative person and I have always been great with the big vision. And, until recently the small daily stuff hasn’t been that important. I never had time or the discipline to meditate. It always sounded like a good idea, and all of the teachers were saying to do it.

But, I just couldn’t waste my time, I had too much to worry about. :) Ironic, because the more I meditate the less there is to worry about. When I meditate and connect to Source and purify my mind every single day my life works! And, I do it every day so everyday rocks! :) This has been one of the best choices I have ever made!

I am finding so much joy in the details and the little things these days. And, knowing that when I transform just one fearful thought, it has been a worthwhile day! To realize that everything in my life matters and how I do anything is how I do everything. And, that one small step at a time, my vision will be fulfilled. As they say, “Rome wasn’t built overnight.” ;)

We need to continually take inventory of our lives and see what little thorns we have in our lives and be mindful because they may cause us to halt in the future. When we find the thorns, take immediate action and transform them. This is the key to transforming our lives and to live out our greatness!

Mind – Had a chat with Brian this morning about me not feeling amazing yesterday and not feeling beautiful. His thoughts were that I recently watched a movie with a bunch of beautiful women and also bought Yoga Journal and Oprah magazines which neither one of them have millions of positive images, and ideas of how as a woman you are suppose to look and be like. I am not 100% on it but I think that there is a correlation between looking at magazines and then comparing ourselves to them! And, I do not want to be the victim of such images and ideas. But, I do have the choice to consciously look at them or not! And, I do have the ability to shift my attention to all of the amazing things that these magazines offer people/women!?!

5:30-6:30 Meditation

Body – Woke up at 4:45 today. And, I love drinking juice in the morning. It feels so good to me! Fresh veggie juice, yummy! :) I had a bit of a tight neck this morning and it is going away as I write and I know that after my blissful massage it will be gone!!

I had a slight headache all day today!

Diet

6:30 Detox drink and jasmine green tea

7:45 Beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

8:30 Pineapple and papaya with green tea

9:45 Smoothie (blueberries, rice milk, cacao & honey & some dark chocolate

12:00 4 slices of potato, big salad with feta cheese & tahini dressing

3:30 pumpkin soup

5:00 5 chips and guacamole with 3 small pieces of tofu

5:30 peanut butter and jelly on rice bread with a detox drink

Workout – Goddess Movement (jump rope, walking, lunges, upper body)

Massage – 60 minutes full body

Spirit – I feel like my Spirit/Heart is very childlike. That she loves to ask questions and be curious and enjoy and laugh and often time my intellect can get in the way of this beautiful joyous part of me that I call my Spirit or Heart. And, I am grateful for my intellect and my incredible mind but it can get really, really serious sometimes and think that I have to have all of the answers to everything and I have to be really smart, and perfect. Whereas my heart just wants to love, enjoy, laugh, and take inspired action where it is called!!

My intention/mantra for the day – Truth. I am truth. I seek to see the truth in all of my affairs.

Fun/Creativity – Watched Meet Dave, movies seem to be a lot of my fun and creativity these days need to spice it up a bit more maybe!?!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – making sweet love, eating my pb & j sandwich, reading The Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho, watching the dogs eat this morning.

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful –I appreciate orgasms :), massage table, Paulo Coelho, my lover, The Sun, Bali Buddha & Kafe, Ibu for cleaning the house and LIFE! :)

Final thoughts of the day – I don’t feel so well I am going to bed early tonight!

“Every cell within your body responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak.” Louise Hay from You can Heal your Life

This is perfect wisdom for my day today! I am committed to living this quote!

Every cell within your body responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak.

Remember to think and speak empowered words… our bodies are listening! :)

Mind – I woke up a bit stressed today and my body was hurting a bit and just didn’t feel like Miss positive. I had to consciously choose happiness today it wasn’t spilling over from the inside out today! As, I know that this is all part of the journey. Thus, today’s words are purify and health. Purifying my mind and body and absolute health and vitality. :)

Meditation

Holosync - 5:45 -6:45

Yoga Nidra -30 minutes

Universal Mind – 60 minutes

Body – I woke up with a headache at like 12:30 this morning and the dog barking right outside of our window. I am not one to take any sort of drug but it was so painful I took two Tylenol. And, still this morning when I woke up I just felt blah and tension in my head and neck.

Diet –

7:00 Maca and rice milk & jasmine green tea

9:30 breakfast potatoes & grilled veggie omlete

12:15 coconut water, mango, banana smoothie and small bowl of fruit

4:00 ¼ plate of Indian Plate (spinach, eggplant bharta, potato, dhal, brown rice), side of tempah & tofu, and dark chocolate

6:00 small bowl of red rice

Workout – 30 minutes of light yoga stretches

Spirit – I had moments today of feeling totally connected to my Heart and others I just wasn’t there! All a process. Breathe and Know!!

My intention/mantra for the day – Purify & Health. My body and mind are being purified. I am health. I am happy in my healthy body.

My Favorite Blissful Moments – The sunrise was amazing while I was in meditation, getting a massage oooh yea, enjoying 2 meditation (naps), Philosophers Forum at the Yoga Barn (taught by my fiancé)!

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate Bali. I appreciate and honor myself. I appreciate self-discovery. I appreciate this computer. I am grateful to live the life that I am. I am blessed to have a body/mind/emotions that let me know when I am off. :)

Final thoughts of the day – Off to bed for an incredible night sleep!! Ahhh! :)

“One day, for not apparent reason, the Warrior realizes that he does not feel the same enthusiasm for the fight that he used to. He continues to do what he has always done, but every gesture seems meaningless. At such a time, he has only one choice: to continue fighting the Good Fight. He says his prayers out of duty or fear or whatever, but he does not abandon his path. He knows that the angel of the One who inspires him has simple wandered off somewhere. The Warrior keeps his attention focused on the battle and he perseveres, even when everything seems utterly pointless. The angel will soon return and the merest flutter of his wings will restore the Warrior’s joy to him.” From Paulo Coelho’s Warrior of the Light

This quote actually came into my mind several times yesterday and then today! I have not been feeling well and have felt that the angel of the One who inspires me had gone off on a rendezvous somewhere else. :)

So, this morning I reminded myself that the Angel of Inspiration and Enthusiasm would be by my side soon. And, not to give into doubt or worry and to keep fighting the Good Fight! Do the simple daily things like meditate, stay positive, and know that all is well!

It is so great because as they day has progressed the Angel has returned and I have felt re-energized, rejuvenated and excited!! Incredible what confidence and knowing can do for ya eh? :)

It truly makes a difference to be committed to something bigger than yourself and to know that it is about the journey not the destination and that everything does count and inspiration comes and goes but faith and consistency is the key!

Thank you Paulo for your incredible words of wisdom! :)

Mind

Meditation

Holosync 5:15 am - 6:15 am

Yoga Nidra 8:30 am – 9:00 am

Listened to the Queen course teleclass

Body – It is 3:45 and I feel so much better!! Yea! Yea! Yea! It is amazing how not feeling that well, having a headache can encourage negative thinking!! It is important for me to keep my cells happy, they impact the health of my mind! And, taking a really great poo always helps. ;) Maybe too much information but keeping it regular is one of the most important aspects to the health of our bodies! :)

I can be so funny about training… I have been training everyday for the last 3 weeks and it is awesome and I feel incredible doing it everyday. It is also time to turn it up as I want to start training intense for November, December & January. And, then fine tune Feb and March and then compete the end of March! It is an amazing plan as I have never had this long to train!! So, in the next week I will start to train 2 times a day in the early morning and early afternoon. I know I will feel even better, always do when I move more!! :)

Diet

7:00 Jasmine Tea

8:00 Green Juice

9:45 Salad with Quinoa & honey

12:00 Dark chocolate

1:30 Aloe vera drink & ½ potato

3:15 Buckwheat pancakes and berry compote

5:45 ¼ Indian plate & Vietnamese Spring rolls with a detox drink

Workout - 30 minute walk and 30 minutes yoga

Massage – 60 minutes full body

Epsom salt, ylang lang bath ahhhh

Spirit

My intention/mantra for the day – Desire. All of my desires are coming true. I love having burning, passionate desires!

Ahh my beautiful heart. She is a powerful one. Often more powerful that I give her credit or allow her to fully express! Every day I am feeling more and more powerful in my Spirit and my connection to God. Visions of being a Minister dance in my head!! I really appreciate my daily meditation I feel I can hear Her talking to me more and more! She is a fiery, intense, loving and passionate Goddess!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Seeing a little girl dancing on the street, she was so adorable and free. It made me smile! :) Taking a walk at sunrise today, seeing Ibu (our housecleaner downtown on her way to temple and telling her she looked Chantique which means beautiful in Balinese. Her face lit up! :) Seeing Brian’s desires coming true! Watching the sunset, stunning!

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate our cell phone. I appreciate Made our driver. I appreciate my creative dreams, I am grateful for my number 2’s :), I am grateful for all of my friends, I appreciate my momma (who is sending a package to Bali for us, thanks mama!), I appreciate all of my cells!

Final thoughts of the day – I feel good!! :)

When you behave from the vantage point of trying to please another rather than from the point of personal alignment, you set yourself up for a great amount of trouble, for it is not possible to hold someone else’s desires as the center of your attention, because as a creator, you simply are not wired that way.

Daily Yummy Say YES to pleasing yourself

Today’s bliss thought is from The Astonishing Power of Emotions. “When you behave from the vantage point of trying to please another rather than from the point of personal alignment, you set yourself up for a great amount of trouble, for it is not possible to hold someone else’s desires as the center of your attention, because as a creator, you simply are not wired that way.”

And, what they are talking about in personal alignment is feeling good… Feeling emotions such as love, appreciation, joy, freedom, and. Knowledge. And, when we do not feel good we are not in alignment. We feel fear, doubt, worry, anger, helplessness, powerless, irritation, annoyance…. And, if we are ever feeling these things then we need to get back in the flow and change our thoughts!

So, back to the quote… Ahhh. I don’t know about you but I can be a people pleaser at times and I never feel fulfilled. I feel a bit off balanced and then I feel stressed and it just doesn’t feel good. I am seeing how, unconsciously I do it all the time… in my intimate relationship, with friends & family, even strangers. I do things that I don’t want to do. But I know that they would really love to go to that restaurant or movie. Compromise is a place that I have lived from in my relationships.

And, I am not saying that there should never be any compromise. Because there are times that I am not that thrilled about something and it gives the other person so much pleasure for me to do it with them that I then feel good and I am feeling positive emotions. But, then there are other times I am not, and I just don’t want to go, and sometimes I will just go and then feel resentful and unhappy but try to pretend like I am happy and everything is just dandy. When in reality I would have loved to just be taking a bath! :)

So, this is something new for me and I am going to really be aware of my emotions when I am doing things. Also, becoming more aware of my thought, because if I change my thoughts I can change my emotions! :) The great thing is has NOTHING to do with the other person. It is all about me. They are not responsible for my emotional gauge, I AM!! And I am not being who I am meant to be when I am ignoring it and feeling bad!

Let’s feel good and start listening to our emotions and paying attention to what it is that we want and not what will please someone else! :)

Mind – Great meditation this morning and positive thoughts first thing this morning. I have been even having dreams about transformation and positive affirmations. :)

Meditation

5:30-6:30 Holosync

Destiny Meditation – 30 minutes

Body – Had an amazing night’s sleep and woke up today feeling truly wonderful! :)

Diet –

6:30 detox drink

8:00 16 ox of Veggie juice

8:30 Bowl of Pineapple

11:30 Potatoes and Omelet with ketchup

1:45 other half of potato

5:30 Rice and grilled veggies with tofu (more of serving that I needed)

Didn’t eat that much today but still felt good! My system felt a little slow today so I am just honoring it!

Workout – 60 minutes walk and strength train

Massage – 60 minutes full body

Spirit – I am learning how to trust my Higher Self every moment, every day! :)

My intention/mantra for the day – Strength. I am strong. My body is strong. I call forth strength into my life.

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Walking the dogs at sunrise. It is so fun we start off with 2 and pick up stray dogs along the way. Today we had 4 dogs walking with us…they are so playful with each other – it is a lot of fun to watch :), feeling the sun on my face, a moment of bliss just being in my body.

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate the book I am reading right now The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther and Jerry Hicks, I appreciate what I do want, I appreciate my Emotional Guidance system to let me know when I am not aligned with God, Source, whatever you decide to call Her! :) I appreciate Brian. I appreciate myself. I honor myself. I appreciate being appreciated and respected! I appreciate my growing power and confidence!

Final thoughts of the day – Watched the movie Click with Adam Sandler and it was GREAT! I can get so emotional watching movies in a good way. Basically he got a Universal Remote to his life and he could rewind and pass forward all of the “struggles” and things he didn’t enjoy doing. And, he basically flew through his life and couldn’t go back, he had been on autopilot and missed his life. It is a perfect metaphor for our lives. I don’t want to miss any part of my life. It is all perfect and great and everything is MY LIFE and is beautiful, even the struggles and the pain is all part of it! :)

“An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing. Defending our right to such time takes courage, conviction, and resiliency. Such time, space and quite will strike our family and friends as a withdrawal from them. IT IS! For an artist, withdrawal is necessary. Without it, the artist in us feels vexed, angry out of sorts. If such deprivation continues, our artist becomes sullen, depressed, hostile.” Julia Cameron

You may have read that and thought that is nice, but I am not an artist. And, I have thought that many times, oh I am not an artist, that is for those really eccentric, creative geniuses!! Right!! Well, guess what you are a creative genius and so am I.

Say it to yourself, “I am an artist! I am an artist!” :) And, listen for the inner critic to say, Oh no your not, have you seen how you draw! :) Fun Fun!

Well the truth of it is that you are the artist of your life. Maybe you can’t paint, or sing, or dance, or sculpt or write poetry, or do whatever you think an artist does…who cares. You can bring your artistry into your life, into every aspect of your life. So, that when you look at your life you feel great. You feel like it is your masterpiece. It is my personal opinion but I think that greatest masterpiece we could ever create is our LIFE!

So, now that we have established we are all artists! We now need to take a look at this quote. Downtime, solitude…How much of that do you give yourself? I love time to myself. I am never bored with myself. I am a very creative person and I can always come up with something creative to do with my time. And often times I feel like withdrawing from the world. And, my inner critic comes in and says…”stop being so selfish, you need to be in the world, you are running away…” And, what I have to say is “ YES I am being selfish for great reasons, the more I take care of me that more I can give, and yes, I do need to be in the world and damn right I am running away to my safe haven called my deeper and higher SELF.” You go girl! :)

So, remember to take time out for your artist. Give her or him the time to relax, unwind, be alone, and do nothing! And, when you start to feel yourself getting irritated and our of sorts. Ask yourself if you need some good ole withdrawal time. And, if the answer is YES, CREATE IT NOW! :)

Mind – Transformation is on my Mind. I was reading Science of Mind this morning and it is all about changing your thoughts, change your life. I believe this. I can feel it when I change my thoughts, I can feel my life shifting. My interest is in how we can create a happy, optimistic, peaceful mind everyday of our lives!?! Is it possible? I know that it is, I have read about people who are like this and the author of Science of Mind clearly lived this way! What does it take to fully transform our consciousness so that we live from a happy place no matter what!?!

I feel like I am genuinely a happy person. And, I have to say being here in Bali, only reading and writing, meditating and being with my thoughts more than I would be if I was being stimulated all the time with tv/internet/social stuff, I can see that there is some work to be done in this beautiful mind to make it even more beautiful and healthy! :)

Meditation

Holosync 4:45-5:45

Destiny 9:00-9:30

Body – I feel like I am getting close to my period. I think probably in a week although it seems like she is just around the corner. There are clearly different hormones that are flowing through my body right before. I am just not as chipper! :) I tend to feel heavy in my body and also in my mind. It is wonderful to be aware of it and not allow it to run the show!!

Diet

6:00 Detox drink and Jasmine tea

8:00 Bowl of Papaya

9:30 Grilled Veggie Salad

11:00 Coconut water & Dark chocolate

2:00 Buckwheat pancakes and compote

5:00 16 oz green juice

Workout – 70 minutes of Yoga am workout/ afternoon workout : Dancing 20 minutes!

Massage - 60 minute feet, back, neck, head

Spirit

My intention/mantra for the day – ALLOW! I allow life to flow through me! I allow and go with my flow.

As Serendipity would have it I was thinking about my creative expression and what the best way for me to authentically express it! :) And, I was called to the bookshelves and The Artist’s Way caught my eye. How perfect. I did the whole 12 week course a couple of years ago, you can never have enough creativity in your life…always room for more! :) Thank you Spirit for guiding me!

Fun/Creativity – This part got lost the last few days!?! :) I think unconsciously I wasn’t having fun or being creative. I actually feel like I have a story about what this has to look like… It needs to be a big deal. But, it can be something simple like I wrote this blog post today yea for creativity. I did something new and different, I ate with my left hand, I showered with cold water, I had sex in a new way, I found a new way to love myself.. Whatever.. It is all about new, different, fun and creative! Allow me to flow through my day. I am pretty creative and fun when I just let me flow! :)

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Naturally waking up at 4:30, eating my dark chocolate, getting a massage, writing my dreams in my journal.

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate massages, I appreciate time to myself, I appreciate time with Brian, I appreciate my morning meditation practice,

Final thoughts of the day – 8 pm My heart fucking hurts!! It feels heavy and sad!! I am feeling the pain of ending an engagement this afternoon! What started out as an incredible day has turned into an amazing powerful and transformative heavy day! WOW! Ouch! What? I feel fuzzy in my head and in my heart! I hurt! I feel happy! I cried a lot today! And it brings tears to my eyes to think of my daily appreciation of Brian. I do appreciate him, deep, deep appreciation. I am no longer engaged and looking at ways to recreate my life…WOW!

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

Love Fully!

Love yourself and love whoever is in your life!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Mind – My mind was very active all night thinking of what’s next. OMG I am not engaged anymore! I am working on staying balanced, optimistic, happy. I woke up at one point and heard him breathing and I thought what is going on, I feel like I am in a dream, is this really happening!?!

I had to affirm all day! I am strong I can do this!!

Meditation

Deep Meditation 2:30 am

Yoga Nidra 3:30

Destiny 4:00 am

Holosync 4:30-5:30

Yoga Nidra 4:00

Body – I feel pretty good in my body considering I got like 3 hours of sleep and it wasn’t even that great of sleep. I felt my heart pounding all over throughout my body and in my head. I am not sure if it was pumping extra hard or I was just really aware of all of my sensations as my emotions were on a rollercoaster! I feel a bit shaky today and not very hungry!

Diet

5:45 Beet, Celery, Cucumber, Parsley Juice 8 oz

9:30 half a bowl of papaya

12:30 green juice & coconut water

4:00 papaya

Workout – 2 hour workout with B to organize the logistics of our life! Power walk! :)

Massage - 30 minute foot massage

Spirit

My intention/mantra for the day – Strength. God please give me the strength to be happy and joyous and loving through this next evolution of me!

My heart is breaking and opening at the same time! I feel an opening and I feel the letting go of dreams, ideals for our lives together. I will stay open I will stay connected. I will not close down I will love stronger and harder I will open up even more. I have so much more of me to give!! I ask for strength today show and teach me!

The great thing about feeling pain is I find myself praying to God to show me the way. I can’t see please guide me to my highest path!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Hugging Brian this morning, feeling the sun on my face, watching Brian and giving him love, locking up the house – I really love routines! :), looking in the mirror and truly feeling love for me, I loved to feel Brian’s skin next to mine – that is one of the things I love the most is touching him and being touched by him! Reading an awesome email from Beth, my beautiful Goddess friend, it gave me hope and inspiration!

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate my heart, my intuition, I appreciate my love for Brian – it doesn’t dissipate just because we are not together. I love even more deeply!! I appreciate that I am trusting in our process. I appreciate how far I have come in relationship as a woman and a lover. I appreciate my desire to be in partnership and continue to having a love fest with myself (always room for more love. ;)

Final thoughts of the day – I feel like I am loving Brian more fully and deeply than ever before! I really, really appreciate and love him and I know this is a great thing for both of us! I have no idea what lies ahead of me, but I feel greatness and lots of fun, joy, and happiness! :) I am a bit nervous but that I just keep affirming happiness!

When you feel sadness choose love and appreciation. For example I just ended an engagement and when I feel like I am going to miss him, and the tears start running down my face, I pivot and really appreciate the things that I have the pleasure of enjoying and love him and love me! :)

When you feel fear choose excitement and enthusiasm and faith. For example, Brian and I have been inseparable literally we have spent almost every moment together and provided the financial resources for us, I have felt fear around moving forward alone without my best friend and fearful about my financial security.

I choose to be excited about the adventure and I am enthusiastic and move forward with faith!

I also have some fear around going to an island by myself. I have traveled a fair amount around the world, Thailand, Peru, London, Paris, Barcelona, India, Cambodia and have done some cruises of the Caribbean! And have been to most of the states and driven across the states like 5 times! :) But traveling alone internationally I have never done. And, I am going to be leaving Ubud, Bali in about 10 days and going to go to an island and do this whole traveling thing by myself! I can feel the fear creep up and I consciously choose to know that I am going to be fine. That all is well, and that it is going to be a grand adventure. And, an incredibly beautiful experience to be alone, on a tropical island with some of the most incredible books ever and my journal!1 WOW! That is something to get enthusiastic about!!

I am committed to being empowered and kicking fear in the butt:)

Mind – I started the day off feeling sad lots of sadness welling up inside of me! And, then as I shifted my perception and my thoughts and focused on what I am excited about the sadness seemed to dissipate! It is all part of the process and I reminding myself to release the need to hold onto sadness, fear, doubt, regret, and worry. I don’t need those anymore in my life! :) And, that even in this challenging time of breaking off an engagement both Brian and I are finding it to be refreshing and vitalizing and are committed to being happy and positive as we transition! :)

Meditation

Holosync 4:40-5:40

Destiny 30 minutes

Universal Mind – 30 minutes before bed

Body – I felt good today! I got an awesome night’s sleep! And, felt really great in my body! I just wasn’t hungry today. It is funny, in the past I used to have to force myself to go on a cleanse! ;) And the last couple of days have just been a natural, unintentional cleanse. Just haven’t been hungry and I am committed to listening to my body and letting me know what it needs. Powerful!

Diet

6:00 Jasmine Green Tea

8:15 Bowl of Papaya

11:00 Green Juice & Coconut water

2:00 Coconut water

4:00 1 snake fruit

5:30 Detox drink and blood cleansing juice

Workout – 1 hr walk and 30 minutes of Yoga

Massage – self massage of 10 minutes head, face, neck and feet

Spirit

My intention/mantra for the day – Love and Appreciation. I am committed to being LOVE and Appreciating everything in my life!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Stunning conversation with Brian. Probably one of the best “break up” conversations ever! :), Writing out my future vision – feeling the power and energy of it! Seeing my ability and having so many moments of feeling I can do anything! Anything!! :) Go breakups!

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate Brian BIG BIG TIME! I appreciate his brilliance, creativity, genius, power and deep love. I appreciate my creativity, my genius, my deep love, and my brilliance! I appreciate having the best friend ever! I appreciate my dreams. I appreciate my life and how profound it is! Thank you thank you thank you!

Final thoughts of the day – What a day.. I am exhausted and feel good! :)

“Don't think you are, know you are.” To, quote Morpheus from the movie Matrix.

I have always loved this quote. Thought it was really profound, but I didn’t really “get” or live it! I think that it is important to think that you are whatever it is that you desire or want to be. There is also a deeper level of knowing that is something that I have only begun to touch in my daily life.

To really “KNOW”. This is what I meditate on in the mornings now…what do I know? It is such a beautiful way to experience the world to know that you are connected to God, to know that you are abundant, to know that you are eternal, to know that you beautiful, to know that you are a genius, etc. etc. the power in thinking is powerful and the power of knowing is magical, miraculous and pure bliss.

I don’t know about you but I will have as much of that knowing goodness as I can get! ;)

Mind – I feel good in my mind but it was so active last night!!! I didn’t feel stressed and I just kept relaxing and focusing on my breath. And, maybe slept for 30 minutes last night. I think that doing the meditation helps even when I don’t get sleep! That is where it is at for me right now, keeping my mind positive and open and receptive. I am committed to being happy and if this is my intention that negative thoughts, doubts, worries are not allowed in this beautiful mind of mine. Sure, feeling the fear and the pain are awesome but to not dwell in this place. There are so many rich aspects of my life that I want to continue to celebrate! :)

Meditation

Rest Meditation and Delta at like 1:00 am when I couldn’t sleep

Holosync at 2:45 am- 3:45 am

Yoga Nidra 4:15-4:45

Body – Feeling really beautiful in my body today. As, I was getting ready for the day I looked stunning, from the mirror reflecting back to me!! And, just seeing the beauty of my body already and when I seriously commit to reshaping it and having the most radiant, beautiful me come through. OMG! Exciting! :) I am excited to get back into my body! It is an important daily practice for me!

My ring finger is feeling naked today. No more raspberry bliss bling (which is what I called my pink sapphire engagement ring). Amazing how we can get used to something like a ring and then when it is gone it feels so different!! I know one day soon it won’t feel like I am missing something on my finger!!

Diet

6:00 Blood Cleanser juice

9:00 Banana, Cacao, Blueberry, Honey and Rice Milk

12:00 Salad with some feta cheese and tahina dressing (with a couple of fries) & coconut water

2:30 Dark chocolate

5:00 Detox drink and Stir Fry with Brown Rice

6:00 Detox drink

Workout – 1 hr of walking, 20 minute basic yoga routine

Massage – 60 minute body massage – 30 minute foot massage

Spirit

My intention/mantra for the day – Faith! I trust! I know. I look for guidance everywhere!

Ahhh beautiful Spirit!! She moves me and she is guiding me. I am so incredibly blessed to feel truly connected to Source. I do have faith and I do trust. And, I know that my self is so small compared to my Higher Self! This is the place that I want to live from Every Moment and everyday. I feel that for me right now the purpose is to focus on the fundamentals. It is in getting up every morning and connecting to Source and moving and loving my body first thing in the morning, and feeling happy and grateful and writing out what I plan to do, and what I am excited about in the near future…this is what keeps me focused on my bliss, from this place I am unstoppable and so full of love!!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Sending out an email to some of my favorite Goddesses asking for love as I transition, having so many amazing conversations with Brian, really feeling powerful and confident today, getting a nice relaxing massage ahhhh heaven, looking at the first draft of mygoddesslife.com website…Stunning, I am so excited it is going to be something that it really going to be an amazing accomplishment and source of pure bliss for me!

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate all of the amazing people in my life who support and love me. I appreciate my life, even though I am going to through what is a life altering experience and can be challenging at times, I feel so blessed because so many things are so right in my life and I can literally see it getting better and better! I appreciate my greatness. I appreciate my step dad’s words of wisdom, I appreciate my Mom’s incredible heart!! I really appreciate writing this blog it is one of my favorite things to do in the day! :) I appreciate intimacy and partnership!

Final thoughts of the day – Hard to put into words what a magical day it was today!! Transforming. I am literally becoming the “ME” I always knew was in there, just didn’t know how to express it. Well, ladies and gentleman she is coming out!!! :) Another amazing day. I feel blessed!

“As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.” Leo Buscaglia

This is a powerful quote and one to live by!!

Currently, I am in the process of ending an engagement with one of the most amazing men I have ever met! I feel like the container of “us”, wasn’t leading either one of us to our true selves! Although magical and wonderful we both needed to evolve deeper on our own!

Just because I am not engaged anymore does not mean that I do not love him. I love him deeply and I also know that I need to become more, as does he!! I have faith in knowing that as we follow our own unique paths we will find the love that we both desire and deserve!

Leo also says, “One does not fall 'in' or 'out' of love. One grows in love.” I totally agree! We often have this idea that once we are in love, we stay in love forever or we fall out of love. No, I don’t think that is true. Love takes work, love brings up all of your shit, and love is a process, and not always sunshine and roses! And, sometimes true love means letting go!

I do know in order to really grow in love with another person you must grow in love with yourself and then also consciously choose to grow more and more in love with the other person! It is a process of growing and becoming together!

My heart is currently opening and expanding and I am learning how to love me and learning how to love him and I know that the future is bright for both of us in our intimate relationships!! I feel blessed and honored for the sacred time we had together!

Mind – Incredible 30 days already! I feel transformed just from doing this for 30 days! It really puts me in a beautiful mindset for the day and I am always looking for how I can transform. This is all about being in “school” studying Goddess Living! My mind feels strong, positive and I know I am only beginning to create what I am destined to do, be and have! :)

Meditation

Holosync 3:45-4:45

Destiny – 1 hr

Body – I woke up 3:40 today! AWESOME! That gets me so excited. I love love this routine I have created! And, I feel amazing! I got on a scale today… the scale for packages at FedEx (it was pretty funny:)). And, I was at 151 lbs. That is exciting. I haven’t been a scale for so long and have had a story that it isn’t good to for a woman to get on the scale… and I just realized the “scale” is empty, it isn’t that big of a deal. It is the meaning that I have put behind it that has it be the bid deal. So, I got over and got on it and created that it is the perfect weight for me right now! And, I am excited to see what weight my ideal weight will be after 5 intense, focused months of training!! Awesome! :) Having a lot of fun really loving my body as well! She is a beautiful, stunning energy bundle of intelligene and to look and be in awe is what I am doing everday. I love my body. I love my sexy body! :)

Diet

5:00 detox drink

6:00 Beet, celery, parsely, cucumber (beet the heat juice)

8:30 Bowl of Papaya

10:00 Rice milk, cacao, blueberries, banana and honey with a dash of stevia smoothie

1:00 Coconut water, a couple of fries, scrambled eggs and grilled veggies

2:00 dark chocolate

4:00 jackfruit

5:30 brown rice stir fry with tofu

detox drink

Workout – 1 hour of walking and then 30 minutes of Intense Fit Training with yoga/stretches

Massage – 60 minute body massage

Spirit – I have had some realizations today about my body and beauty. I love to look HOT! There is just something about the vitality and radiance to be smoking hot. And, there has been a part of me that didn’t think it was spiritual, it was too vain to put that much effort into the body and it is all ego! Fuck that, is what I have to say about those thoughts!! Being beautiful is healthy, happy and natural. We are all beautiful and it is our birthright to be the most radiant personwe can be! I feel God moving through me when I feel beautiful and when I am training hard and breathing and being in my body. I feel God in my body when I am having sex, I feel the pulsing throughout my body and it feels really really good. That to me sounds like a damn good thing to strive for a beautiful body and having orgasms! ;) Spirit talks to me when I am most happy and alive! :)

My intention/mantra for the day – Open & Connected. I am OPEN & CONNECTED TO GOD!

My Favorite Blissful Moments – Incredible conversation with B on our morning walk, dancing Sfactor style (hot), meditation (some amazing ideas), training (I love love love to train), seeing B’s dreams being manifested,

Appreciation for the Good, Great and Beautiful – I appreciate my beauty, I appreciate my strength, I appreciate how cool I am, I appreciate Charley for allowing us into his incredible home for 6 weeks to transform our consciousness!!! I appreciate this website! I appreciate Julie who designed it and Gustav who programmed it. I appreciate being in love with my life!!

Final thoughts of the day – I am getting stronger, more confident each day. It is so inspiring to feel my power even in a breaking of an engagement!!

“Your own power is in finding thoughts that your inner being agrees with and practicing them until they are the dominant thoughts with in you.” Abraham Hicks

Powerful goodness! This is where the growth and expansion come into play. To fully embody this quote, to take it seriously and to live it every moment, every day is where transformation is.

If embodied, our lives will change. We will be happy, fulfilled, successful and prosperous! So, let’s get it on and trust our inner being to guide us to finding those happy thoughts!!

Up at 5 am

Body – I am about to get my period, like today! I am becoming more beautiful everyday. I dance this morning to Ricki Beckwith and I felt amazing, totally connected to my body and GOD! My body is Hot. Amazing how great I feel with no supplements. I haven’t gone more than 2 weeks since I was 20 without taking them! This is cool to go without and let my body do it’s job.

Diet

7am Detox Drink/Blood Cleanser juice

8am Tea

8:45 Bowl of papaya

11:30 shake with rice milk, papaya, banana, honey

1:30 Salad with dark chocolate

5:15 Potato wedges with ketchup

6:00 coconut water and ½ Indian plate

Workout – 1 ½ walk and 20 minute stretch/10 minute free dance

Massage – Massaged my face, head and feet for 10 minutes

Mind – Woke up feeling sad and a bit nervous about the next steps of my journey. And, feeling into being alone and not sure how it will all work out. But after a great conversation with Brian we made even more distinctions and I feel GREAT! Even thought my whole life is up in the air right now, I feel very happy!

Meditation – Holosync 5:30-6:30 Destiny for 30 minutes

Spirit I just got un-engaged from my best friend. And yet we are having the most transformative, beautiful, spiritual connection ever. I am becoming my Goddess self as we break up. And, I am committed to becoming even more radiant, powerful, and sexier than I have ever felt. Life can be so rich! Bring it on!

Intention/mantra – Excitement. I am excited about this adventure and all that I am creating! Excitement fuels me! :)

Blissful Moments – Singing and dancing to Ricki, Take an amazing walk, waking up at 5 am, stripping and super sexy sex! (sorry, if that is too much information it was pure bliss :)), writing in my journal, and creating and feeling into what excites me.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I really appreciate our morning walks, I appreciate my freedom, I appreciate my strength, I appreciate my clarity, I appreciate that I am in Bali going through this transition the way that I am. I appreciate Brian. I appreciate my expansion.

Fun/Creativity – Dancing! And making some cool affirmation cards with colorful markers. I hart colors! It was something special for my ex-fiance. :)

Final thoughts for the day – I have had an amazing day!

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? What would I do if I had a million dollars in the bank? What is my bliss?

Some transformative questions to journal about as we open up to living our destiny.

Are you living your destiny fully? If not take some time right now and answer these questions!! You will be happy and excited to find out what you discover about yourself! I have done this exercise thousands of times and I always discover something new. Go on now, get your journal and get to writing! :)

In fact I am going to go and do it right now!

Up at 3:30 am

Daily Yummy – what would I do…

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? What would I do if I had a million dollars in the bank? What is my bliss?

Some transformative questions to journal about as we open up to living our destiny.

Are you living your destiny fully? If not take some time right now and answer these questions!! You will be happy and excited to find out what you discover about yourself! I have done this exercise thousands of times and I always discover something new. Go on now, get your journal and get to writing! :)

In fact I am going to go and do it right now!

Spirit –

Mantra/Intention for the day – Connected to Source. The Spirit of God is upon me

I love getting up early. Feels super great in my soul! I feel connected to me and I feel connected to God. The Universe is guiding me to expand. I know I am capable of being More. More love, more power, more energy, more growth!!

Mind

Meditation – Holosync 3:45-4:45 Destiny 30 minutes

I feel peaceful in my mind and excited about my future. I feel like I am playing a really fun game. I love to WIN! :)

Funny opened up a book today p53 first think I saw was Madison, Wisconsin. That is where I am feeling into moving to when I get back to the states (maybe it was sign or just my Reticulating activating system:))

Body – feels good! Transforming

Nutrition

6:30 10 oz of green juice and yerbe matte

8:00 Bowl of papaya

9:00 Shake

10:00 red rice and eggplant bharta

12:00 dark chocolate

1:00 potato wedges (4) and coconut water

3:00 buckwheat pancakes and coconut water

6:30 dark chocolate and nasi goring

workout – walk 20 minutes/yoga 20 minutes

Blissful moments – waking up at 3:30am, having the dogs chase us in the car, feeling anger today and expressing it (very powerful for me)

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my life, my body. I appreciate my truth, I appreciate my strength, my courage. I appreciate my transformation. I appreciate my Goddess Journey.

Fun/Creativity – Created some amazing affirmations with markers and what my visions are for my life!

Finals thoughts for for today – I had a challenging conversation with my mom. I love her and she is worried about me being in Bali alone, with no job. A fair and reasonable concern for your daughter. And, right now in my life I am not interested in reasonable. Reasonable would have me crying all day over a broken engagement. Reasonable would have me living somewhere in the Midwest, teaching and coaching volleyball. Reasonable would be murder to my soul! I am not fucking interested in reasonable! I am interested in greatness, pure joy and empowerment, love and passion. I am interested in me being happy. And, not allowing anyone else to influence how I choose to live my life. This is my life to live as I choose!!!!!!!!

From Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain

Four Basic Steps for Effective Creative Visualization

1. Set your goal

2. Create a clear idea or picture

3. Focus on it often

4. Give it positive energy

Simple and awesome!! We need to know what we want. We need to have the image and the idea in of what we intend to create in our mind. Then, we need to focus on it often. I actually think we need to focus on it all the time!! It needs to be a burning desire! And, then we need to be positive and have a positive expectation. See ourselves fulfilling it and having everything go perfectly!

Do this over and over and over till our goal has been achieved! :) Oh, yeah and enjoy, this stuff is suppose to be exciting and fun! :)

Up at 4:50

Spirit –

Intention/Mantra – Abundance. Abundance flows in and out of my life. I am abundant!

I feel like I am becoming more and more confident in ME! This is truly spiritual greatness. I am transforming my consciousness which is a really beautiful and an exciting experience.

Oh yea, sex is amazing. I feel so alive and connected to God, Oneness, bliss, when I am experiencing sexual pleasure! :)

Mind –

Meditation Holosync – 5:10-6:10 Destiny 30 minutes

My mind.. I love to be happy. I love creative, happy thoughts. And I love this truth that I am finally embodying and getting that I can do, be have anything I want. Yea! Everyday I become more and more confident in who I am as a woman. I am inspired to be who I desire to be. And, that is hot, beautiful, spiritual, abundant, and happy. A true Divine Sensual Goddess!

Body – I am just in the beginning of my period. And I feel great in my body. Healthy, happy and really sexy! I am opening up to my body in incredible new ways!

Diet –

6:15 Detox drink

8:00 Beet, cucumber, parsley, celery juice

9:00 Papaya

10:00 Dark chocolate

12:30 Potato and salad with tofu and coconut water

3:15 Papaya

5:30 Minestrone soup and a garden salad

Workout -45 minutes walk/yoga

Blissful, magical moments – doing some fun stuff with B in the bedroom, wow! Amazing realization for my life and B and I’s relationship, looking in the mirror and loving what I see, B and I dancing to Ricki B.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I really appreciate our relationship evolution, I appreciate my creativity, my passion, and excitement. I appreciate dark chocolate. I appreciate serendipity. I appreciate nature.

Fun/Creativity – Going shopping for some creative supplies, doing some fun stuff in the bedroom, and free dancing.

Final thoughts for today – We had an incredible break up ceremony tonight! I will have to write a book on how to have the best break up ever! Stunning! :) It was so romantic, full of love and appreciation, sexy and amazing!! :)

Want to have more energy!?!

Drink more water! Often times we don’t drink enough water and our bodies get tired & dehydrated!! So, make sure you are drinking enough water! If you don't know how much water drink take your body weight and times it by two and there ya go! ;)  Oh, and cut out any sodas, or sugary drinks!

Speaking of sugar, don’t eat any refined white sugars! They pollute your blood and leave you feeling drained!

And, move your body! Our bodies are meant to move! Do anything that you feel like doing, dancing, walking, jumping jacks, play with your kids, but MOVE!!

And, lastly eat fresh organic fruits and veggies!! Eat them any way you want, raw, steamed, cooked, baked, but eat more of them, lots more of them! :)

Do this everyday and you will feel better and better everyday! Simple, but trust me this energy plan works miracles! :)

Up at 4:20

Spirit –

Intention/mantra – I am open and receptive

I feel great in my heart. Had some deep opening and awareness around my life. I feel open and for sure receptive. It has been a magical day. I got very clear on what some of my deep desires are and the fear around them. So great to be open and receptive to my destiny. She is unfolding!

Mind

Meditation – Holosync 4:45 -5:45 Universal Mind for 30 minutes before bed

Noticing as I get my period I get a bit heavy in my mind. And, Echart Tolle in the Power of Now talks about the consciousness of all woman and feeling into the worldwide feminine pain body is triggered when you menstruate. Wow. I am transforming that global pain body as I stay present and focus on the good. No pain is allowed in my mind, for it is an illusion.

Body – I got my period today. Feel good. About 9:30 today I had some serious heaviness going on. But I am committed to having the best day ever so “ain’t nothing gonna hold me down oh, no, I got to keep on moving” :)

Diet –

6 detox drink

7:45 maca shake

8:30 papaya

10:15 quinoa

12:30 potato wedges and dark chocolate

2:00 coconut water and banana, cacao shake

5:00 aloe vera drink with ½ Indian plate and a samosa

hot coca with soymilk for dessert. Yum

Workout – 30 minute walk/30 minute FIT training

Favorite Blissful moments – Meeting Meg and having a great chat, finding an amazing house to live in, serendipity at it’s best. Getting a massage, kick ass journaling session. The whole day was just full of magical, miraculous moments. Super cool!!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – My life. My opening! My enthusiasm! My confidence. Being in Bali, Kafe, I appreciate Charley’s amazing place, I appreciate the Spirit that is pulsing through me and opening up to all of the good the world has to offer!

Finals thoughts for today – Had a very transforming day! Universal Mind Meditation here I come1 :)

When we are calm, relaxed we are in a state of alpha brain state! This is where we connect to God, and this is where we use both our left and our right brain hemispheres. Cool eh? So, why don’t we relax more often!?!

Our left brain is running the show and doesn’t have time for that stuff, He has work to get done! :) But the right brain has so much wisdom and intelligence to offer to us that will help the left brain out and make our lives run even better!

You can reach alpha state fairly easily. Sit comfortably, relax your body, and take a couple of deep breaths. And, then count back from 100-1. After you get to 1, you should be in alpha and tapped into the Universal Mind. This is a great time to just enjoy this sacred space, pray or visualize anything that you want in your life. And, when you are ready to come out; count from 1-5 and affirm that you are awake and feeling better than before!

Doing this a couple of times a day integrates our whole brain. Now, doesn’t it make sense if we have 3 lbs of brain matter to use the whole thing!?! I think so! :)

Up at 3 am

Spirit –

Intention/Mantra – Trust! I trust myself. I trust and know I am guided.

I did my morning routine to connect with Source and it felt good. And, then we have moved back into the city, the moving and uprooting has me feeling a bit ungrounded! And, this is very important to me to feel balanced and centered. I am learning more and more of what I want and need.

All is well. All is well. All is well. Breath and Relax go to Alpha!

Mind –

Meditation – 3:15-4:15 and then relaxed in bed 4:15-5:00

I woke up today exited about the distinctions about my life. And the opportunity to work here in Bali teaching classes and doing massages. Wow! So much to meditate on today!

I felt a bit stressed later in the day as my mind bounces between being in Bali and LA and this sense of urgency to figure it out right now. None of it is that big of a deal! :)

Body – I feel a bit tired today. And, it is all good. Going to just rest today. I enjoy giving myself the time to relax when I get my period! And, I am feeling that one of my many paths of study is true mastery over my body.

Diet –

6:15 Aloe vera soda

7:30 Green juice 16 oz

10:15 Papaya

11:30 Buckwheat pancakes

2:30 pottao and grilled veggie salad

4:30 dark chocolate

Workout – 30 minute walk and 1 hour and 45 minutes of hatha yoga class

Favorite, magical, blissful moments – Walking through the monkey forest and watching them eat and play, incredible little creatures. Taking the best meditation nap. Yoga class was ecstasy in my body, eating yummy buckwheat pancakes.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my morning routine, I appreciate all of my choices, my freedom, yummy good. I appreciate Joseph Campbell’s brilliance, I appreciate my unfolding journey, I appreciate the yoga barn.

Final thoughts for the day – Just got done watching the first Star Wars. Amazing vision and creativity. Very inspiring, as it is based on Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey.

It is 7 pm and I am going to be sleeping very very soon! May the Force be with Me! :)

“Wealth consciousness is so much more than simply having the ability to make money. It’s a mindset that involves seeing life, not as a struggle, but as a magical adventure where our needs are met with grace and ease. It includes the ability to see beauty wherever you go, to have gratitude as your primary emotion and an open heart to all you meet. Wealth consciousness is a state of mind, a sense, not of believing, but really knowing that what you need is available to us.” Richard Carlson

That sounds fun! I choose a wealth consciousness! I affirm and I know that everything that I need is already available to me!!

Let’s all choose wealth consciousness. Imagine what the world would look like if we all lived this way!?! Yummy! :)

Spirit –

Mantra/Intention – Freedom! I am free.

I felt free today. Absolute freedom. Wow! Later on in the day I felt heavy in my heart about Brian and I parting ways. But I just keep coming back to trust and faith. I must trust in the Divine Intelligence that is guiding us. I have no idea what magic the Universe has in store for us! Trust!

Mind

Meditation – 5:00 6:00 Holosync Meditation and Destiny 30 minutes

Felt positive today and have made some really powerful distinctions in the last 24 hrs. Really excited about my future and pretty sure I will stay in Bali for the next 3 months! Wowsers! :)

Body – I felt good in my body today. A light workout which felt perfect. I am getting to the place where I am going to turn it up. Exciting! I already see transformation in the last month! Imagine another 100 days! Sexy

Diet

6 am papaya and pineapple

8 am banana and aloe vera drink

9:30 scrambled eggs and sliced potatoes

10:30 hot lemon, honey, ginger tea

11:30 Mocha with stevia

1:30 ½ rice bread peanut butter and jelly sandwich

3:00 coconut water

6:30 broiled beets, pad thai stir fry, pumpkin dessert

Workout – 35 minute walk – 30 minute yoga and lots of walking around town!

Massage – 60 minute foot massage

My favorite magical and blissful moments – Walking through the monkey forest, feeling the clarity on my destiny, getting a ride from the fed ex driver, feeling the magic unfold for both of us, feeling the excitement and passion for my next steps!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate Charley, I appreciate my Goddess Journey, I appreciate that I am living in Bali – so cool to be living abroad! I appreciate the many possibilities I have, my body and all 50 books I have with me! And, lastly I appreciate the Divine Genius, and Brian!

Final thoughts for the day – Wow. I feel like my destiny is literally guiding me. It all feels right. I am just focused on taking the next step in front of me!

“The power of unbending intent or intention. It is to make an unchangeable decision from which it is impossible to go back. It is single mindness of purpose. It is a well-defined purpose not countermanded by any other conflicting desires or interests. In order to acquire wealth – or for that matter, anything in the physical universe- you must intend it, make a decision to go for it.” Deepak Chopra

Is there something you desire! Do you need to make an unchangeable decision!?!

I do!

Let’s go for it and watch the magic unfold! :)

Spirit

Intention/Mantra – Love. I am love. Love surrounds me.

I feel so grateful to spend the time with God first thing in the morning. Silence, being happy and thinking positive thoughts is the best way for me to connect to Source.

Mind

Meditation 5:00-6:00

I felt happy in my mind. I am excited to stay in Bali for another 3 months. It is so perfect and I think by Feb I will be ready to head back to the states!?! I feel really good and inspired!

Body – I feel myself getting leaner and I am not even trying, which always feels good. I was 69 kg at Fed Ex yesterday (it is so much fun to weigh in on their package scale ;). I felt great in my body all day and my face is so clear.

Diet

6:15 Aloe Vera soda and Green juice

8:00 Coconut water & watermelon and melon

9:45 egg scrambled with veggies and breakfast potatoes

12:30 detox drink and pb and j on rice bread

3:00 dark chocolate

6:00 Indian Plate

Workout – 45 minute walk – 30 minutes of yoga and 1 ½ hrs of walking in the afternoon

Favorite magical, blissful moments – talking about my website, being called a Goddess, meditation, Philosopher’s Forum, a rockin journaling session.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate the sunrise, the amazing food I eat everyday, I appreciate Brian giving me the laptop, I appreciate the beautiful staff at Kafe. I appreciate my Goddess Journey. I appreciate the love that is overflowing. I appreciate me!

Final thoughts for the day – I am excited to go to bed! :)

Act as if you are already what you want to be.

Right now I am acting as if I am a Professional Goddess! ;) So, for me that means coming from the place of being beautiful, healthy, sexy, sensual, abundant, happy and enthusiastic. The place where I say, “YES to my destiny” and I live with audacity and confidence!

I say, “YES to the Goddess” and will continue to Act as if! :)

Pretend it’s all a game. Who would you be? What would you do? Then, start playing around with it. Embody the qualities that your ideal vision requires! Do this for long enough and before you know it you will be that person! Exciting!!!

Up at 5am

Spirit – Purify is my mantra today! I am purifying my mind and body.

I feel I am bathing my spirit in light and have been letting go the last 3 months and now the next 3 months is deeper purification process!

And, I am committed to circulating wealth and transforming my beliefs about wealth (thanks Deepak for the inspiration)! I feel purified!

Mind –

Meditation – 5-6 am and Destiny, Universal Mind and 15 minute wealth treatment

I feel like I have been thinking too much. Major transitions… ending an engagement with thoughts of what’s next, moving and also the choice to stay in Bali for 3 months. I also feel really stable and enthusiastic amidst the perceived chaos. I am feeling more and more peaceful!

Body – I have a bit of a headache this morning – tension headache.

Ready for bed and I feel great, tension has been relieved!

Diet –

6 am coconut water

7:50 Green juice

8:30 Papaya

10:30 Buckwheat pancakes with berries and butter and coconut water

12:30 Dark chocolate

2:30 Nasi Goreng with Brown Rice

6;00 Grilled veggie salad with hot cocoa

Workout – 40 minutes of light yoga and lots of walking in the afternoon.

Favorite, blissful magical, moments – walking in the rain, getting a job at the Yoga Barn teaching Goddess Training, and feeling my power!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate Uma and Shivananda, I appreciate Brain, I appreciate Charley, I appreciate Ubud, I appreciate the Yoga Barn and I appreciate Life.

Final thoughts – What an amazing day, totally in the flow and allowing!

“When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

One door is closing in my life… I am moving out into the world alone after ending an engagement. And, it is true there is a part of me that is looking regretfully upon the closed door. I don’t do it all the time, but there are moments! And, in those moments I am missing the opportunities that are waiting for me.

Doors are always closing and opening. We just need to be open to receive the goodness and not be too concerned with the past or with the future! I know this experience is going to lead me to a better, more fulfilling life. I know that I am only going to love more, deeper and better.

We need to have the commitment to see the good, to be open and willing to see the new doors opening right before our beautiful eyes! They are always there waiting for us to walk through them leading us to a new and better experience!

Be grateful for the past. Trust the current process and know that Divine is guiding you towards a better you, and a better life.

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Confidence. I am confident!

I really really love to be connected to my Higher Self. It feels so good. I love that I am learning more about this thing called Me every day. So much to learn, love and accept and to transform! I need and desire guidance during this transition!!

Mind – Meditation 5:15-6:15

I woke up today a bit anxious and “in my head” I am moving out today. B and I are going to be separating. We have been breaking up and transitioning and it is time. I feel like we have had one of the best break ups ever. And it is time for us to have our own space and time alone. I know we are both going to love it. And, I also know it will be interesting being alone as I am used to having a best friend right by me. We both need this for our own self-reliance and I feel it is right. I still have moments of sadness. I know it is all good and perfect though.

Body – I feel more tension in my body than I have in awhile. Took a great BM this morning. It is amazing how my face clears up and constipation is non-existent when I am meditating, eating healthy, and happy and thinking empowering thoughts. The mind/body connection is fascinating.

10pm feeling the tension in my body and head!

Diet

8 bowl of melon, pineapple and watermelon

11:30 4 almonds and dark chocolate

12:30 Potato wedges and a salad with tempe and tofu

1:30 Dark chocolate

5:30 2 samosa’s and a grilled veggie salad

I had like ½ a chocolate bar today! Might be a bit too much but it was soo good! :)

Workout am - Goddess Training movement 45 minutes pm 45 minutes of walking

Magical, blissful moments – Serendipity and Abundance full force today, Extending my visa for another month (amazing I have already lived in Bali for 3 months), Got a cell phone today, rockin it Bali style! :)

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate Brian! I Wow do I appreciate him. I appreciate we had the best break up ever. I appreciate Charley for opening his house to me, amazing! I appreciate that I am living in Bali. I appreciate all of my growth and transformation. I appreciate all the good that is coming to be right now!!

Final thoughts for the day – I am heading to bed. I am exhausted. I am going to bed alone. WOW. It feels a bit strange. Tonight I left Brian and moved into Charley’s house. It felt weird packing up my stuff separate from him. And, I have to keep reminding myself that divine action is guiding both of us. And it is for the Best. I am really tired. So, I guess good night!

“Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it.” Marianne Williamson

:) The best advice ever!! We hold on to our stories, and retell them and relive them over and over, especially the so-called bad one’s!!

What is the point!?! Does it really serve us!?!

Get on with it, move on, everything happens for a reason, look for that reason, learn and then as Marianne says, chuck the story! And, recreate a new story. I find this to be really powerful especially in times of uncertainty!

I also, think we need to lighten up and enjoy life a little bit more. We get so serious and create so much drama in our lives. A divorce, an illness, ended engagement, car crash, credit card debt… who cares!

Does there need to be drama!?! Could be, but not necessary! I find it fun to create fun, and positive ways to look at everything. It can be quite fun, when we are not consumed with our stories and know that we can create a new one at any time! :)

Up at 4:57

Spirit –

Intention/Mantra – Passion! I am passionate about my life. Passion fills me up!

I love love love to meet the day with my mediation and beating the sun up. I have been doing it for 3 months now and my vision is for another 15 months – that is when I feel like I will become positive addicted to connecting to Spirit first thing in the morning! Can I get an Amen!?! :) I feel like I am learning to connect to the BIG “I”, the BIG Self!!

Mind – Meditation 5:15-6:15 Destiny 9-9:30 Universal Mind 8-9

Lots of excitement going on… I am now living alone in a foreign country. Ended an engagement and I am creating a new website, and a new job at the Yoga Barn teaching a Goddess training class. And getting ready for a fitness show (if I am inspired to compete not sure yet, but the transformation absolutely!)! Fun and I feel the anxiety and I feel like I am alchemizing it into excitement! I feel powerful today and self-reliant. It is my 1^st day alone, separate from B. WoW I am a single woman!! Still adjusting to that….

Body - A bit of the headache/tension in my neck area. But slept amazing. And, feel my body transforming and I am excited to see what the next 12 weeks hold for me. Wow 12 weeks of intense training. How cool!?! Time to turn it up. I felt a little off and tired/sluggish today 10-2, that is the time of the Pitta for Ayreveda! I must just be adjusting to something!?!

Diet

6:30 aloe vera drink

7:00 green juice

9:00 small salad and samosa

10:30 dark chocolate

2:00 coconut water, corn chips and guacamole

3:00 aloe drink and pb & J sandwich on red rice bread

6:30 Salad and potato with ketchup

Workout – 1 ½ Goddess Movement (amazing! I created my class)

Blissful and Magical moments – waking up at 5 after an amazing sleep! Reading the Dance of Anger, an amazing book so far! Allowing myself to relax/nap/meditate. Riding the scooter in the night through the jungle (stunning), Paying for my bill. I really appreciate and am so grateful for Brian because he paid for all of our dinners out and there is power in paying for the bill. It felt good!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my body, I appreciate my path. I appreciate solitude and I really appreciate partnership. I appreciate Brian for supporting/guiding me with my new website. I appreciate Charley’s beautiful house. I appreciate my passion and confidence. I appreciate God, Nature! I appreciate my meditation practice, I appreciate my health!

Final thoughts for today – It was an interesting day. It was the 1^st day in 3 months I woke up and did my morning ritual without B. Definitely different And, it was all great until I drafted the email to Brian’s mom giving Joy to her, our little baby puppy. She loves it there and I have no idea when I will be home or where I will be. Just doesn’t make sense to hold on to her when she has a great home. So, I let my little baby go, which was challenging. Then I went to eat dinner by myself at Kafe and I haven’t done that in a long time and there was a bit of a “missing” feeling. But committed to staying positive and happy and I appreciate my great food and alone time. It is Halloween, full of parties and celebrations and I am going to go home meditate and go to sleep!! I keep reminding myself to Breathe!! :)

“At every moment, a woman makes a choice: between the state of the queen and the state of the slavegirl. In our natural state, we are glorious beings.” Marianne Williamson

What do we choose!?! I know I desire to choose the queen. The slavegirl is my insecurity, my fear, my doubt, worry, concern, etc etc. When I choose her I am imprisoned. But, when I choose love, peace, happiness, and bliss I am choosing the Queen.

The Queen is where I want to live! It is our natural state to be glorious, beautiful and radiant!! We always know which one we are choosing! The Queen feels marvelous the slavegirl feels like hell.

Know that we are destined to be happy and feel good! And, consciously choose the Queen every moment and you will find heaven on earth! :)

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Mantra/Intention - Health! I am health!

I feel like I have only had a glimpse of the power of Spirit! I have read Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra and I am in awe of their confidence and knowing of God. It is really inspiring. I am becoming more and more connected! And, I know as I continue to remain, positive, powerful, authentic and blissful I will be flowing down the stream. That is where the goodness is. I am literally rewiring my brain. This is possible and it is a full time job! One that I am thrilled to be able to do! Let’s change my life, Baby!! :)

Mind – Meditation 5-6 am Destiny and Universal Mind and Goddess Affirmations and Dyer’s morning meditation

I was a bit anxious this morning. I am thrilled to be maintaining my morning ritual without B. I love getting up early. I can even see getting up at like 4:30/4:45 at some point! My main goal today is to rest/relax/release any tension or stress from my mind. I want to honor my transition with B and also my new career as a Professional Goddess. And, also adjusting to living in Bali! Wow, I am living in Bali! :)

Body – I feel a bit of tension or maybe a sinus irritation this morning. My head feels a bit foggy. Drinking some red ginger tea (strong) right now, it is suppose to help with the immune system. And, I am sore from my awesome workout yesterday my intense Goddess Training

Diet –

7:30 Aloe vera drink and at 9:00 16 oz of green juice

10:00 mixed salad bowl

11:30 Potato and ketchup

2:00 PB&J with rice bread

4:30/5 Nasi Goreng with brown rice

Workout – 40 minute walk – 15 minute light yoga

Blissful, magical moments – Taking my morning walk, a great lunch with Charley and Valerie, My text from B that informed me he bought a computer so I get our old one, yea yea yea! And, he also bought me a gift too! It was magical to organize all of my books, I have like 10 I want to read this month!! FUN!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate Charley renting me a room in his magical place, I appreciate my freedom. I appreciate my body to tell me when it’s off. I appreciate salt baths, I appreciate my Dance of Anger book, I appreciate my personal legend, my personal path! I also have deep appreciation for all of the wisdom that I have been blessed to read and digest!

Final thoughts for the day – I feel exhausted. Lots of stuff going on in my head. I just feel really blah and I am missing B a little bit too. It is 8 pm and I am off to bed!!

“If anger isn’t brought up into conscious awareness, it has no place to go. It either turns into an attack on self or an inappropriate attack on others.” Marianne Williamson

When we don’t bring our anger to the surface, we repress it. I think that anger comes from being hurt. That our feelings got hurt, someone rejected us, or whatever be the case, we feel pain. So, every time I experience myself or anyone being angry I just see that somehow they feel hurt! This then puts me in a place to be more compassionate and understanding rather that defensive.

When we do feel the angry often times we deny it or we blow up. As Marianne says, we need to bring it into our conscious awareness! Then, we can begin to transform it. She recommends releasing it to God. I would agree, this has recently been a really great practice for me. To not let get consumed in the emotion but to feel it and then let it go, or give it to God.

Anger is energy, and energy is always moving. So the anger needs to go somewhere. If we do not choose where it goes, then it may show up in an attack to others and an attack to ourselves. We need to get to the source of it, we need to be patience and authentic with how we feel so that we can better move in the world.

Trust me we will all be happier when we are aware of our emotions and especially anger. It is a fabulous sign for us to tune in and see where the illusions are. Enjoy the emotional journey! :)

Spirit –

Intention/Mantra is to Feel good. I choose to feel good. I choose to be empowered. The more I connect to Spirit and transform my thoughts the more I am seeing just how much I am capable of doing and being in the world. It is quite exciting! :)

Mind –

Meditation

Holosync 4:50-5:50

Destiny 9 -9:30

Universal Mind – before bed at 8 pm for an hour.

Body – I feel so much better today. Sinuses are clearing up. I was in bed by 8 pm last night doing the Universal Mind meditation. And, had an amazing night’s sleep. And, I am back to feeling really good in my body. Can I get an Amen!?! :)

Diet –

7:00 Ginger tea with honey and a beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

9:30 Salad with raw ranch dressing

12:30 coconut water and dark chocolate

2:00 Potato wedges

3:00 scrambled eggs, veggies, and feta cheese

5:00 tumeric, aloe, apple, honey juice and a bit of dark chocolate

6:00 potato

Workout – Awesome Fit workout for 30 minutes and then 30 minutes of yoga.

Massage – 60 minute massage

Magical and blissful moments – Brian bought me a philosopher’s stone! Love it!! Brian also gave me his old computer. Yea yea yea! :) I had an amazing workout this morning I was in the zone, I had amazing “bedroom” time. Hot! Wow!

Appreciation – I appreciate my life. I appreciate my growth. I appreciate Brian, so much gratitude for that man!! I am really enjoying my own space and my own time, I appreciate partnership and I appreciate self-reliance and independence. I appreciate amazing food. I appreciate my healthy body. I appreciate my beauty. And I appreciate that I am learning how to own and rock my hotness! :)

Final thoughts for the day - Amazing day I am so inspired!

“The ego will always tempt us to think that the breakdown of a relationship has to do with what they did wrong, or what they’re not seeing, or what they need to learn. The focus must remain on ourselves.” Marianne Williamson

Wow! This is Hot! I don’t know about you, but whenever there is any sort of breakdown with another human being it is so easy to jump over into their world and see where they need work! :)

But the focus must remain on ourselves. Always! We are only in control of our lives and of our perception and the role that we played in the breakdown!

Basically, we need to get out of other people’s business and get in our own! :) We have plenty of work to do on ourselves don’t ya think? ;)

Spirit – Intention/mantra – Wealth! I am wealthy in all areas of my life.

I feel like when I am happy, moving my body that I am more connected to God, Life, and the world. I was singing God songs on my walk this morning it was so much fun. I feel like I am just having fun in my life and everything that I need to know I know and learn and everything is just flowing perfectly. My intention is to stay in this Flow!!!! Life works better there, A LOT better there! :)

Mind – I woke up today excited to rewire my brain. It is fascinating to me that you can rewire the neuro-pathways in the brain and literally become a totally different person. That is fantastic!! So, my meditation has taken on a new level of addiction and excitement.. That is where the transformation is…meditation. Relaxation and getting into theta, alpha and delta brain waves! Yee-haw!

Meditation

Holosync 4:45-5:45

Destiny 9:00 -10:00 with Visualization

Universal Mind 8:45 pm before bed

Body – I love waking up early 4:30 today! :) It is amazing I would have never thought that I would love to get up so early. I do I am so excited about my life! :) I do have a bit too many bites from ants, mosquitos, spiders.. but my body is feeling so amazing that it is worth it!! :)

I felt so powerful, beautiful and sexy in my body today teaching class!! I love my body and I am so grateful for all it does to so that I can live fully. Bless you beautiful body!

Diet

8:30 green juice

10:00 banana cacao, maca, soymilk shake

12:00 ½ a salad with grilled veggies and potatoes

2:30 coconut water and dark chocolate

3:00 small side salad

7:15 Brown rice and eggplant bharta with coconut water
 

Workout

am - walk for 30 minutes and 30 minutes of yoga! And I did my one song rock out dance (felt sooo good)

pm – The first ever Goddess Training for 1 ½ hr. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I taught it at the yoga barn. :)

Blissful, magical moments – Meditation today was amazing! Sharing with Brian today and his amazing support! Writing today, it felt so good to be writing again on the computer, my class was magical amazing how much power is generated with a group of women…so blessed! Riding home on a scooter in the rain was blissful as well!!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my brilliance and genius. I appreciate my fun playful nature. I appreciate the Goddesses who participated in my first class ever!! I appreciate all of my training that has led me to this point in time! I appreciate Brian and all of his genius and allowing me to share my excitement. I love that man!!

Wealth Circulation – I taught a Goddess Training class today. I paid Made the driver which always feels so good!

Fun/Creativity – Took a new road on my walk today and my Goddess Training class was so much fun and so creative! :)

Did something new or something I feared – Taught a class today!

Final thoughts for the day – Wow I am exhausted it is time for bed. What an amazing day. I feel like I am high on life and possibility!! Come to Ubud and take my class you will love it!

“You must unplug from your conditioning and know in that private space behind your eyes that you can and will take on the challenge of manifesting your destiny.” Wayne Dyer

We all are capable of manifesting our destiny. I find it quite fun to imagine and explore my destiny in the private space behind my eyes.

Close your eyes and relax! Ask yourself, “What is my destiny?” Then, allow yourself the freedom to dream. What shows up for you? Is it what you are doing right now!?! If so, fantastic. If not, I would recommend you start creating a vision of how to live that imagined destiny.

I personally think God speaks to us in our desires and imagination. And, once we have the vision we must work diligently to unplug from our conditioning. Because, our big dreams are usually really, really big right!?! And, that can create tension and fear! So, we just don’t go for it!! I know I speak from lots of experience! :)

I say we release any and all restrictions and limitations and DREAM BIG! And, to quote James Allen; “Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.”

Up at 4:57 am :)

Spirit – WoW! Spirit, God, Divine, Universal Mind is an amazing thing. I have always dreamed of being a Mystic I have always been fascinated with their “magical” powers! And, for the first time in my life I am getting a glimpse into my own magical powers and seeing that everything that I need is within me. That those mystics are not somehow different or better than me, but if I choose to experience that level of wisdom it is there and ready for me to experience it. Learning to be open and receptive and I truly do feel that there is a divine intelligence guiding me! Feels good!

Intention/Mantra – Knowledge. I know that all I need to know will come to me when I need it!

Mind – My mind is transforming. Like I said the other day I am rewiring my brain and it is amazing and so flippin cool. I am so excited about my morning meditation. Today I did it and only moved once to switch positions, which is awesome. I look forward to the day when I just get in meditation position and I just sit there in stillness for 1 hour straight!! It is coming soon. Very soon like in the next week I think that will be my everyday reality! Happy dance :)

Meditation-

Holosync 5:15-6:15

Destiny – 10:30-11:30 along with a nap

SuperLongevity meditation 30

Universal Mind – 1 hr

Body – Wow is my body sore today. My goddess training is good stuff. My legs and chest are feeling it. It was an intense day all around yesterday and I was feeling it a bit this morning. And, I didn’t want to workout I thought oh I need a day off and was wanting to skip my morning movement ritual. But, I didn’t, I got out there and did a walk and honored my commitment to move every single day. It was mellow a nice walk and easy stretched for 50 minutes and it felt great afterwards. :)

Diet

Ginger/Honey tea and Green Juice 6:30-7:00

8:15 Tumeric, apple, honey, aloe vera drink

Maca, Cacao, Banana, soymilk shake 9:30

12:15 Indian plate with Brown rice and dark chocolate

5:30 coconut water and Vietnamese salad rolls with broccli pesto soup

Workout – 30 minute walk and 20 minutes of light yoga stretches

Massage 90 minute head, shoulder, feet, hand massage

Magical & Blissful Moments – walking with susu this morning, there is something really fun about walking with a dog! :) Exchanging some fun text messages with Brian. Journaling about my Goddess Life and how blessed I am.

Appreciation of the good, great and the beautiful – I appreciate my courage, my commitment and my faith. I appreciate Charley, I appreciate Ibu who keeps the house clean, I appreciate how organized I am. I appreciate my yummy books, I appreciate the Yoga Barn – feel so blessed to be teaching there!

Fun/Creativity – Danced around the house

Wealth Circulation – Paid Toyo for laundry, made for a ride, Kafe for yummy food! Money is a great thing and I love to circulate look at what I get when I give and support other people – fresh clean laundry, a ride into town, and incredible organic food! :)

Did something different/or fearful – relaxed today and meditated for almost 4 hours!

Final thoughts for the day – Just got done with the Philosopher’s Forum. We have done like 8 of them and this was the first one that we didn’t chat with Brian afterwards. I felt a little sad about it on my drive home! But, turning it around to appreciating how much I love to talk and share in partnership. And, how much I love and appreciate Brian!! I am off to meditate myself to sleep! Good night! :)

“Anyone with deliberate intent, regarding any subject, can improve the way they feel; and when they do, things must begin to improve in their experience.” Abraham Hicks

So, if we have a conscious intention to feel better about any area of our life and we take inspired action as we continue to feel better and better our experiences will be improved.

Sign me up for the feel good train! :)

I have experienced the power of deliberate intent in my life and the more I focus the more the miracles unfold!! I have absolute certainty in the power of feeling good!! My life always flows when I am in the flow and when my intention is to feel good.

And, this isn’t a when I want to have deliberate intent thing, I will. It is an all the time process with the goal to ive from a place of bliss everyday of your life! I believe this is possible, I have tasted it!

Cheers to improved experiences and bliss! :)

Spirit – Manta/Intention – I am the beauty of the Goddess!

I am been fully embodying the beauty of the Goddess today. I have felt it!! :)

And, I am learning this whole feeling good all the time thing. Even when there are challenges to look at them as this is for the best. That we are all being pushed to evolve higher into their higher self. That everything has a divine purpose and can be turned into a a blessing. I really do believe this and have been wrestling with myself a bit to keep that belief strong in my mind today, and that this eventually will consume my mind full of knowing that everything is divinely perfect in the right time, right place!

Mind – I feel my mind shifting. I am becoming more and more positive and happy!! It has been an interesting transition for me and then also had some challenging news today that was not expected. So, it is the perfect time to really master my mind and emotions and really know the truth! As sometimes I can get drawn into the drama of “life”, which I know is just temporary, not truth!

Meditation – holosync 5:15-6:15 destiny 2:30-3:30 universal mind 8-9pm

Body – Oooh boy my legs are sore. That Goddess Training got me the other day! :) Nice I love it I am turning it up a bit!!

Diet – herba matte tea and a small glass of ginger tea

Papaya 8:30

12:30 aloe, honey, ginger, mint drink

Buckwheat pancakes with berry compote ( I used to love these but the berry just doesn’t feel right anymore and they were good but just not really feeling them anymore! :))

1:30 Dark chocolate

4:15 Salad and half of a potato and ginger tea

6:00 half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Workout –

am -Run/Walk for 25 minutes and 15 minutes of yoga/stretching

Massage -60 minute massage – I hart massages! :)

Blissful & Magical Moments – Walking down the street in Ubud and just feeling so happy, everything looked and felt amazing! An incredible nap!

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate Brian! I appreciate his power, strength and love. I appreciate my Mom, her beauty and strength

Wealth Circulation – I paid Made for a drive into town, food at Bali Buddha, paid for internet at Highway! It is amazing how many people you can serve when you are circulating your money!!

Final thoughts for the day – Barack Obama won the election today!!! That is amazing news for the United States. I know he is an incredible man and will be a transformative leader for America and the world! Congrats Barack!

What have you always wanted to do but haven’t done yet?

Take some time right now and write it down all the things that you have ever wanted to do in your life!?! Yes, everything, even those things that you think you can’t do! :)

/got ‘em? Good! Now go through them and see which one calls to you and start it now! I know, there are probably going to be plenty of “valid” reasons why you can’t start it now. Some reasons may be, “ I don’t have the time, money or energy to do it. I am too old. I am too young. I don’t have the education or training. The economy is bad. My Dad is sick…” And, whatever else your excuses, I mean reasons, are for not doing it! ;)

The more that I am live my life fully the more my dreams scream to me. “Express me! Express me!” We all have those dreams and we must live them.

This reminds me of two quotes by Russell Simmons, the “Grandfather of Hip Hop,” “Your purpose is to act on the resources God gives you. If God gives you a bucket of fish, you have to distribute those fish. If you don’t, they’re going to rot, attract a bunch of flies, and start sticking up your soul!”

And, “In my experience there’s only one thing that will always steer you toward success. That’s to have a vision and stick with it… Once I have a vision for a new venture. I’m going to ride that vision until the wheels come off.” I LOVE this guy he is AMAZING!

So, we all have gifts to give to the world, we all have dreams and visions. We must share and give ourselves to the world otherwise our souls will rot! And, we must have the courage and the passion to ride the rollercoaster of life until we achieve success even if that means riding it till the wheels come off! :)

Let’s go live our dreams!!

Spirit – Manta/Intention for today is radiance. I am radiant.

The more time that I spend in Bali the more that I get excited about connecting to my “Higher Self” in a more deeper and profound day. It is the “islands of the Gods”! :) And, it is an island I love the feminine energy of an island!! I am committed to being open. I have my dreams/visions of what I am going to do in my life and if I have learned anything from Spirit and living in Bali it is to be receptive to what the Universe is providing me and to be open for signs. I am to the point in my life that I KNOW that my visions will become a reality. And, now is the time to just allow them to organically manifest!! Infinite patience is what I am cultivating!! Finding the balance of rockin and rollin and allowing and trusting that there is a Higher Power that is guiding me to where I need to do and be next! :) This is what I called My Goddess Journey! :)

Mind – I woke up this morning with this realization of what is possible in my life. And, that I am always looking to an outside source whether it be an organization/certification/school/company whatever that they know better than I do. And, that I NEED to do this and do that in order to do that! And, this morning I just realized that I can just go and do whatever it is that I want to do! There is no one that is stopping me saying, “oh you can’t do that, you need to get certified first.” Ok well maybe there is but you can’t argue with results. I remember Tony Robbins saying, that he didn’t need to get accredited or to become a licensed coach his accreditation was in the results! He produces incredible results!! I feel like I am moving into a more powerful place within me that says everything that I need I have within me and if I am inspired to do something I will do it. But I commit to not doing anything that doesn’t feel good to my soul and that I feel like I NEED to do it in order to do something I want to do! I know that I have the ability in me and there is no need to wait until someone gives me the stamp and says, go on and fly! It is called self-confidence! :)

Meditation – Holosync 5:15-615 Ideal weight subliminal 6:30-7:00 Destiny 60 minutes Quietude while reading 30 minutes!

Universal 60

Body – I woke up a bit tried today and a little scratchy in my throat. So, I just did a quick 35 minute yoga workout and I am going to meditate and rest this morning until 2 then it is Goddess Training time! :) I think I am working through some emotional stuff and it is passing through my body. I am releasing it and letting whatever it is go!! I am committed to feeling amazing in my body always full of energy!!

Diet

8:30 Papaya and pineapple

10:30 half of a potato

12:15 quinoa, a wee bit of butter and braggs

2:15 coconut water 2:45 banana, cacao, soymilk, maca shake

5:50 coconut water and a salad with feta cheese

Workout –

Am 35 minute yoga routine

Pm 90 minute Goddess Training session

Blissful & Magical Moments – I ate the most amazing pineapple! I road the scooter today in the rain it felt magical I closed my eyes and just meditated! I did my second Goddess Training class today – when I train I feel my bliss! I had an awesome journal session today and reading Louise Hay. I love that woman and look forward to spending some time with her.

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my body. I appreciate my abundance. I appreciate that I live in Bali! I appreciate Charley and Made for driving me! I appreciate my fingers to be able to type this right now, I appreciate the yoga barn, I appreciate my freedom, and I appreciate all that I am learning!

Fun/Creativity – I did yoga in a new direction today change is good! :)

Final thoughts for the day – I am off to bed. I feel a wee bit hungry! :) But I do not eat for at least 2 hrs before I go to bed. This has been one of the greatest things for me to learn. My body needs to rest and rejuvenate and it isn’t made to be digesting my food and healing. So, I know the best way to feel great in the morning is eat dinner early, go to bed early, wake up early and meditate! :) Speaking off… I am off to mediate into sleep!

“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.”

Do you listen to your anger!?! Until recently I always “tried” to be the “nice girl”. I never wanted to be too angry and I wanted to be easy going and be flexible and just go with the flow. What I am realizing now is this doesn’t work. I ended up feeling like I was being walked on, repressed, with no self-expression!

Anger only asks that we are open to it. There is nothing wrong with anger. It is just an emotion. Granted it is not an emotion that you want to live your life from, but it is like Dr. Lerner says, it is a signal, and one worth listening to.

Anger doesn’t just come from nowhere there is something that happens, thoughts that we have that create this emotion. So, it is an amazing tool for us to see where we are off.

Are we compromising ourselves and our beliefs? Are we saying ‘yes’ to things, when we really mean ‘no’? Are our needs not being met? Are we ignoring an important emotional issue? Are we not communicating ourselves well, do we feel like we are not being heard?

All of these may be reasons for anger to come up in our lives. And, the exercise is awareness and observation. Be aware of when you are feeling anger. This means connecting to our emotions, they are powerful they let us know when we need to change, shift, transform into something that is more aligned with our true self. Honor them.

Some of us may not even know when we are angry. I know there have been times that I denied I was angry when if I would have been honest I was furious. To quote Dr. Lerner, “The taboos against our feeling and expressing are so powerful that even knowing when we are angry is not a simple matter.” And, “Because the very possibility that we are angry often meets with rejection and disapproval from others, it is no wonder that it is hard for us to know, let alone admit that we are angry.”

I used to think that being angry was wrong, ugly and meant that I was not spiritually evolved enough. Now, I am seeing it as a beautiful thing, and part of the human experience and it is ok. It is better to allow yourself to feel it than to repress it, which I have done for many years! Now, I am learning how to live up to my ideals and fully own my power and communicate my anger effectively.

By effectively I mean in a productive calm manner. Sometimes it may be appropriate to let it all hang out and give a raw expression of anger. But, I think most of the time it is best to take some time, to feel into what we are angry about, take responsibility for our anger, and then communicate it in a calm, powerful, and clarifying way. This is the dance of anger! :)

Get to know yourself and your anger and learn to dance with the beautiful gift of our emotions! :)

Spirit – Manta/Intention - Receptivity! I am open and receptive.

I am called to take some solo time for myself this weekend. I am going to stay in for the weekend and read/write/meditate and relax and connect to Spirit. This week I was out in town a lot and I am committed to connecting to Source as one of my top visions for my life so it doesn’t make sense to be in town running around all the time, for I find source in silence, and meditation and alone time! And, as I am connected I give more freely to the world!

Mind - I am excited to read for a lot of today!! My mind is funny it wants to know what my whole life plan is. How long I am going to stay in Bali, where I am going to go next, what will I be doing, how long till my dreams come true… It is funny to see that it is all a waste of time because I have many goals, And, at the same time I have no idea what the Universe has in store for me, something great I know and I don’t know the timeline either, so sorry mind I can’t give you all the answers right now you are just going to have to wait! :) I thought I was going to be in Bali for 1-3 months. And, now I am going to be here for 6 months! And, I didn’t have any intention of teaching here but now I am! And, we didn’t plan on breaking our engagement but we did! So, I think what I am learning is I just need to let my mind know that it will all work out, no need to worry, the future is safe! :)

Meditation – Holosync 5:30-6:30 Destiny Universal

Body – I felt great this morning when I woke up. I am sleeping amazing!!

Diet –

8:45 Quinoa & Braggs amino acids

10:00 detox drink aloe, honey, mint, ginger

11:00 Garden salad with raw ranch dressing and detox drink

2:15 Nasi Goreng with brown rice

5:30 Beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

6:00 Watermelon

Workout – 30 minute walk and 20 minutes yoga/stretches

Massage – 60 minute full body massage

Blissful & Magical Moments – I had an incredible magical moment getting a massage I felt so connected to my body and spirit, amazing! Walking with the 4 dogs this morning at sunrise (I love my morning walks), reading Louise hay (love her), and watching the movie step 2 :)

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate that I can choose to take a weekend out of the world. I appreciate this computer, I appreciate all of my trillions of cells that do their part to keep me alive and healthy! I appreciate all of my guided/music meditation’s, I appreciate my ipod and my bose headphones! I appreciate my breath!

Fun/Creativity – I watched step up 2. It was so much fun

Final thoughts for the day – The movie was awesome. Every time I watch a movie about hip/hop dance or music I get inspired. And, dream of being a dancer and singer! Sometime in this life I will do it. Right now my freestyle dance everyday is working! :)

“Here is a relationship Booster that is guaranteed to work: Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid make you eyes light up as if you just heard something brilliant.” Rumi

I love this!!

If we all did this more often I think we would indeed have better relationships! And, I don’t think that we need to be criticized for what we say or do, there is no need for that in relationships. What there is a need for is the commitment to see the brilliance in one another and light up with their genius. Appreciate your lover for all that they are, and all that you perceive that they are not will fall away!

Look forward to the times when your lover says something you think is “stupid,” as it is a wonderful time to light up and love them even more! :)

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Trust! I trust in the Divine to guide me.

I am feeling into creating a daily prayer practice. I have done it randomly but not as a daily practice and never really practiced it fully it was more of this is something I “should” do if I am committed to spiritual growth. But I feel inspired today to fill myself up with love, ask for guidance, listen and pray for people, for the planet. I am going to start it today and probably implement it into my daily morning ritual. It feels like it is time!! :)

Mind – I am opening up to the idea that God/Spirit is guiding my life and that I need to trust it. And, when my mind wants to wander and wants to know where, when, how, what right now I have to keep reminding it, in time I will have the answers. I am surrendering more often in the last couple of days! Because I know that something exciting is happening out there on the spiritual plane for me, I just need to continue to trust!!

Meditation – holosync 5:20-6:20 Destiny – Universal Mind – Super Longevity

Body – I woke up at 4am today and didn’t get out of bed and fell back asleep till 4:56 :) and I felt more tired than I did at 4. I think when I first wake up that is the time to get out of bed!! And, I ate that Nasi Goreng yesterday either it doesn’t work for me or I ate to much of it!?! I didn’t feel all that well yesterday and I feel a bit heavy today!

Diet

8 am Yerba Matte tea with honey

8:45 Green Juice & coconut water

10:00 Banana, Cacao, Soymilk, Maca shake

12:00 Veggie Egg scramble with dark chocolate

2:45 Coconut water and a bit of meat

6:30 Grilled Veggie Salad

Workout – 30 minute strength/fit training and stetches

Blissful & Magical Moments – My workout was empowering, eating yummy dark chocolate, incredible nap, an exciting conversation with B! Creating a to do list and doing what I said I was going to do! :)

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my alone time, I appreciate Charley’s amazing house, I appreciate all the good in my life, I appreciate Brian, I appreciate my website, I appreciate fresh clean water, I appreciate my ability to train, I appreciate my past as an athlete, I appreciate my fire and creativity!!

Final Thoughts for the day – I have had an productive day. I am thrilled that I created a to do list, this is the first time since I have been in Bali that I actually made a list of things I would like to get done today and I had fun crossing the list off. This is going to be my daily practice, it gives me some structure and I enjoy it! :) It was all inspired action too, so that is always a bonus! I didn’t feel like I had to do anything on my list I wanted to!!

So, I am going to read and then head to bed to do the Universal Mind mediation. I will have meditated for 3 hrs today. That is pretty exciting!! :) Go Me!

“We must be good natured with ourselves, never becoming discouraged or giving up until we overcome.” Ernest Holmes

Often times as we are on a personal growth path we can become discouraged and frustrated and be discontent because we have had a glimpse of our potential and we aren’t fully living it now. I know this has been the case for me, and I used to get so frustrated and angry about it. But, this just makes it worse because we put ourselves in a negative state, which only create more to be upse about. Funny how the Universe works huh!?! :)

We must have the faith and the knowing that we will overcome whatever it is that we are going through whether it be a new business venture, a divorce, an addiction, negative thinking, depression.

My vote is that we create the belief in ourselves that pushing our edges is fun and exciting and never plant any seed of discouragement or frustration in our consciousness, as we KNOW that we are on the right path and happiness and success is our birthright!

That is the game I am playing!! I don’t have time for that negative stuff in my life anymore. I have dreams to live and my guess is so do you! :)

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Passion. I live with passion in everything that do.

I desire to live a passionate life! This is my mantra for today and it gets me excited just to say the word Passion. I am feeling really blessed today to be able to have the freedom and the opportunity to be able to connect to Source in the ways that I am right now in my life. It is literally my ideal life! I didn’t think it would be in Bali but here I am and it is manifesting! I feel really blessed and passionate about my spiritual growth!

Mind – I felt happy and beautiful today! It is incredible when I feel beautiful how my life shows up! It is all in the mind. Everything is in the mind. I have studied nutrition since I was in college nutrition and physical body training and have been an athlete my whole life. So, I have been very focused on the physical/material elements of my world. And, now I am just realizing that it all comes from the Mind and from Source. If I am connected to Source, and I have happy, empowering thoughts, I will naturally be sexy, beautiful, confident and successful. I feel like I have only scratched the surface to the potential in my mind, and I am thrilled to see what is possible! :)

Meditation

Holosync 5:15-6:15 Dyer 6:20-6:40 Destiny 3:15-4:34 Dyer 7:00 Universal Mind 8:00-9:00

Body – I went to bed around 9 ish and woke up at 5 am and felt a little tired. I think I am going to get up at 4:15 am so I get to bed earlier and I am meditating by 4:30! :) My body just feels a bit off, it is probably just recalibrating from all that I am doing with my training, meditation, and my transformation! It will be nice to just be low key today and get a massage and allow my body to adjust and give it the time to just rest and do it’s job! Nature knows best, the intelligence of my body is incredible I am learning to trust it more and more!

Diet

9:30 coconut water and banana, cacoa shake

11:30 Organic veggies and scrambled eggs

2:00 Big detox drink and maca shake

3:45 Dark chocolate and Pb& J with Red Rice bread

6:15 Garden salad with raw ranch dressing

Workout – 30 minute walk and 15 minute stretching wherever my body wanted to go!

Massage – 90 minutes of full body bliss! Ah! :)

Blissful & Magical Moments – Enjoying my body in my morning stretching today – felt soooo good, doing all of my meditation today – love it, spending time with B – WOW & HOT is all I can say! ;), getting an amazing massage, and getting into bed early…

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my body and my morning ritual, I appreciate my inspired actions, I appreciate all of the wisdom that I have acquired, I appreciate my sexiness, I appreciate my openness, I appreciate orgasms, I appreciate Bali and all of the incredible food here! I appreciate my dreams!

Fun/Creativity – Lots of fun and creativity today but nothing that I am going to blog about ;)

Final thoughts for today – I just did my evening meditation with Dyer! I love that man. He is truly incredible and so inspiring!! It has been yet another amazing day and I am excited to get into bed tonight and wake up at 4:15 tomorrow morning! I am going to test getting up at 4:15 this week to see how I feel and how I like it. I just feel so excited and inspired when I wake up then! :) And, would love for that to be my practice!! Which I have to step back and be like “Who is this girl?” As I use to get up at like 7:30 and think that 4 am was still nighttime and anyone that got up that early was just crazy! :) Now here I am!! I guess this is what happens when you are going through a rebirth!

“Fear brings failure; faith brings success. It’s just that simple” Ernest Holmes

So, it makes sense according to this quote to create a faithful, positive mindset doesn’t it?

I love these reminders! I about to go and teach my third Goddess Training class at the Yoga Barn in Bali. I find myself getting a bit nervous. And, I am excited to teach and at the same time I have these thoughts on occasion, “What if no one shows up? What if no one likes my class.” Neither one of these are the faith mindset that Holmes is talking about. So, I then shift my thoughts from fear to faith thoughts!!

I remind myself that my class rocks. It is new and innovative and that once people take it they will love it. I might just have to do some more promotion and/or maybe a yoga studio isn’t ideal for my class, maybe I will have to open up my own space for women!

Aaah! I feel so much better after I have these thoughts and visions!! :)

Turn your fear into excitement and have absolute faith that you are incredible, amazing and can do anything that you want to do!

Up at 4:12

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Confidence. I am confident. I can be/do/have anything I desire!

I love that I start my day off in meditation in communion with Spirit. I feel confident when I do this every morning! And, this is something that I want to continue to work on increased confidence! I have read a lot of not living from the ego and having dreams and desire is egocentric and that it is somehow bad. But I think that before you can deconstruct the ego you need to have one! So, let’s build it up while connecting to Source, sounds like a plan to me! :)

Mind – My meditations this morning were great! I feel my mind calming down and it is great to feel when I am in beta, alpha, theta and delta, it is exciting to envision the long term effect of being able to get into an alpha state whenever I want and to live with a more whole brain approach to life! This is really cool. I can feel my brain re-wiring! Amazing!!

Meditation –Holosync 4:30-5:30 Dyer 6:25-6:45 Destiny 10:00-1100 Dyer 8:00-8:15 Universal Mind 8:15-9:15

Body – I felt great this morning. I am so thrilled that I got up with ease today!! I feel really strong in my body. I have been taking some Ayurveda herbs blood cleansing everyday and triphala like every other day. It is the first time that I have taken supplements since I got here, so far so good! We will see I will give them a month and see how I feel and if I notice any difference. I felt fantastic today. I feel like I am really listening to my body!!

Diet

7:00 Beet, celery, parsley, cucumber juice

8:15 Watermelon

11:00 Papaya

12:30 red rice and steamed veggies with braggs

2:00 Detox drink

2:45 Coconut water and banana, cacao shake

6:00 Potato wedges veggie & feta salad and coconut water

Workout AM– yoga PM - Goddess Training class (love my class)

Blissful & Magical Moments – Waking up at 4:12 :), My morning routine, it is one of my favorite times of the day, locking eyes with a little baby boy, having dinner with Brian, teaching my class, my awesome meditation nap ;), and eating that yummy dinner! And, buying some new sandals and being told I had a beautiful body, always nice to hear! :)

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my bali cell phone, I appreciate my workouts, I appreciate all of my knowledge, I appreciate my clarity, I appreciate Brian, I appreciate all of my friends and family, I appreciate all of the friends I have yet to meet! :) I appreciate the comfortable bed I am about to jump in! :)

Final thoughts for the day – What an amazing day! I am amazed how fast my days are going and I am thrilled to go meditate now and be asleep in the next 30 minutes to a mind meditation. Living in Bliss for sure here in Bali! I love my life! :)

“We experience unity consciousness when we are in love, when we are with nature gazing at the stars or walking on the beach, listening to music, dancing, reading poetry, praying, and in the silence of meditation.” Deepak Chopra

I would also like to add, making love, doing yoga or some sort of movement, deep breathing, doing what makes us feel most alive, watching a sunrise/sunset, and reading Deepak! :)

So, if this is when we experience unity consciousness wouldn’t it make sense to do these things every single day and as much as possible!?! I think so! That is what I am currently doing here in Bali, lots of meditation, sunrises, walks in nature, reading, dancing, silence, making love and being in love with myself and life!

Let’s all make a commitment to spend more time with what makes us feel most connected to Source. We will all be happier more peaceful and so will the world! Be the Change!

Glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 4:15 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Appreciation. I appreciate all the good in my life!

I love to appreciate people and things in my life. It is such a great feeling to be grateful for all that I have and all that I am.

Mind – I really appreciate and am so grateful for my meditation practice! I have been doing it for over 3 months every morning now and it is incredible to feel the difference in my mind. It has been a subtle change but I can see over time I literally will be an entirely different woman. Well, not even different just more connected to my true essence.

Meditation

Dawn - Holosync 4:30-5:30 Ah meditation 10 minutes –

Day - Destiny 45 minutes – Yoga Nidra 30 minutes –

Dusk - Om meditation 10 minutes - Universal Mind 60 minutes

Body – I woke up this morning feeling a wee bit tired and sensitive, I might be getting my period soon! :) I immediately went to appreciation of my body. I did some stretches in bed and massaged my head and just felt how amazing it is to be me in this body, this living organism, stunning! I felt very blessed as I got out of bed!

3:15 pm and it is a hot one. I am adjusting to this heat and sometimes it gets to me and I just feel blah and fatigued!!

Diet

7:00 Ginger tea and honey with blood cleanser and triphala herbs

8:00 am small bowel of watermelon

9:00 Big Bowl of papaya

10:30 dark chocolate

11:30 rice and veggies

1:30 Salad with 1 samosa & coconut water

3:00 Aloe vera drink

4:00 green juice and coconut water

5:30 Indian Plate

Workout am – 30 minute walk./20 minute stretch

Pm –Yoga – 1 hr

Massage – 60 minute full body

Blissful & Magical Moments – Getting up and meeting the sun on my walk it was so still and beautiful. Getting a text from B this morning to tell me he got up at 4:06 (we play a game to see who gets out of bed first ;), writing my daily journal in my stunning office, my two meditation/naps! :)

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate this wonderful Mac computer, I appreciate technology, I appreciate nature, I appreciate meditation, I appreciate my yoga mat, all of my awesome books, my fingers to be typing this right now, and massages!

Final thoughts for the day- As I continue down this path I am seeing how much work I still have to do Exciting! :) Good night!

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” Henry David Thoreau

Often times we aren’t living the life we imagined, because we haven’t stopped to ask ourselves what that would even look like. We need to know what we want before we can move in the direction of our dreams. Get the journal out and do some writing and write out your ideal life, use your imagination and dare to dream big! :) And if you already have your imagined life created are you taking consistent action to make it a reality!?!

Let’s live our ideal lives and continue to go confidently in the direction of our dreams! :)

Up at 4:15 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Bliss. I am following my bliss. I feel blissful

I had a spiritual ah-ha today about my life path. It is big and bold and audacious and this is the game I am committed to playing! Bring it on Spirit!

Mind – I felt great in my mind this morning. I had some divine inspiration this morning! :) Gotta love when that happens. I feel so clear and focused!

Meditation – Holosync 1 hr 4:40 5:40 Destiny 8:15-9:00 Healing Meditationg 30 minutes

Universal Mind 8:00-9:00

3 ½ hrs of meditation. WOW! I think that this is going to be my goal and I would love to have one 30 minute silent meditation/prayer time as well. Talk about rewiring my mind. So, cool! :)

Body – My body feels sensitive this morning! But, considering I went to be at about 10:15 I felt great this morning!!

4:30 pm I am hot and I have felt hungry today and craving chocolate. My guess is my period is around the corner. It makes me feel a bit feisty too!! And, I just feel big and blah! I felt good this morning, just not that incredible right now! I know too will pass but just currently not a rock star! ;)

Diet –

7:00 Ginger tea and honey

7:50 small bowl of papaya

11:00 Aloe Vera drink and breakfast potatoes and grilled veggies and scrambled eggs

1:00 Dark chocolate

2:00 Green Juice (apple, parsley, cucumber, celery)

4:00 Dark chocolate

6:00 Grilled feta salad

(way to much chocolate today, my go on a no chocolate fast next week ;)

Workout – Walk for 30 minutes and 10 minutes of stretching

Massage – 60 Minute foot massage

Blissful & Magical Moments – observing nature on my morning walk, divine inspiration flowing through me in the morning, awesome chats with B, instant messaging my Mom, being asked to do a Goddess ritual for a baby shower! :) Doing all of my meditations today, who would have thought that I would love to mediate/visualize as much as I am! Exciting

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate Ubud, I appreciate Meg who created Kafe, I appreciate My Goddess Training class at the yoga barn, I appreciate my passion, I appreciate my commitment to my greatness, I appreciate my evolution, I appreciate my health, I appreciate and honor all of my dreams!

Final thoughts for the day – My throat feels a bit scratchy I am off to bed early tonight! :) Allowing my body to adjust to this getting up at 4:15 thing! :)

“The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me. Each moment, taken alone, was always bearable. In the exact now, we are all, always, all right. Yesterday the marriage my have ended. Tomorrow the cat may die. The phone call from the lover, for all my waiting, may not ever come, but just at the moment, just now, that’s all right. I am breathing in and out.” Julia Cameron

In this moment we are all right! Everything is perfect. There is no need to worry, stress, doubt, just breathe! :)

Enjoy each moment, taken alone, we find peace!

Up at 4:15

Spirit – Manta/Intention – I am free to be me. I release all restrictions

My mantra this morning is from Louise Hay’s book you can heal your life. This is the affirmation for a sore throat! :)

Mind – The mind/body connection is fascinating! I don’t feel all that well. And, my alarm went off this morning at 4:15 and I was “trying” to justify all the reasons to stay in bed and rest!! I got up and to be honest it has been work to stay positive. I just don’t feel well. And, my mind starts to go downward as my body doesn’t feel optimal. So, great to see and to feel and to observe what goes on this incredible mind of mine! :)

Meditation – Holosync 4:40-5:40 Destiny9:15-9:30 Healing 10:45-11:15 Universal Mind 8-9

I did 3 hours of meditation today and took it easy except for my class, because I want to make sure my mind and body are rested so that this sore throat thing is only a day! :)

Body – I felt a little funkiness going on in my throat last night and went to bed early and this morning I woke up and I have a scratchy, sore throat. I have gargled salt water and drank some warm ginger tea and put coconut oil and eucalyptus on my throat and am about to take a Epsom salt bath!

Diet – 6:30 plain ginger tea

8:30 lemon, honey, ginger and mint drink

9:00 Beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

10:30 rice and veggies (small portion)

11:15 Minestrone soup with quinoa

1:20 Garden salad with raw ranch dressing

2:45coconut water banana, cacao shake

5:45 ½ potato and coconut water

7:30 other half of potato and coconut water

Workout - am 30 minute light stretch/yoga pm taught my Goddess Training class

Massage – 90 minutes full body

Blissful & Magical Moments – getting out of bed when I didn’t “feel” like it, getting a massage, playing with an adorable dog name gigi (reminded me of our baby Joy), watching 5 little girls have a tea party at Kafe – priceless, meditating, philosopher’s forum – I love watching Brian inspire, empower and transform, drinking my coconut water – yummy!

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my body’s intelligence to do what is necessary to keep me balanced – even if that feels like a sore throat ;), I appreciate my cell phone, I appreciate this sexy computer, I appreciate Made for being my driver, I appreciate my money, I appreciate my new job teaching, I appreciate my discipline, I appreciate my life!

Final thoughts for the day – OMG just got home got caught in a rainstorm on the way home on a motor bike!! Wow! It was an adventure and not one that I think I would like to repeat! I had a great day and my Goddess Training class was so much fun, I really enjoy doing that workout!! Excited to share it all soon on my website! :)

“With practice, sexuality can become an exploration of unseen healing energies as well as a way of contacting and expressing our deepest love. Eventually, by surrendering to the wisdom inherent in sexual polarity, lovemaking becomes an exquisite, whole–body prayer, or contemplation of the eternal mystery of man and woman.” David Deida

Stunning! I love this idea of sexuality being a prayer! That is beautiful. To really embrace our sexuality and our divine light and dance the beautiful dance of ecstasy is where I want to play. This is what I want for my life.

I am willing to practice, so that I experience all of the yumminess in this quote! I love the image of surrendering to the deepest love and opening and expanding in communion with another human being. This inspires me! I have had glimpses of my potential as this type of lover. But, I know that deep inside me is a wild Goddess that not yet been discovered!

To experience divine pleasure with an amazing lover is something that I personally think every human being would benefit from, but everyone has their chosen path! Mine just happens to be one with a lot of orgasms! I give Her permission to explore, express and love! I invite you to do the same if you feel called!!

Let the rapture begin! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Vitality. I am fill with vitality!

I know many people don’t put spirituality and sexual, intimate partnership together. But I do. I feel to have an intimate relationship with myself, with God and with my soul mate is something that I desire for my life! And, that means a deep, sexual relationship! I touch the divine when I am enthralled in ecstasy!! I know that the energy that courses through my body is God! I also know it is a path to explore my divine essence. I know there are people who are celibate, or have good relationships but not a lot of fire, passion, and sexual desire! That isn’t for me!! I have resisted, suppressed this sexual urge for years. And, it hasn’t worked so well. I am a divine sexual being and I honor and respect that part of me!! And, I look forward to opening and unleashing Her!

Mind – My mind was all over the place this morning in meditation. I didn’t feel good in my body and it was challenging for me to concentrate. And, this morning I felt like I needed to figure out how long I am staying in Bali and I needed to know so that I can organize that finances, etc. And, what I realized is I don’t trust that I will have enough money. I like to think that I do, but there are still some beliefs in this beautiful mind of mine that doesn’t know that everything I need will be provided for me as I need it! Miss doubt creeps in and I lose connection to Source!! So my commitment is to feel good today and be positive and trust and relax! :)

Meditation –

Holosync 5:30- 6:30am

Destiny 10:00 1 hr

15 minutes of silent meditation

Universal Mind 8pm 1 hr

Body – I woke up this morning and didn’t feel like a ray of sunshine. My throat is swollen and my nose is stuffed up and I just feel achy!! I am going to rest today and read and watch a movie and lay low!!

It is 7:02 pm and I didn’t do much today!! It was nice to rest and I am heading to bed early and going to meditate before I head to bed! And wake up feeling incredible tomorrow! :)

Diet –

7 am Ginger tea with herbs and Vitamin C in water

8:30 Beet, celery, cucumber, parsley juice

9:00 papaya, and mango with a bit of avocado

10:45 Salad with tofu and brown rice, coconut oil and braggs

12:45 Quinoa and Millet with streamed veggies and braggs

3:00 Quinoa and Millet coconut oil and braggs

4:00 Ginger tea with stevia

5:45 streemed veggie and quinoa, coconut oil and braggs

6:30 hot cocoa with soymilk and stevia

Interesting nutrition plan today. I tend to get hungry before my period and the quinoa and millet are like a comfort food for me, so I had about a cup of it today! :)

Workout – 30 minute walk (didn’t feel like it but I am committed to move every single morning! :)

Massage – 60 minute full body

Blissful & Magical Moments – relaxing and watching a movie, getting a massage, doing my own silent meditation for 15 minutes, reading Intimate Communion, drinking my yummy hot cocoa.

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate the bed that I sleep in every night, I appreciate all of the people who support and love me, I appreciate the clean water I drink everyday, I appreciate fresh payaya – yummy, I appreciate Brian’s wisdom, I appreciate my hormones, I appreciate kellly howell, I appreciate money!

Final thoughts for the day – I watched Baby Mama today it was funny and cute! I felt emotional watching it. And, I don’t know if it is the change in my hormones as I going to get my period soon, but I felt excited to have a baby. To get married, and have a family. I love kids! :) Funny, I would have these feelings, I just ended my engagement. I know that the man of my dreams is on his way and that I am going to be the best mother ever! I feel blessed where I am right now and I will be excited when that time is now! :)

“Anger and passion are different expressions of the same Masculine force. You cannot negate one without negating the other. If a man disowns his anger, then he also disowns his Masculine passion. If he is afraid to express his anger, then he is afraid to express his passion. If his woman attempts to squelch his anger, then his passion will be likewise squelched. A man without the ability to be freely angry is a man without the ability to be freely loving: uninhibitedly passionate and alive.” David Deida

Wow! I am a very feminine woman and I love the masculine. I love a powerful man, full of passion, brilliance and a confident presence. It is so sexy to me! And, I also haven’t liked anger. I don’t feel safe around anger and I most definitely do not want to feel the masculine intense emotion of anger directed towards me! I have thought it was wrong, bad and out of control for a man to be angry and express it.

After reading this quote, I find myself wondering, is this true!?! Does a man need to own his anger to be free to give his passion to me and the world!?!

It feels right!! They are both fire and full of energy. I want a strong passionate man to protect me. And, if needed, I want to know he has the potential for anger, even rage to keep me safe!!

I feel like I am a new woman with this distinction. I will never let an angry (within reason, not abusive) man scare me again! I will know that he has so much passion for what he is angry about! :) I can honor the passion rather than the rage!! And rather than closing down in the midst of a man’s anger I can stay open!

How exciting!! I am going to give it a try!

Oh yea and a tip for the Heroes out there… If you feel anger rising in conversation with your lover, please touch her and come from love. The anger is ok and something we are able to open up to if we are touched and honored as you are expressing anger! :) We, Goddesses really appreciate touch, it keeps us open and receptive! :)

Glimpse into my daily Goddess Life

Up at 4:10

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Surrender. I surrender to life, to my divine feminine.

I really feel like the island of Bali has feminine, healing energy. It is amazing place to fill up with Spirit and life force energy. I feel blessed and so grateful to be transforming and doing what I am doing here. Every day is heaven on earth and it just gets better and better! I am enjoying the now and at the same time I am so excited to see who I will be in another 6 more months here in Bali if that is how long I am guided to stay! ;) I feel my heart opening and surrendering to my true essence!

Mind – I felt powerful and peaceful in my mind today. And, confidence seems to be infusing my mind more often than not. Confidence is always something that I welcome as much as she wants in my life! I think as I open up and allow myself to be me, being powerful, peaceful and confident is just a gift from God letting me know I am on the right path, keep following your bliss! :)

Meditation – Holosync 4:30-5:30

Destiny 3:00 -3:45 Universal Mind 8pm -9 pm

Body – I woke up this morning with about 100 biting ants in my bed. Nice! Needless to say I have bites all over my legs and arms. I have had them for awhile now I thought they were mosquitoes or some sort of reaction to the heat with all of these bumps. But I am pretty sure it is the ants!! They are tiny, little creatures and these bites itch!! :) This too shall pass. It is funny I find myself concerned that they will scar and leave my beautiful legs with a bunch of scars! Reality is that life is messy and I am not perfect right now and I will not be perfect when I die. So, I am embracing the experience! :) And, I feel so much better today than yesterday!! It is going to be a short lived cold!

Diet –

6:30Yerba Matte tea with honey

7:45 Watermelon

8:45 Papaya

11:00 coconut water, aloe vera soda (oh one tiny tiny piece of chocolate fed to me ;)

11:30 green juice

1:00-1:30 potatoes wedges and salad with tempe and tofu

4:00 red rice, coconut oil and braggs

Workout - 30 minute yoga and hrs in the bedroom :)

Massage – 10 minute self massage

Blissful & Magical Moments – Texting with B early this morning, spending some super sexy time with B, reading Intimate Communion, having an amazing time with B today – wow, doing my destiny meditation, my morning journaling session!

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate freedom, love, empowerment, joy, knowledge, health and myself!

Final thoughts for the day – What a blissful day. It is amazing how much I appreciate my health when I don’t feel optimal. This is something I want to appreciate every single day no matter what. It is something I can take for granted! I love to feel healthy in my body and mind!! I am going to go to bed with positive thoughts in my mind and love in my heart. I feel like my heart opened today and I am thrilled to continue to expand and open!! Sweet Bali Dreams! :)

“Deep down, her natural sexual essence is waiting to bloom.” David Deida

I feel my heart expand and the tears fill me eyes and my soul says, “YES!! She is waiting to bloom, let her bloom!”

Most women, about 80% of us, according to Dieda, at their core are feminine. And, very few of us have allowed ourselves to truly express our sexual essence! She is waiting there to be expressed, I know we all feel Her.

Since I can remember I wanted to be swept off my feet, I wanted to be ravished and adored and penetrated with deep powerful love! And, to be honest, until recently I never experienced this in my sexual relationships. I was too busy trying to please them, wanting to be, do the right thing, I was self-conscious and not even conscious of my deep sexual desires.

And, let me tell you from my recent experiences there is magic in the full surrender to your natural sexual essence. I felt the ecstasy consume me and the love expand from my heart. It is incredible! And, I know that this is only the start. There is a wild, passionate, powerful, sensual, sexual Goddess ready to blossom in my life! More radiant than I can even imagine.

What does it take to allow this essence to bloom?

It takes courage and commitment! You must commit to opening up your heart, feeling the love flowing through you and Surrender to your divine feminine and be willing and excited to allow the masculine and the feminine to OWN you!! When you allow and trust in your natural essence and in the masculine he will love you and open you to blossom into a beautiful flower known as your true essence!

I want this passion, I want this freedom and I want this love! I will continue pushing past my limitations into bliss! Yummy orgasms on their way! ;)

Glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Healing. All parts in need are healing!

Yummmy 2 ;)

It is so great to have so much time alone, because I get to find my own path to the Goddess! Being around a very masculine man is super sexy and powerful and it is one of my favorite things in the world to experience. And, at the same time it is nice to be able to find my own unique way of experiencing the Goddess.

I do feel that men experience God and women experience the Goddess. That there is a different pull for women with a more feminine essence, and it doesn’t look like the same path as a man would take!! Most spiritual practices are mostly created for the masculine essence I do feel this is true. And, for me I think that a certain discipline of daily silence and meditation and contemplation and journaling is necessary for me!

And, at the same time so is being alive, dancing, being girly, and having fun, being creative, taking as long as I want to take to get ready, to being radiant, to allowing myself plenty of time to relax, enjoy and experience the moment. When I am around masculine energy I can tend to get very goal oriented, anxiety fills me, I feel stressed, I move really fast. I get on a mission and I lose sight of the things that really give me pleasure. And, I don’t take the time to really nurture myself, or make a meal, or experience my beauty!

So for me my life is about pleasure. And, some may say you need to do this and you need to do that in order to reach enlightenment or to be awakened. And, I honestly think that I can be enlightened by allowing myself to be me and if I wanted to I could experience oneness with God/Goddess pole dancing! And, so it is! :) Let’s get rockin

Mind – I feel like I am controlling my mind so much better. I really do feel like I am rewiring my brain!! I am trusting myself more and my own path and my own destiny. It seems to unfold more and more everyday! And, I am excited to be dancing in the Feminine essence. I am thrilled that my purpose and my mission is to empower the Goddess within!! I am blessed that I get to be wrapped in radiant beauty by all the women I work with. This is a gift!

Meditation –

Holosync 530 -6:30

Destiny 2:30-3;15

Universal Mind 8pm -9pm

I also listened to Quietude while I was reading today

Body – I woke up feeling about 80% today. Still have a running, stuffy nose and a cough and just feel a bit fuzzy in my head!! But I love that I am still doing my morning routine and living my life! In the past I might give excuses and reasons as to why I won’t get up early, or mediate or workout. I have worked out for 56 days straight. That is hot! :) It doesn’t serve me to take a day off. A nice walk like today I can do everyday of the week!! Movement is a key fundamental for me!

Diet –

7:30 Ginger, honey tea

9:00 Big bowl of papaya (yum lots of natural digestive enzymes)

11:30 Salad with sunflower seeds, red peppers and cucumbers and dressing made with olive oil, bragss, and apple cider vinegar. And, a bowl of millet with braggs and coconut oil

2:00 Hot cocoa with ½ soymilk and ½ water with honey and stevia

4:00 detox drink

5:45 corn chips and guacamole and minestrone soup

6:45 Pb&J on red rice bread

Workout – am 30 minute walk – pm – 15 minutes yoga/stretches

Massage – 10 minutes massaging my abdomen before bedtime

Blissful & Magical Moments – Walking with the dogs this morning – I love this!! Reading for most of the day, this is one of my favorite pleasures. Appreciating Brian and his masculine essence. Appreciating myself and really feeling my Feminine essence. Picking the I am a Goddess affirmation from my Goddess cards today! :) How perfect! Eating my Pb& J feel like a happy kid when I get those!

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my journey. I appreciate my website. I appreciate all that Brian has given materially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! I appreciate Life. I appreciate my creativity. I appreciate my deep desire to grow and expand! I appreciate the rain. I appreciate money in my bank account! I appreciate Delivery service so that I can order in amazing food! :)

Final thoughts for the day – I finished Intimate Communion today! Touched my soul on a deep level. I am inspired!! I am excited about my Goddess Journey and I am not sure where it will lead me, but I trust and I open to love. The feminine essence is love! :) How perfect as I just started the Course in Miracles, today is my 3^rd day, it is 365 day program of learning how to live from love instead of fear! I have had the books for 8 years now and have yet to read and do the course. So, I feel like now is the perfect time and I am excited to start here in Bali. Who knows I might be in Bali for all 365 days! I am open and I am free, allowing Spirit to guide me! :)

Day 56 Extra Blog

So, I have been blogging daily for 56 days on My Goddess Life! And, my intention to start was to prepare for a fitness show. I was thinking about competing sometime I 2009, depending on when I returned to the states! And, feeling into my passions and my unfolding destiny, it doesn’t feel right for me right now in my life. I would do it because it would be something I “should” do for my modeling, for my brand, for a platform. And, it is not an inspired vision. I do not feel a rush of inspiration when I think about competing. So, I am letting it go for right now. And, if at some point it becomes an inspiration then I will register and compete!

I have met amazing women at the fitness shows and I am just not sure that it resonates with where I am at in my life! The idea of creating a hard body when I am working on softening and opening doesn’t seem to align! And, yet I am still on my Goddess Journey to be my most radiant, sexy, divine physical Goddess self. And, I am allowing it to organically come through me rather than imposing certain rules, and images,to guide me. This is about my own beauty. This is about the beauty inside of me radiating. And sure, the beauty outside is part of my Goddess path. Goddesses are beautiful in their own unique way. I am finding my way!

The fitness show gives me a purpose, extrinsic motivation, a goal So, to be honest I have moments where I feel, I won’t transform in the ways that I desire and that I need to have a push in order to make changes in my life. This addiction to pushing and forcing myself to do something. No more of that I am going to love and allow myself to be me, whatever way that looks!! And, I also know that if I do that I will naturally be beautiful. A win/win! :)

I will still be recording the same as I have been, as it inspires me and excites me everyday. I do not have a goal for how long I will do it. I will do it till I don’t enjoy it! :) I hope that out of my sharing that you are empowered, inspired to take action to transform some area of your life!

Thank you for giving me the space to share my authentic self. I feel blessed!

Mirror Work today1 :)

Find a mirror, and if you are really bold get naked and stand in front of the mirror. Look over your entire body and just notice it. Really look at it objectively. So often we only look at the things that we don’t like about our body and it seems that is all the mirror reflects back to us; the things we dislike/hate. But not today…

Today you get to look at your body and appreciate every inch of it. Start down at your feet and find all the things you love about them. Then moving up your legs, and your luscious thighs, and then your stomach, breasts, arms, shoulders, neck. Then move to your face, get close to the mirror. Look at the color of your eyes, really look into your eyes, tell yourself that you love and accept yourself. Look at your nose, your cheek bones, you lips, your hair, skin and really notice the texture and enjoy your beauty.

The rule with this exercise is no criticizing, no judging and no complaining about any part of your body. This exercise is all about body love.

There is so much to appreciation about your body. Start doing it everyday. It will love you back so much more! :) You will glow and you will be full of energy and healthy. Try it today and if you feel inspired do it everyday! It is a fabulous way to start your day!

Love love love love your body! :)

Glimpse into My Goddess Life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Faith. I have faith that I am following my destiny

I am really feeling into my Goddess Journey and what that looks like for me. And what does it look and feel like to Surrender to the Divine. To have faith and KNOW that all is well and that my destiny is unfolding perfectly. That I am perfect right now and all I need to do is listen for guidance, be happy and take action and all of my dreams will be fulfilled. I do believe the world works in this way. And, I also believe that right now I am uncovering “masks” that are not my true self and that takes some work and discipline but the reward of coming home to me, the real me is pure bliss! So, I shall continue my work of unveiling to find the truth!

Mind – My morning meditation was strong today! I felt great, and it went by so fast, amazing that an hour can go by fast when you are silent and completely still. I feel really confident and happy today! :) I have been doing holosync for almost 3 ½ months now. And, you are suppose to do Destiny and Universal Mind for 4-6 weeks. I think I have done Destiny for about a month straight and maybe universal for 3 weeks. I think I will do them both for another month and then I am going to switch to 2 new meditations the next 6 weeks! :)

Meditation –

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Destiny 10:15 – 11:00

Universal Mind 8:45 pm

Body – I woke up with a low-grade headache and still some congestion in my chest and sinuses! I don’t feel bad, just a little restricted in my flow of oxygen! As much as I don’t want to admit it because I LOVE them, the PB & J sandwiches might not be all that good for me!  So, I am going to stop eating them and I haven’t had corn in such a long time either, so cutting that out from my diet as well!! I want to feel good in my body rather than experience instant gratification for a few moments. So, it is worth it to do whatever I can do to keep the energy and the feel good vibes flowing through my body! :)

Diet –

6:30 Ginger tea with honey

7:00 Beeeroot, celery, parsley, cucumber juice

7:30 coconut water

8:30 Maca drink

9:30 yummy watermelon

11:30 miso soup and millet and braggs

12:30 aloe, honey, ginger and mint drink

2:30 Salad with feta cheese and dark chocolate

6:30-7:00 potato wedges and broccli pesto soup with aloe vera drink

Workout - am – FIT Training 30 minutes – pm – Goddess Training class 1 ½ hrs

Massage – 60 minute full body massage at 8:30am

Blissful & Magical Moments – My intense workout; it is such an amazing feeling, teaching my class is just bliss – it is so much fun! Having dinner alone. Having a rockin 2 hours on the internet today – felt so good to get so much done! Watching a little boy play, I hart kids!

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my breath, I appreciate my cell phone, I appreciate Bali, I appreciate Brian’s generosity and passion, I appreciate my Mom, I appreciate my class, I appreciate the yoga barn, I appreciate Charley’s amazing house, I appreciate the internet.

Fun/Creativity – Free danced today while I cleaned my room!

Final thoughts for the day – I think it is time to start a Goddess Circle here in Ubud! And, it is also time for me to get some new fitness modeling photos! :) Yea, I feel inspired to do both of these!! All of my other modeling pictures I have long hair, and since I shaved my head, those don’t match me anymore! :) I love my short haircut, I think it is sexy, elegant and fun! :) So, it is time to step up my game!!

And, also I will probably get my period in the next 24 hrs and I get emotional. Today when I spent time with B I felt emotional. I just felt a bit heavy in my heart of how much I love him and the reality that we are not together anymore. And, had thoughts about him being with other women and I lost my breath. I know it is not the best time to be thinking these thoughts with these hormones, but I did. And, I just a couple of hours today of feeling some sadness around us ending our engagement and moving forward!

I know deep in my soul it is all perfect. And, if he finds an amazing woman I will still love and appreciate him and the beautiful woman in his life. I have such a deep knowing I am destined to be with the man of my dreams, and if that is not B it is some incredible man who loves me, cherishes me and adores me and fills me up with his masculine power! :)

“There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.” Course of Miracles

Every upset in my mind has an effect on me. I may think. “oh, that one is justified. I have right to be angry, upset, depressed and this is why, and anyone would agree with me.” Yes, of course anyone would agree with me, but it does not serve me and my higher self. There are no small upsets. They are ALL equally disturbing to my peace of mind.

So, today I focus on keeping my mind clear of any and all disturbance, I am committed to having peace of mind!

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Manta/Intention – Peace. I am peaceful in my mind and heart.

Wow I am on Day 5 in the Course of Miracles. This is going to be an incredible ride doing it for the next year!! Today idea was I am not angry, upset, (insert any negative emotion), for the reason that I think. Today I woke up so disconnected. I feel like I have a hangover. I am feeling upset, jealous, sad, angry, frustrated, irritated, doubtful, and fearful. Yea all of those things this morning! :) And, today’s lesson was exactly what I needed to read and study. It is amazing to me how much delusion we can create in our life!! I just feel heavy and sadness seems to be lurking backstage!

Mind – My meditation this morning was a joke. The victory is that I did it, even feeling like shit. I am committed to doing it every single day! And, I didn’t want to do my morning rituals either. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and wait till the cloud passes by! But, here I am doing my morning ritual. And, although I am cranky, crabby and bitchy I am still doing the work. This is where I need the work. Any negative emotion or upset disturbs my brilliant mind and disconnects me from source. I must do the work even if I don’t feel like it, even if I have anger, and tears falling down my face!!

Meditation –

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Destiny 11:30-12:00

Body – I feel crummy. I have 15 new bites this morning on my legs!! Yea 15! I am so fucking frustrated with it. I know in the big scheme of things it isn’t a big deal. But I feel like my whole body itches. And, I have no idea what is biting me, ants, bed bugs? It seems to be a mystery. All I know is I have about 100 bites on my body no joke and they fucking itch!! And, I feel foggy in my brain and just not happy in my body to be quite blunt!!

Diet –

7:00 fresh ginger tea and honey

7:45 watermelon

9:00 warm cocoa with soymilk, honey and stevia

10:30 Bowl of papaya 10:45 raw brownie :)

2:30 Brown rice, veggies, and tempe and tofu and a detox drink

4:00 dark chocolate (probably more than my body needed ;)

7:00 Potato wedges and coconut water

Workout - am - 30 minute yoga – pm 45 minute workout at the gym 30 minute of treadmill and 15 strength. I did interval training on the treadmill and it felt soooo fantastic to spring! Omg I love to train hard!

Massage – 60 minute full body

Blissful & Magical Moments – Doing my morning ritual even though I didn’t want to, training at the gym, eating my dark chocolate, having a good cry, reading Marianne Williamson.

Appreciation of the good, great & beautiful – I appreciate my process, I appreciate my hormones, I appreciate my body, I appreciate my emotions, I appreciate my mind, I appreciate my desires, I appreciate all the opportunities and choices I have in my life.

Prayer – I pray for Thane and his wife as they just lost their baby! May God shine light into their hearts and give them strength!

I pray that God help me keep my heart open. I can feel it close and I ask for guidance and help to remain open to the miracles that surround me every moment!

Final thoughts for the day – What a day!! Brian and I had an “interesting’ discussion today! And, I just don’t feel good about I handled it, and expressed myself. I guess the bottom line is I wasn’t feel to “on and peppy” today and I thought that it would be good for me to be around him and I just wanted to be comforted really. To just to supported and to know that everything is going to be ok, that everything is fine and to be held and touched. And, that is the exact opposite I got from Brian. He was actually upset that I wasn’t blissed out and didn’t want to be around me. And, when I shared this with him. He said he wasn’t interested in how to relate to me in the feminine/masculine dynamic. Only friendship! And, I know we ended our engagement a month ago. But, I have felt that we have grown so close, and we are still having sex and the best either one of us have ever had in our entire lives. It has been magical. So, when he said friendship.. I felt the sinking of my heart. What the fuck am I doing here in Bali. Our relationship is over, what am I doing!?! My heart is closing and I don’t know what to do to keep it open! How do I still love fully and let go?

Meditate! Mediate! Meditate!

Spend 15-60 minutes every morning before you start your day to get centered and connect to Spirit!! As, we meditate and relax we integrate our whole brain therefore accessing more of our potential!

Make this a daily practice and every day will be the best day ever! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Love. Love fills my heart

I cried myself to sleep last night and I just felt so much pain in my heart and sadness in my body that needed to come out! I need to let it out, so I can let it go and keep my heart open. I woke up this morning and thought the storm had passed, but I just had another crying session. I remember after a sport in high school or when my college volleyball career was over I cried, and I cried…It was over, it was a letting go of the past, and almost a cleansing process. I feel that is what I am doing right now! The whole ending of my engagement has been magical. Really it has, we have grown so much, and my heart has expanded. And, I think yesterday I just really realized I no longer have a lover. I have a friend. And, it just hit me, I have been playing like we are lovers!

The intimacy has been beautiful and…I felt like a young girl dating again. I have become the woman I have wanted to be and he has become the man I have always knew he was! And, yet I can’t deny the truth that we are friends. Such a boring word for the passion we have shared in the last month.

But, this is the reality! I just feel I must move on, and I don’t know how. I don’t know how to do it with grace and with love! I keep feeling myself contracting and I have to work to stay open and work to stay open, it is a moment to moment process. It hurts today!! And, I know it isn’t real but I feel really alone here in Bali.

Mind – I think I am more confused than I have in a long time! I am working on staying positive before I make any choices. But, in the state that I am in right now I want to be as far away as I can be from Bali and Brian. I want to go home! And, I don’t even know where the fuck home is, but somewhere in the States.

Meditation

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Destiny 11:30-12:00

Universal Mind 10 pm

Body – My body feels good today. Today is the big day for the period I can tell. And, hormones do effect me more than I would like to admit. Brian and I have had probably 10 big fights in our relationship and my guess would be that at least 7 of them were right before my period. Interesting isn’t it? I don’t want to be a victim to them, and I also want to honor them and do what I need to move through this time with as much ease as possible!

Diet –

7:00 ginger tea and honey

9:00 Potato Wedges

10:30 Dark chocolate

12:30 Grilled veggie and feta salad, and hot cocoa with soymilk

4:45 Buckwheat pancakes with butter and berry compote with ginger, lemon, honey tea

5:30 aloe vera soda and raw brownie

7:45 Vegetarian Samosa’s

Workout – am - 30 minute walk and 10 minute stretches –pm Yin yoga class 1 ½ hrs

Magical, Blissful moments – I had the best journaling session ever today, reading the Course of Miracles – it is amazing and perfectly timed for my growth, drinking my hot cocoa love it, looking in the mirror and seeing my inner and outer beauty, sending B a text and really feeling the love flowing again for him and between us!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my ability to let go of fear, doubt, and worry. I appreciate the truth. I appreciate all the books I have, I appreciate dark chocolate, I appreciate Charley, I appreciate this computer, I appreciate my journal, and I appreciate my mind, body and spirit! I appreciate my first sponsorship from PhilosophersNotes.com!! I appreciate the abundance in my bank account!

Prayers – I pray to keep my heart open! I pray to know that the negative emotions are just illusions and that love is the only truth! I pray that my sister’s baby Lilley has the most incredible first few days of her life! :)

Final thoughts for the day – It has been an interesting day!! It started off a bit challenging. I cried pretty hard this morning! And, then I got completely inspired and had some amazing epiphanies. And, just felt the love overflowing for my life, for bBrian, and for my Goddess Project and so enthusiastic about what is coming next! :) YEA!

And, I also felt a bit homesick today! Just little things like buying good mascara let alone organic isn’t in Ubud, Indonesia (or at least I haven’t found it yet ;). I just felt like I will be ready to go home soon! And, my thought today is that I am here for 10 more weeks then my visa is expired, so I need to fly out of the country. Current thought is I will just fly back to the states do some work for 4-6 months and then fly back to Bali if I was inspired to. It will be interesting to see where I go! :) Oh, and I am totally digging the Course of Miracles! :) I am so excited that I finally started it and am committed to seeing it through the whole 365 days!! WOW! Transformation Baby!

“You only see the past.” Course of Miracles Workbook

This was my workbook exercise today. I only see the past… Everything I see is the past.

As I explored this today, I found it very interesting. As I was looking at people, especially people that have been in my life on a regular basis. For example, my ex-fiance. I only see the past in him and he only sees the past in me. We do not see each other truly as we are right here and right now.

And, of course we have moments where we do see clearly into the present moment, and they are deeply sacred moments. But, for the most part we are looking to our present from our past! It is quite fascinating!! I invite you to share the present with me; to see with fresh, new eyes and really see the truth.

We all want to know Love! Let’s not let our past get in the way of our present ability to love!?! Let it go. Relax, open and surrender our hearts to love! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am (out of bed at 5:20 though ;)

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Possiblity. Anything is possible. Anything!

I feel like anything is possible this morning as I write. And, I feel so blessed to be able to fully create this Goddess project!! I feel more and more connected to Spirit everyday. And, I am loving this transformation thing! :)

Mind – The mind is a funny thing isn’t it!?! As far as my life I feel great, and I feel focused and on! And, today I had far to many thoughts of doubt, fear, jealousy, and insecurity surrounding the ending of my engagement. I found myself wondering why the hell did we end our engagement. We are the best of friends and we both still love each other dearly! Well, nonetheless we did and I am single now! Funny to write that!!

But, to be transparent here today… Brian has joined Facebook and about a 100 other websites to connect with people. And, I find myself close down and get fearful, there are a lot of amazing women out there, and beautiful, and intelligent, and cool and sexy… and and and… oh God he is flirting with woman online. Every fucking time I have these thoughts I feel stressed, I get sick to my stomach, and I feel all sorts of negative emotions that I am not wanting in my life anymore!!

So, it was a bit challenging, so I gave myself a pep talk that went something like this.. “Yes, there are beautiful woman, and yes he is single and he can do what he wants to do. You love and support him for who he is, that means all the time not only when you are his intimate partner. And, if he finds an amazing woman online and he starts dating her. Great! I will be happy for him and for them! And, then I will know why we ended our engagement it was because he needed to find her! And, I will find my soulmate when the time is right.”

Geesh even as I write that and imagine him with another woman! My heart sinks to my stomach! This is all part of the process and This too shall pass! I know that we are both being guided by the Divine. And, time will tell where we end up! I might meet the most amazing man and he fits me perfectly and all of the work that I did with Brian will have prepared me to meet him! And, maybe that “him” will be the next version of Brian. Anything is possible. I am learning to be strong in the ambiguity! :)

Meditation

Holosync 5:45-6:45

Destiny 1:15 -1:45

Universal Mind 9:30

Body – I woke up with some post nasal drip going on… And, I had more sugar yesterday than normal and I also had buckwheat pancakes and samosa’s. And I woke up a bit fuzzy today! Feeling good in my body (except my right elbow is bothering me a bit). My hunch is eating those things creates excess mucus in my system. Which is perfect because I am inspired on a new level today to pick up my training! :) It has been 8 ½ weeks of recording and training every single day!! And, I have been happy with my progress and this morning I really felt inspired to take more action! :)

I had the best workout ever My Goddess Training rocks! :)

Diet –

7:00 Ginger Tea

9:00 ¼ mango

11:45 rice, tofu and veggies

2:30 green juice and coconut water

3:30 mocha smoothie with stevia

6:00 potato wedges and 16 oz of coconut water

Workout – 1 ½ Goddess Training class

Magical, Blissful moments – totally rocking my website today, journaling and having so much clarity, teaching my class, going to the philosophers notes, looking in the mirror and seeing true glowing beauty, playing with a little kitten and drinking my mocha smoothie – yummy! :)

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate all of the incredible people I have in my life, I appreciate my dreams, I appreciate my passions and desires, I appreciate my inspiration, I appreciate feeling good, I appreciate Brian, I appreciate MyGoddessLife.com, I appreciate my past

Prayers – I pray that I am continually guided by Spirit, every moment of every day. I pray for Obama and send him lots of love, power and transformation. I pray for Brian to continue to let his soul shine bright! I pray for love!

Final thoughts for the day – What a super day!! I feel like I am really mastering myself and at the same time I can see how much more I have to grow!! :) I am having a great time though. And, I know I just blogged about not doing a fitness show. But today I felt the excitement, tension and the energy that preparing for a fitness show creates! I love it! It is fun, and sexy and empowering! I have no idea when it will be time to head back to the states! But, I have everything I need here in Ubud, a gym, a yoga studio, amazing food and massages, and a jump rope and monkey bar gym!

I am good to go that is for sure! Going to join the gym tomorrow and go like 5 days a week and get this party started fitness diva style! :) And, if I am back in the states for a show, perfect I will do one and if not then I won’t! :) Going with the flow, following my heart!

Sweet dreams!

“Externally, the universe supports our physical survival. Photosynthesis in plants and plankton in the ocean produce the oxygen that we need in order to breathe… Internally, the universe supports our survival as well – emotionally and psychologically. The internal equivalent to oxygen, what we need in order to survive, is love. Human relationships exist to produce love. When we pollute our relationships with unloving thoughts, or destroy or abort them with unloving attitudes, we are threatening our emotional survival.” Marianne Williamson from a Return to Love

She also writes in this soul touching book…”When infants aren’t held, they can become autistic or even die. It’s universally accepted that children need love, but at what age are people supposed to stop needing it? We never do. We need love in order to live happily, as much as we nee oxygen in order to live at all!”

I got tears in my eyes when I read these. Which always means it is a great yummy! :) Love; we need it to survive. It isn’t a nice thing to have it is necessary for our survival. And, it isn’t something we outgrow! It is need!!

We all want to be loved, we all want to be honored. I also think that many of us are scared. And, out of fear we deprive ourselves of love. We truly want to feel good about who we are, to be loved for who we are, and to shine our light as bright as we can! Sometimes we just have a difficult time letting the love flow!

We must learn how to get in the flow! Love is the answer, love is the gift that we can all give to each other! It takes courage and the willingness to keep our hearts open all the time and continue to love, love, love, love and love even more and deeper.

This is how we heal our lives. To love ourselves unconditionally and humanity!

I am excited for the process of returning to love, how about you!?! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Magical. My life is magical.

I love God. I really do! I feel so blessed to be living on planet Earth today. Is it not a miraculous and magical thing, this thing we call Life!?! And, I am trusting more and more and following this God within me! There is a part of me that has been afraid to look within what if I find something that I do not like in there!?! Yikes! But what I am realizing is there is nothing wrong, or bad about our divine essence. There is only love and truth. And, the stuff that I fear is only an illusion.

Fear, and worry, and doubt are not real. They are made up, created by me! I know sometimes they feel very real. But, when I can breathe and relax into God, I know they are not. And, I can then take the next action required to connect back to Source!! I feel like I am learning so much and experiencing so much richness in my spiritual practice and at the same time seeing all the places that I need to grow.

I used to get depressed when I looked ahead and thought..”ooh what’s the use I am never going to get there, look how far away I am.” And, now I look at it and say, “Wow! Look how far I have come and I am loving every minute of the journey and everyday there seems to be a little bit more expansion and a little bit more love flowing through me, it is hard to imagine how amazing my life is going to be when I do get over there.” :)

Mind – I feel confident today. I feel confident that all of my dreams are really my dreams. That I am not wanting to do them to impress other people, or because it is what I should do, or to make someone else be happy, or try to be someone I am not. All that I am creating right now is a full expression of where I am in my life right now!! And, that feels really good and peaceful in my mind! :)

Meditation

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Destiny

Universal Mind

Body – Rebirth is taking place. It is that time of the month. I love the vision of letting go of the old, a death and a birthing of a new self with every cycle! Beautiful. And, I always feel so much better after I get my period. And, before is just en emotional rollercoaster!

Diet –

7:00 Ginger tea with honey and stevia

8:15 banana

10:45 aloe vera drink and veggie egg scramble with feta cheese

12:00 coconut water 16 oz

3:30 dark chocolate

5:30 2 detox drinks

6:30 brown rice and veggies

7:30 hot cocoa with soymilk, honey and stevia

Workout – 8:30-10:15 Hatha yoga class pm

Magical, Blissful moments – Doing my morning ritual, yoga class was divine, playing with little Shiva – I love the energy of a kid’s laugh, an incredible magical conversation with Uma today at the Kafe, having this moment of deep gratitude that I am living in a foreign country. :)

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my heart. I appreciate my growth. I appreciate my life. I appreciate my morning ritual. I appreciate my excitement to start training harder. I appreciate the Course in Miracles, I appreciate my deep connection to myself, I appreciate all of my visions!

Prayers – I pray to see the truth. I pray for love to fill my heart!

Final thoughts for the day – My final thoughts for today will end at 8:30 pm tonight. I feel like today Brian and I have moved on to another transition in our relationship! He is going on a date tomorrow! When he told me that I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart, the emotions flooding my body and I lost my breath and I wanted to run. I want to run far far away.

I am so committed to staying open and at the same time I shut down. I feel myself restricting, and I want to feel good and I want to be excited for him and it just wasn’t happening. I felt like I just wanted to be loved and appreciated and told that everything was ok.

And, somewhere in the conversation I erupted like I have never done in my entire life. Kali style. I have never yelled at a man before. I screamed today. I hit the table. I honestly felt like something over took me, I had lost control and rage consumed me. As, much as it is not my ideal way to live and deal with my anger. It was a deep, deep release. And, I can see the power of that negative emotion channeled in a powerful way and I am one hell of a powerful woman!

And, I refuse to feel guilty about it, but I also know that it was an act of violence towards Brian, which is not something I am committed to at all. And, I take full responsibility for my actions and for my intense emotions. And, at the same time I have to be honest and say that in the last couple of weeks it has felt so fucking good to orgasm so loud and feel the passion and ecstasy through my body and also to scream with anger!!

I am done with not expressing myself. I am going to express myself fully and I am willing to be extreme and be too much like today, just to burn through this old way of being… of being silent, of not wanting to upset people, or trying to be nice, sacrificing my truth, and do the right thing.

Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t pretty in the moment and yet it clears the energy in a whole new way. I feel renewed! And, I also need space away! I do not want to know who he is dating and/or sleeping with. It doesn’t serve me right now. I can love him and I can appreciate him and I do not need details. I currently do not feel strong enough. So, this week or maybe longer I will be taking time to myself! I will be focusing on me and what I want in my life and let him do his thing! It is time to let go!

I release any and al doubt, fear, worry, concern, upset, judgement, blame, shame, guilt, anger, resentment, frustration, impatience, comparing, complaining, criticism (self and others), limitations, restrictions, victimhood, depression, confusion, powerlessness, disappointment, gossip, insecurity, scarcity, jealousy, anxiety, stress, tension. I release and let go!!

I write this every morning in my journal. I have done it for the last 60 days! It is truly incredible. To really honor this everyday is miraculous. It is work! It is amazing how many times a day we waste our energy on things that do not bring us happiness!

Every single time I criticize I feel like shit. And complaining doesn’t make anything better. And, to worry and fear and doubt are just energy suckers! There is no need in our lives to ever do these. If we live a life continually releasing the need for all of these! Our lives can’t help but be miraculous!

This is amazing to read over and over again and let it sink it and truly embody it! This is one of my favorite practices! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess Life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Forgiveness! I forgive myself and I forgive others. I hold no resentments in my mind or my body. I release and let go!

I woke up this morning feeling good. I feel like there is a dying of my old self and a birthing in to my new one! This morning as I was doing my yoga I cried! I cried for all the limitations, illusions that I have believed for so long about myself and about life. And, also because I feel like I am trying to expand my consciousness, my vessel for more love and this can be bumpy!

I am on the journey of continually opening and opening and making my container bigger so that more and more love and truth can flow through me! I know I have a lot of work to do!! And, also just seeing how the victim mentality creeps in and I can in an instant put all of my pain out there which leaves me feeling powerless and I feel it down to my bones! This is not the way to live.

Empowerment is where the bliss is! And, I also feel deep gratitude for how far I have come in my life, and the journey ahead may be messy as giving birth is, but I know that it is worth it. I know that it is my destiny!

Mind – I feel grounded and centered in my mind. And, I do feel like I am learning and understanding the work that needs to be done to soak my mind with goodness. We have so much rubbish in there, that we need to continually shine the light, shine the light, shine the light. I feel that is where I am.

I am committed now more than ever to fully embodying this idea of never letting a negative thought complete itself. For negative thoughts, lead to negative emotions which leads to unhappiness and depression. Why would I EVER allow that cycle to start!?! This takes rigorous effort and desire to fully embody this truth! And, I know that the best way to connect to God is to purify my mind! So, that is what I feel like I am doing!

Meditation

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Desire 8-9 pm

Universal Mind 9-10

Body –

Diet –

7:00 Ginger tea with honey and stevia

8:45 Papaya and Mango

12:00 Salad with raw ranch and rice with ghee and braggs

2:30 detox drink and peanut butter and jelly with red rice bread

4:30 goraw bar

5:45 papaya and hot cocoa (think I have had too much felt a bit nauseous drinking it :)

Workout – 30 minute yoga (meant to go to the gym but there was a huge rainstorm and as much as I love the gym it doesn’t interest me to be on the back of a motor bike in a tropical rainstorm :))

Massage – 0 minute full body

Magical, Blissful moments – My journaling session was incredible this morning, getting a yummy massage, crying – it really does feel good to cry sometimes :), reading a return to love, getting statues from Brian as a surprise gift – I adore that man.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my evolution. I appreciate the Course in Miracles, I appreciate Kelly Howell, I appreciate Holosync, I appreciate my Mom and Joelle’s wisdom and love. I appreciate women! I appreciate my potential. I appreciate my greatness and my beauty!

Prayers – I ask for healing of my mind so that I may see Reality as it is! And, I release all limitations and illusions. I pray for all of Brian’s dreams to be fullfilled and that he is overflowing with bliss and love! I pray for Mother Earth and that she continues to nurture us as we figure out the best way to love her! I pray for you, who is reading this that your heart may be filled with love and peace!

Final thoughts for the day - I am working through sadness as the tears fall down. I know it is part of the purification process! This too shall pass and I will be a stronger more radiant woman!

Extra day 62 blog – Love

Marianne Williamson says in Return to Love… “When a relationship doesn’t work out, for whatever reason, our disappointment is natural. Every intense encounter represents a deep and complicated karmic connection. An ending relationship is much like a death, and in many cases the sadness is even greater…There’s no need to pretend this isn’t a knife to the heart. It is, and there’s nothing to do but cry the tears that gush forth like blood from a wound. ‘Now is the time for faith.’ Let us be softened by our tears. When emotional knives hit the heart, walls crumble that didn’t belong there to begin with. We can learn then. We can learn what is illusion and what is real.”

So, I prayed today. I prayed fiercely! I asked for my mind and my heart to be healed! I love and appreciate Brian. And, I honor him and I see his brilliance more than ever! I know the ending of our relationship is divinely perfect. And, today I cried, sadness fell from my tears.

Brian is probably on a date right now! This is part of the transition. As, we will both take other lovers. I celebrated this in my own way. I put on a sexy song and stripped for myself. I moved as if I was making love with God, my soul, in honor of my beauty in honor of my divine essence and in honor of our transition!! Then I cried, deeply!

I felt so connected to Life, to me. And, now that I have cried, I have prayed and I have been danced by God. I feel that I can now start to love all of my “sisters” that Brian will take as lovers. For, I know he is an amazing man and if I truly love all women as my sisters, I can celebrate their happiness and their joy. They get to spend time with one of the most amazing men I have ever met!!

I also can feel the sadness in my heart and cry the tears that gush from my soul! I can let them cleanse me as I pray, “Please cleanse me from what is not real! Let me be purified by my pain and by my sadness!! Let me love even more deeply! Please help me stay open when I feel my heart closing down. I Surrender.”

Love is where I want to live! And, to really honor my process! I know that it has nothing to do with what he does. He can do nothing to “hurt” me. This is my time to love me! This is my time to connect to Love and to use my pain, sadness and fear as my teachers!! My time to release my negative emotions and fears and purify my heart and expand and open into love.

I pray that Brian is happy. I pray that the woman he is on a date with is happy! And I pray that happiness fills my heart and that I know true love, Love for God! This is my prayer as I cry!

Thank you! Thank you! I am growing more into the woman that I am, for this I am grateful!

“The ego will always tempt us to think that the breakdown of a relationship has to do with what they did wrong, or what they’re not seeing, or what they need to learn. The focus must remain on ourselves. We’re affected by other people’s lovelessness only to the extent to which we judge them for it.” Marianne Williamson

This is a beautiful quote for me as I am ending an engagement. The focus must remain on me. That is powerful! I find myself in my weaker moments going over there to his world and judging him. I quickly come back and whatever I am projecting I take ownership! When I am over in his business my heart is closed and I feel contracted. I may feel like I am justified and right but I am not happy!

I am committed to my own growth and being the most radiant, magnificent Goddess I can be. And, I am not going to be Her thinking about his lessons, or his actions! The only thing that matters is what is going on in my head and heart.

Often we want to put it over there. It feels easier and we feel that we are right. Well we are never 100% right. So, let’s say they are 95% wrong! We have 5% to get working on. There is always, always work for us to do!

If we are not feeling freedom, love and empowerment we are not in a place that we want to be in for very long! It is best to stay in our own business! What they do over there is their business. And, my vision is to be balanced no matter what anyone is doing around me!

Let’s get to work, I know we all have some to do!!

Glimpse Into my Goddess life

Up at 4:40

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Love. I let Love open my heart!

Wow! I am having a challenging time right now keeping my heart open. I feel it contract and I want to close down. Sometimes I feel the pain consumes me and I want to run away. I want to run away from the pain, I want to run away from Bali and I want to run away from Brian.

And, to be honest I don’t know where it comes from! I know this was the best thing for both of us. We both needed our freedom and we needed the space to grow more into our true selves alone. I know this! And, at the same time in this moment I seem to be overwhelmed with sadness and tears and pain. I have prayed more in the last 24 hrs than I probably ever have in my life!

And, this is my process. I know that there are thoughts that I am thinking and know that I can stop thinking thoughts, and that I can get really excited about my life! And, not allow myself to feel this sadness! But I also know that I am not crying just for the ending of an engagement and for our transition.

I am crying and releasing years of emotions that I never allowed. That I have repressed. I am crying for all of those times where my heart was wounded. I am crying for the illusions that I have believed for so long. I am crying because I am expanding my heart and it fucking hurts! As I cry there are a lot of old ways of being that are dying! As I am crying I am connected to Source and I am being purified!

I know this! So, today I let it go. I cry, I release and I pray! I know that as I work through this and keep my heart open, I am a different woman! A very different woman than I would be if I just ignored it, if I just kept myself busy. This is a ripe time for transformation and I do not want to miss a moment of opening my heart even if that means pain and tears. I want to rip my heart open, it has been contracted for so long!! I can live this way anymore, I must release and let go!

Mind – Even though I am crying and feeling sadness. My thoughts are not all negative and in the dumps. I see this as a great healing time. I see this as me unleashing my power. I see so much goodness in the time of pain. It is interesting I have waves of it. I will cry and be curled in a ball on my bed and then next moment I get up and I am smiling. I for once in my life am going to allow my emotions to go and I will ride them and heal them!

6 pm

I did a really great exercise tonight! I was feeling anger! A lot of anger actually and as Marrianne says… “Our anger stands in front of our love.”

So, I started writing out all of my anger. All of it. My angry thoughts at him and my angry thoughts about myself. And just let it rip and wrote down everything that came to my mind and really got into it! Then I cried, really, really hard! Then I asked God to help me transform these thoughts. I asked to see clearly. I asked to see love. I then released them. I deleted them from my word document and then I breathed and I cried some more! It was an amazing release. Then about 10 minutes later I felt so much lighter and I appreciated him and myself so much more!

Meditation

Holosync – 5:15-6:20

Desire 9:45-10:15

Universal Mind 8:00 pm

Body – My body feels amazing. The harder I cry the lighter I feel. :)

I had a great workout today. And, I focused on purifying my body. Releasing all negative emotions that still reside in my body. I let them go as I was working out. On the treadmill I was saying in my head…”I release all fear. I let any negative emotion go.” It was so awesome. I am going to start to train pretty hard now for the next 10 weeks and my focus in purification of my body and mind. Of course I want to look good, and be in shape, but more important for me is to release limitations in my mind that then manifest in my body!

Diet –

8:30 am Papaya and Mango

10:15 ½ banana and yerba matte tea

1:00 detox drink

2:30 nasi goring (brown rice and veggies)

4:30 soymilk and raw brownie

5:30 very small bowl of steamed veggies with an aloe, honey, ginger drink

Workout – 6:30 am – 30 minute walk and 11:00 gym – 30 minute treadmill with intervals and then a quick 30 minute full body workout!

Magical, Blissful moments – my meditation was so peaceful this morning, and walking with the dogs is one of my favorite things to do! :) having a couple of deep cries, felt so good! Sprinting on the treadmill is pure magic for me!! Reading Return to Love. (I have read Intimate Communion, Dance of Anger and Return to Love in the last couple of weeks and they have truly transformed me – I am a better lover/person for having read them. It is quite funny that I read them after ending a relationship! :))

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful - I appreciate my process. I appreciate having time to clear my head and my heart. I appreciate Brian as one of my most powerful teachers. I appreciate God. I appreciate my gym membership, I appreciate my ipod, I appreciate the healing effect music has on me, I appreciate the aloe that Uma gave me. I appreciate my destiny and how my life is unfolding!

Prayers – I pray that I am purified. I pray that every encounter I have I bring love to it. I pray for Brian’s heart to open and expand. And, I pray to release all fear!

Final thoughts for the day – The last time I saw Brian was Friday and we texted yesterday. And, today is Sunday. And, it feels like I haven’t connected with him in forever! :) Funny. I better get used to it huh!?! I am a single woman! I still feel connected to him. My focus is to let him go. I release him with love has been my mantra today!!

“The ego prefers that a mild river of misery run through the background of our lives, never bad enough to make us question whether our own choices are creating the pain. When the pain is here, that is when we have a chance to “rout Satan and remove him forever.” Marianne Williamson

I have felt this. I have felt the mild river of misery running in the background of my life. And, I can pretend that it isn’t there and just wait for the next big rain and then the misery turns into gushing river and I repress it, I silence it. I want it to go back to being mild so that it isn’t screaming in my face!

And, I never rout Satan! I think that the best time to really dive in to question our lives and question our motives, our intentions and our darkness is when we are feeling it!! And, I am not saying dissect it and analyze the heck out of it and stay in the darkness.

I am talking about feeling the pain. Letting it course through our bodies, let the fears come out, allow them to run their course and hold the intention that you are purifying yourself from all of the pain! Ask the questions and be authentic. Authenticity is the only way to get rid of the pain! Be totally honest with yourself!

I want to transform my darkness and the best way I can see to do that is to acknowledge that I do have it. I do have fear, doubt, worry that needs to be routed. And, if I keep pretending I don’t they will linger in the background of my life.

I want them out!! So, I choose to feel my pain and transform it today and forevermore! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – I feel deeply connected to myself! And, I also am seeing all of the dark spots that need some light! I am consciously letting go of all the anger, the fear the jealousy, the doubt, the worry. It is amazing how much it creeps in. I am really becoming aware of all of these different emotions and how they feel like in my body. And, how important being relaxed is. This is where I feel true transformation happens in relaxation into our true being!

I am also painfully aware of how closed my heart has been. And how much I have to apologize to Brian for. I have blamed him for so much. I have made him wrong for so much. And, I always felt like I was auditioning for the part to be his fiancé. I now see that I was always auditioning him! WOW I feel like a smuck, that is a technical term! ;)

Mantra/Intention – Forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive Brian.

Mind – I felt amazing this morning when I woke up! I feel very empowered about my path of processing this transition. I feel my mind being purified! I feel peaceful and so much more balanced! :) It feels good to Surrender to Love! Life flows so much easier when I don’t have to think and analyze and control and I just allow my Mind to trust Spirit! :)

Meditation

Holosync -5:30-6:30

Destiny 12:00-12:30

Universal Mind 9:00-10:00

Body – My body is getting leaner. And, I am feeling more excited about the possibility of allowing my body to purify and beautify itself. I have a feeling that allowing my beauty is far more beautiful that me trying to be someone or something and working really hard to be competition ready. I want to soften in my body. I want to relax in my body. And, still be beautiful and in incredible shape! I feel most alive when I am working out!! And, I know that me just doing what feels good. I am going to have an optimal body. I feel on a physical level I am purifying and opening up more space to be a huge vessel for Love! :)

Diet –

7:45 Ginger tea with honey and stevia with herbs

10:00 big bowl of papaya

10:45 Yerba matte and ginger tea with honey and lots of fresh aloe blended :)

12:45 Salad with feta cheese with ¼ sweet potato and home-made ghee :)

2:30 Coconut water

3:00 Mocha shake with stevia

6:30 papaya and mango

7:00 peppermint tea with stevia and my herbs!

Workout – am – 30 minute yoga pm Goddess Training Class

Massage – 60 minute full body massage

Magical, Blissful moments – Praying this morning with my hands together and Susu, Charley’s dog came up and licked my hands :) - it was pretty sweet! Offering up my Yoga practice as a prayer for purification, totally relaxing in a massage, praying, teaching my class –omg I love it! :) Dancing in the kitchen and laughing at myself! :)

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate the breeze that is flowing through my room as I write, I appreciate my breath, I appreciate the Universe, I appreciate Brian, I appreciate my Mom, I appreciate Joelle and all of my Goddess sista’s! :) I appreciate all of my knowledge and wisdom!

Prayers – I pray that my heart stays open today. I pray that every encounter I have today is treated as holy. I pray that I relax and surrender! I ask for guidance as to the next steps in my journey! I pray for the woman in my class to be healed from her negative energy, I send her love!

Final thoughts for the day – What an incredible day! It feels so amazing to be alive! And I am thrilled I am riding the rollercoaster of emotions. It is fascinating to see which ones come up when! I allow it and then I transform them and offer it to God with a prayer. My prayer being…” I am willing to see this differently, please let me see through your eyes.”

And, I also feel an urge to go and check Thailand out! :) We will see where Spirit will guide me!?! But I do have to fly out of Indonesia by Feb 1^st. So, maybe I go to Thailand for a month! I could use some beach time, She soothes my soul!!

“No one is always gorgeous. No one is always sexy. But love is a decision. Waiting to see whether someone is good enough is childish, and it is bound to make the other person feel on some level as though they’re auditioning for the part. In that space, we feel nervous, and when we are nervous, we’re not at our best. The ego is looking for someone attractive enough to support. The mature and miracle- minded among us support people in being attractive. Part of working on ourselves, in order to be ready for a profound relationship, is learning how to support another person in being the best that they can be. Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other’s lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves.” Marianne Williamson

This is beautiful. It is amazing to see how childish I have been. To see how I have auditioned so many men in my life!! How I have looked for what is wrong with them instead of allowing their greatness shine.

There is no reason that I cannot let their greatness shine, support them in being attractive and then choose not be in a relationship with them from love. Rather than saying no out of fear and rejection, which I have done many times before!

I am excited to go on my first date after ending my engagement and looking for the man’s brilliance the whole date rather than only half of the time. The other half of the time I usually spend finding fault in who they are!! Not a fun place to play!

I love the idea of supporting people to be attractive. We think that if we challenge them or fight them they are going to rise up to the challenge and be beautiful. It usually works the exact opposite. When we bring our swords they bring out theirs.

I let down my sword today. And, I commit to playing a priestly role in the next relationship I am in! Oh, what a lucky man he will be, and oh, what a beautiful woman I will be!

Let’s look for the good in people and find their beauty, and honor them!! This is the path of the miracle worker!

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – Mantra/Intention – Gratitude. May Gratitude fill my heart today!

I woke up today and felt incredible! I really felt the love in my heart and I feel so blessed to be living the life that I am living. I had deep appreciation for everything in my life. And, I was so thrilled to get to my meeting with God, aka meditation ;). I honestly used to be fearful of God, I was so in my mind that I didn’t stop and relax and take the time to listen. I am doing that now. And, I am connected. It is so simple, yet I resisted it for years! Human beings are funny aren’t we!?! :)

Mind – I love going to bed with Universal Mind. Kelly Howell rocks! Everything that she says in the guided meditation is brilliant and I know that is why I sleep so well and wake up thrilled to start my day! Life is good!

I had a divine chat with Brian on the phone today! We are both growing so much! I am becoming a new woman! And, it feels really GREAT! And, I find him so much more attractive now that we aren’t together. I am realizing it is because I am more attractive. I see that which I am! :) This personal growth stuff is so much damn fun! I am having a blast!!

Meditation

Holosync 5:20-6:20

Destiny 4:30-5:30

Universal Mind

Body – I am transforming on so many levels. I just looked some headshots that I had done in back in June and then I just took a picture last week with barely any makeup on and I look like a different person. Really, I am glowing and radiant and so much softer now!! There is a change in my skin, in my eyes, and I can see bliss shining through me. I knew I had changed but it was really inspiring to see the drastic difference! :) I am excited to soften even more. Soften in my eyes, in my face and relax the tension but also be strong, fit and powerful in my body! I am having so much fun! And, I have picked up my training and it is sexcellent! :)

Diet –

7:00 Immune booster tea with honey

8:00 1 cup of papaya

8:45 hot cocoa with soymilk and stevia and a bit of honey

10:30 green juice and coconut water

2:30 Brown rice and veggies with ghee and braggs

6:30 aloe vera soda and potato with ketchup

7:30 coconut water

Workout – am – cardio at the gym for 1 hr pm – yoga class for 1 hr

Massage – 90 minute foot, hand, neck and head

Magical, Blissful moments – Waking up in love with myself! :) getting paid for being a Goddess, talking with Brian.

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my heart. I appreciate my greatness. I appreciate my light. I appreciate my strength. I appreciate this computer. I appreciate the Internet. I appreciate my destiny. I appreciate Kelly Howell’s mediation – that woman is AMAZING! :)

Prayers – I pray for my Mom and I pray that her heart and life be transformed. I pray for Randy may he open up to his true potential! I pray for Mother Earth! And, I pray that I may be healed of anything that is not God!

Final thoughts for the day – My life is literally getting better and better every day. I am so thrilled about the path that I am on. And, I am so excited to work. This is the first time in a long time that I am excited to work! I haven’t been too fond of the idea of working. ;) Nothing I was doing inspired me all that much!! But, I am inspired by my life, by my website, by my training, by my spiritual growth. All of it. Let’s get it on! :)

Completion Extra Blog :)

Wow. What a day! Brian and I had an intense and great talk tonight on the phone! It ended on an orgasmic note! (yes, orgasmic, no need for details ;)

So, it is 12 am! And, I am done! I am done thinking about our relationship. I am done contemplating our relationship. I am done “working” on our relationship. I am no longer in a relationship with Brian. I am single. And, there is nothing I need to do for Brian! We are complete!

I will admit I have been struggling with this transition period, of moving on. Although I am thrilled about my path and my destiny there was some sadness. Which for the last 4 days I have cried, I have felt the emotion down to my core, and I have transformed it. And, I will no longer put my attention on it! All the lessons I needed to learn have been learned! There is no need to look any deeper. I commit to not indulging in my emotions anymore. They will come and they will go. And, I commit to shining the light on any darkness I feel. I have had my time to grieve!! I choose not to do it anymore.

I know that I need my space. I need to let it go. I need to live my own life. I need to let him live his own life. I choose to let go of thoughts of him and if they do cross my mind it will only be with love, deep appreciation and gratitude!

Some may think I am in denial. That one “should” and has the “right” to grieve for however long she wants! And, yes I do have the right to do so. And, I have and although it has been great for me. In the long run I don’t think it serves me! I want to feel good. And the reality is in a year this whole experience will be just part of my journey, a distant memory, and I will look back on it with appreciation! So, what am I waiting for, why can’t I live from that place right now!?! The negative emotions are merely an illusion! For, I know that by shining the light I become the light and the darkness dissolves naturally.

It is easy to feel the dark emotions. They come easy to us. What doesn’t come easy is the love. I am in love training 101 and I am an excited student wanting to go to the next level. I have explored my darkness long enough!!

It is time to be done!! I let go. I let go. I let go.

I release him with love. I release him with love. I release him with love.

I let go!! I am complete.

It feels really good to be free! :)

“Affirmations are not meant to contradict or try to change your feelings or emotions. It is important to accept and experience all your feelings, including so-called “negative “ ones without attempting to change them. At the same time, affirmations can help you create a new point of view about life which will enable you to have more and more satisfying experiences from now on.” Shakti Gawain

I don’t know about you, but when I started doing affirmations, I had an inner voice that would say, “yeah right you are”, or “you are not.” And, I began to wonder if I was just trying to convince myself of something I wasn’t. And, was I essentially denying the “truth?”

But as Shakti Gawain says, “you create a new point of view about life.” So, the so-called truth is only my truth. Someone else could say the exact same words and get a totally different experience/truth.

There are a variety of viewpoints one can take on any given situation. It can rain and someone can get depressed and upset that it ruined their hair or their plans. Or another viewpoint could be that it is fun, and you go out and dance and play in the rain and have the best time ever. And, you are so happy that it rained so you could have fun. Which one would you choose? ;)

I believe that affirmations are fabulous to stimulate our minds to look for a different viewpoint, one that “will enable us to have more and more satisfying experiences.” I know I want to have as many satisfying experiences as I can every day! :)

So, for me affirmations rock! I love them, and I use them frequently. The more that I use them the more that I start to see what I am affirming show up in my life. This doesn’t happen over night. We have habitual thought patterns that take work and time to change. But, it is worth the journey!

Some of my favorites are: I love myself. I accept myself. I am happy. Get to affirming baby! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – I feel like I have been transformed and that God is working in my life BIG TIME! I am learning how to let go. And, to trust and know that I am being guided. I have done so much work already to know that I can trust myself. I can trust my inner voice for She will not lead me astray.

I feel free today! I feel like I am letting go of so much that just was not me! I am being bathed in Spirit and being purified. And, I also know that I have so much work to do! My current work is to keep my heart open. To let the love flow through and to release all fear! All fear! I do not want to plant any more seeds of doubt, fear, stress, anxiety. This is my commitment. To transform my consciousness; this is why I am came to Bali. And, it is game time. Life has given me the opportunity to really do the work! The choice is up to me! And, I choose greatness and empowerment!

Mantra/Intention – Freedom. I am free to choose. I am free to live my life how I choose!

Mind – I love my mind! I really do. It is incredible and I feel so blessed to have the consciousness that I do! I am also thrilled to rewire my brain! For I know that we can change our perception and our whole world changes! I have experienced this and I believe that I am going through a radical shift right now in how I am seeing the world! I want to have more fun with it. I can get really serious about this personal growth stuff. Why? There is no need. I choose enthusiasm and humor as I navigate my way through my journey and onto my next adventure!

Meditation

Holosync 5:30-6:30

Destiny 11:00-11:45

Universal Mind 9:00-10:00

Body – I am a bit sore from running so intense. My lungs are sore from expanding so much! I love that feeling!! My body is incredible and is transforming everyday! I go back and forth between training for a fitness show and not. I know I have said no I am not going to do it! But, beauty is part of my destiny; to feel and be beautiful and also to radiate beauty. And, to really get we are all beautiful. And, I don’t need a fitness show to do that. But I love the challenge and I love to train like an athlete. It just feels soooooo gooood! :)

Diet –

7:00 glass of fresh aloe vera, water and honey

8:30 banana and hot cocoa

10:30 big bowl of papaya

12:00 Rice and veggies with ghee

3:30 papaya

5:30 Salad with red rice and ghee and braggs

6:30 hot cocoa

Workout - am – 30 minute yoga

Magical, Blissful moments – Dancing to 50 cent – I dig that guy’s passion and intensity! Just being me this morning and having fun singing and dancing, choose to watch a movie instead of write/read, my morning yoga routine was powerful!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my freedom. I appreciate my Mom! I appreciate my life. I apprecicate all the goodness that comes my way. I appreciate all the opportunities and options that I have. I appreciate my destiny. I appreciate my Higher Self. I appreciate really good bowel movements! :) And, I appreciate this amazing house that I am staying in. My life is magical!

Prayers – I pray for happiness!

Final thoughts for the day – I am about to head to bed. And, to be honest I feel grouchy in my head and in my body and just not blissed out!! I stayed in all day today. And, read and wrote and watched two movies, and journaled and meditated more than usual today.

I just feel blah! I am going to head to bed early!! I think that it might be best for me to be out in the world!! When I stay in all day I just get funky. I am starting to notice it more and more!! Which will actually be nice to get out and have more of a life outside of books, writing, studying and optimizing my life! These are top priorities for me and at the same time sometimes balanced with fun and social interaction is important! I also feel a bit alone here in Bali tonight!! And, wondering what exactly I am doing here!?!

I need a Big goal to push me forward that really inspires me!!

“People who expect and believe that they have done something to make themselves ill can actually product those illnesses… Negative expectations make us sick. Positive expectations make us welll.” From the book You the Healer

Germs, bacteria, viruses are always present. But, the immune system keeps us healthy. If we are stressed, worried, or thinking that we will get sick, it taxes the immune system and it has no way of defending us against these “illnesses.”

And, if we expect to get sick, we will. For example; we flying on a plane with tons of germs, we start stressing that we will get sick. Then, create an image in our mind of what that might look like and then we feel the emotions and we do all we can so we won’t get sick, but we are holding the image in our minds of being sick. And no actions we take to prevent the sickness is more powerful that our visualization of being sick. And, to add to it, we often affirm it by saying, “I know I am going to get sick because I sat next to someone who was coughing the whole time.“

When you look at it like this, it is no surprise that we get sick is it!?! :)

Can we actually create positive expectations and images that keep us well!?! Absolutely. We can affirm our health, we can visualize our health, and then experience health. If we love our bodies and affirm that our immune system is healthier and our body is getting better and better everyday. If you hold these as your dominant thoughts, your immune system celebrates and keeps you healthy!

The whole-mind body connection is AMAZING. And, as we learn how to harness our healing powers, our lives will be transformed. I believe we are all healers we just need to believe and know we are!! We have the ability and gifts to keep our bodies healthy. We can heal our lives.

The next time you catch yourself having negative thoughts about your health, stop and affirm the positive experiences you want to happen. If you feel like you are getting sick, go into meditation, relax, breathe, and picture yourself perfectly healthy! Trust me this stuff works! :)

I know I want to enjoy this beautiful healthy body of mine for as long as possible and I expect the best! :)

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – I had a dream last night that someone called me a Minister and it was the happiest feeling ever! :) I was so thrilled in my dream!! It is fascinating I am not even clear about what God is, or my relationship with Her or Him. But it has stirring within me for awhile now. I didn’t even grow up religious, talking about God or anything. So, this is an interesting calling I am feeling! I am excited though!

Mantra/Intention – Relaxation. I release all tension and stress.

Mind – My mind seems a bit congested right now! I am thinking too much. And, having a challenging time making decisions about the next step in my journey. I am here in Bali for sure until Feb 1. I have an incredible set up here and it is amazing and I am thrilled about teaching and getting into the groove of training again! :) But, then what?

Have had thoughts of going to Thailand!?! Staying here, going back to the States, going on tour!?! Many ideas and I find that I have a tendency to make a bigger deal than it needs to be about a decision. There is stress, and tension. “Oooh, I hope I make the right decision.” And, I worry that I am not going to! Argh! This is something that I am going to work on; decision making! And, once I make a decision it is done. And, I no longer have to think about it, I just move forward with my choice! :) This feels good to just write it and have that clarity!

Meditation

Holosync 5:30 6:30

Destiny 12:15-1:15

Universal Mind 8:00-9:00

Body – I woke up feeling GREAT! I am going to head to the gym this morning and get my workout on. I love running! I really do, it is such a great practice for me! I get addicted to it! :) And, I feel my body leaning out again. I love the morning and afternoon workouts!!

Diet –

7:30 immune booster tea with honey

11:30 detox drink & veggie omelet and red rice bread with butter

1:15 detox drink

3:00 Maca and soymilk

5:45 Coconut water

6:45 Green Juice

7:15 brown rice and streamed veggies with ghee and braggs

Workout – am – intense interval training on the treadmill for 30 minutes and 20 minute walk – pm – Goddess Training Class

Magical, Blissful moments – Talking with my Mom on the phone, teaching my class, meeting with some Goddesses for breakfast, meditation/nap sooo yummy, drinking my green juice, riding on the motorbike – I love the wind blowing in my hair! Got an awesome email from David Pearson (smallthings.net) such a sweetheart!!

Appreciation of the good, great and beautiful – I appreciate my Mom’s wisdom and love and strength, I appreciate my consciousness, I appreciate all of my beautiful friends, I appreciate the love in my heart, I appreciate my growth, I appreciate my goals/visions.

Prayers – I pray that I allow God to flow through me. I pray that I am connected to God throughout the day. I pray that I bring peace, love, and joy to the people that I interact with! The world is my church! :)

Final thoughts for the day – I felt great today. I didn’t eat much. And, I wasn’t even that hungry for dinner but decided too eat something since I had only eaten one meal!!! I am working through some transition stuff in my mind… on what I really want!?! And what I am committed to creating in my life!?!

But that is something I will meditate on tomorrow, for now I am off to get my Goddess sleep! :) xo

“You are not inferior Beings in need of enlightenment. You are not insignificant particles in a vast, unending Universe. You are not misguided or forgotten children trying to find your way home… You are powerful Leading-Edge creators riding the most significant wave of expansion that has ever occurred. And it is our desire that you return to your conscious awaarness of this so that your time in this physical body can be one of deliberate, conscious joy!” Abraham Hicks

I want to live with deliberate, conscious joy! And ride the wave of expansion! Fun! :)

I know sometimes we can get limited in our thinking and think that we are this body and it is finite. But I believe that Source, God, Spirit is infinite and full of potential. And, if we connect to what makes us feel good we are connecting to Source and it is a magical ride.

My vote is we follow our bliss, feel good, and connect to source! Imagine the world if we all were living our divine bliss! :) Beautiful!!

Glimpse into my Goddess life

Up at 5 am

Spirit – As I am starting this journey alone without my best friend and companion to whom I was engaged to, it is incredible how much fear I have. And, how foreign it feels. These negative emotions cannot be part of God. I have to keep reminding myself that these are just illusions that I have created and to stay in the positive and relax and know that my destiny is far greater than I can even imagine and let go and let God do His work with me!

Mantra/Intention – Possibility. Anything is possible! I believe that anything is possible!

Mind –I woke up this morning feeling a bit anxious. I had an amazing night’s sleep and then just woke up and felt the tension in my mind, with all the negative thoughts, and images running through my head. It was not an empowered place to be.

9 pm My mind feels so much better today. I had a powerful 2 hours of getting things done that I have been chillin on my to do list! :) And, I feel really excited about the next steps of my journey!

Meditation

Holosync 5:20-6:20am

Desire (started a new one for the next 4 weeks) 2:00-3:00pm

Universal Mind

Body – Wow, I totally feel what the disconnection from God and stress in the mind creates in the body. It is really fantastic to feel this and know that when I am feeling this, there is stress in the mind and I am not connected to Source. I feel a bit tired, my head feels like it is compressing my brain, my eyes are tired, I feel edgy